14-Year-Old, 2 Sessions, Mom Says No Change. Last Session Friday.

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Permalink Reply by amber lee poole on January 20, 2010 at 7:52pm

Hi ya Mike,

As long as you are doing the best you can with the right intention that is all you can do :) Mum might think that hypnosis is the be all and end all but is she playing a definite role in his eating, exercise, etc? One thing i have seen with overweight kids on lots of shows, is that the parent is often the one that needs to make the changes - hello!!!!!! hahahahahahah

Sorry.... I have had this debate with my boys, 18 and 17 now, and if i had fed them rubbish and had it avail for them they too would be obese... but i didn't and they aren't.

Not pointing fingers but if mum took all things away from him that would keep him sitting around and got out there with him, or enrolled him in some kind of martial art, etc, then maybe he would move more. It is hard once they become teens as very difficult to control what they eat at school, and most parents now, including myself seem to be busy all the time!

Just some food, excuse the pun, for thought xoxo

Don't be hard on yourself, we can only give the best we can and if a person is ready, willing and able the changes will be made.

If you want to hear a good success story - check out my posting regarding a young lad i've had for Self Harming.

Amber xo

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Permalink Reply by Michael Jackson Burney on January 20, 2010 at 8:34pm

Many thanks. An update to your questions, the mother is actually a "gym rat", in very good shape and even portions out his food at meal times (although I think he raids the food pantry when she's not around!) Only signs for why the lack of motivation may be that he's uncomfortable at the gym, having to go to the gym- perhaps that actually plays into his resistance to exercise. I'm not a psychologist but from the little time I've spent with him, he's very bright but may find it "safer" just to stay home and away from other who might make him feel comfortable. I really don't know for sure. It may be that his mother actually pushes too much and, in the last session, I worked to give him a goal, a reason to do this for himself, not for others (language actually in last week's script). So I don't know. For some reason he is down about 5 pounds in two weeks from 205 to 200 (I gave him metabolic-boosting suggestions, etc.) but still turns down most every request from his mother to go to the gym. Honestly, I don't know if his father is in the picture or not. It's always his mother who brings him in the afternoons so, who knows, their could be other things going on but it does seem like the mom tries to set a good example from both a physical and nutritional aspect. Appreciate any other good ideas!! Mike

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on January 20, 2010 at 8:52pm

Something you didn't mention. What does the boy want? If he is not onboard.. doesn't matter what you do.

Just a thought
John

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on January 20, 2010 at 9:25pm

Hello Mike,

I probably would have spent the large portion of the first session listening to this boy. 14 years old. Overweight. Under-motivated and socially challenged. Chances are it's a case of, as Roger Moore says, "not about the food".

If you can address what is bothering the boy, teach him tools to deal with his feelings and find something he is passionate about...he will move forward and the weight will likely release. Young kids like this worry that they are the only one who has strange emotions (that come with hormonal storms) and you can do a lot to reassure him that he is normal.

Teens want to be part of their peer group and being shy, overweight or having other family dynamics that makes them feel different contributes to their feeling of separateness. Can you help him focus on where he does belong? What he has in common with other kids his age? Turn his attention to activities and interests that will distract him from his appetite?

Just my take on what's really important here. Hope it helps!

Best wishes,

Kelley

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on January 20, 2010 at 9:47pm

Hey Mike -

Kelley gave you great advice-

1) The studies demonstrating the benefits of hypnosis for weight loss involved 8 sessions and 12 weeks of self-hypnosis practice -- So respectfully tell Mom her expectations are unreasonable --

2) If you had 2 weekly sessions -- his weight loss is on track -- Losing 1-2 pounds a week is considered a healthy way to lose weight.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Much-Weight-Loss-Per-Week-is-Safe?&am...
http://www.thedietchannel.com/weightloss.htm

3)
Nagging often produces undesired effects - Tell Mom to leave him alone -- No freaking nagging.

I would recommend he exercise outside of the gym - Martial Arts, walking/jogging/ball room dancing- using the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

What does he see as the benefits of being slim and fit-- THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON -

4) Citations:
Allison, D. B., & Faith, M. S. (1996). Joumal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64, 513 -516.


Andersen, M. S. (1985). Ihe International Journal of Clinical and experimental Hypnosis, 33, 150-159.


Barabasz, M., & Spiegel, D. (1989). International Journal of Eating Disorders, 8, 3 3 5 - 3 4 1.


Bolocofsky, D. N., Coulthard-Morris, L., & Spinier, D. (1984). Psychological Reports, 55, 795-802.

Bolocofsky, D. N., Spinler, D., & Coulthard-Morris, L. (1985). Joumal of Clinical Psychology, 41, 35-40.

You can feel good about what you offered this young man -

Michael E.

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on January 20, 2010 at 9:57pm

Hi Michael, I have to agree with Amber and Ian, beside that everyone else offered a great insight and good suggestion.

First of all all the kids I worked with for weight loss, I was able to help them with one, two and three sessions, I am not saying that is all they needed, but it gave them enough motivation to follow suggestions, therefore, they did not come back, but I was informed, that they were doing great and they had referred their friends to me.

Second, If his mother giving you a time frame, then she is the problem, ( Mothers tend to be like this at first, but it is your job to make sure that it does not take few sessions, of course each case is different ) any ways, it sounds like mom is pushing in the wrong buttons, that is, if you ask for my personal opinion. I had few situations like that too, and when I had the kid by him self, I have learned all the emotional gain from being fat, enjoying food, and embarrassing mom for not understanding him.

So, I think you need to discover how does the boy feel about his weight, his look, his self esteem, his confidence?

Then ask him if he ever was fit or skinnier, if yes, how did he feel? would he like to feel the way he felt before?
What does it take for him to lose weight, look for commitment, passion, desire, dream, and deliver it in hypnosis...

Also I would talk to his mother and ask her to let go and to give him some space, so he can lose the weight first before he turns his muscle into a fat, because this is exactly what will happen and he will not lose the weight fast.

Hope this helps, Respectfully, Doreen Cohanim C.Ht
www.HypnoCruise.com

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Permalink Reply by Dennis Atkinson on January 20, 2010 at 10:50pm

It took 14 years of learned behavior, with help from his mother no doubt, to get to this young man to where he is today. To expect obvious change in 3 sessions is unreasonable and not realistic. Perhaps mom needs a few sessions???

When I started out, I performed weight release sessions more as a life style change, and chose not to incorporate any type of diet with the program. I learned that some people quickly became discouraged because there was no dramatic weight loss right out of the starting gate (after two or three sessions they would see only two or three pounds lost). Hmmmm ... how do those one afternoon, 1 hour weight loss sessions work again?

I still explain that hypnosis is about life style change - blah blah blah, and that weight loss comes as the lifestyle actually changes (time is the key to success) ... and I now incorporate the South Beach Diet along with the sessions, especially if the client is looking for more rapid results.

In our society's "take a pill, make it go away" mentality, many just do not want to accept their behavior as part of the real issue. If you are not physically active, and/or willing to change, you will not burn off the extra calories.

As for a last script ... since it appears you don't have a choice, my suggestion would be on motivation to exercise, and maybe incorporate something about secondary gain into the mix. It would be nice if mom was more supportive ... she probably just does not see herself as part of the problem.

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Chase on January 20, 2010 at 11:08pm

I'd hypnotise Mom, who is probably the size of a small automobile herself at a guess, to stop her kid eating crap.

IF he is a somnambulist tell him to stop it. Direct suggestion is the best with teenagers who in my experience are at their most suggestible stage. At least with direct suggestion if there isn't a difference in their eating habit immediately then you know it didn't work.

Real hypnosis actually is instant and is 'Magic!"

I don't get why habits should take time to change.

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on January 20, 2010 at 11:15pm

Jonathan I am with you, and Dennis, you are correct, healthy life style is much better then diet.

Doreen Cohanim C.Ht

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Permalink Reply by Todd Durrant on January 21, 2010 at 12:16am

I would do an age regression to find out why he is so overweight.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Jackson Burney on January 21, 2010 at 5:47am

Great input. I interviewed the boy for 45 minutes at the first session along with the first session of hypnosis. His mother was present at all times. He has been an excellent client and goes quickly and deeply into trance. He says he does want to lose the weight and doesn't like the teasing. There may be some other reason for his lack of motivation. Perhaps I need more time and experience to uncover root causes but I thank you for all of your thoughts. As one of my first clients guess it's a little disappointing when you feel you are not helping more. Thanks again! Mike

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on January 21, 2010 at 5:57am

Hello Michael,

I’m no expert but I have some theories that I have been exploring and will continue to explore because I do think there is much value in this line of thinking.

When you said the mother was a gym rat, the first thing I thought was, “expectations.”

I believe that expectations are some very damaging things, especially within a family. All the programming at the unconscious level is set up so the expectations become the monster that will not go away.

I would do “inner child.”

“In-shape,” is what the mother wants.
Hearing what is bothering the child can set your course.

IMHO, it’s the mom that has created the issue and that is just a wild guess fueled by my unrestricted intuition. I would even hope that if it were possible; do an inner child with the mom. I would guess that she had some sort of emotional issue around expectations from her parents. That is not a diagnosis, that is a theory of mine.

In trance I would want to know what would make the child happy and focus the motivation strategy around that and make it about himself and not about what others are demanding from him if in fact that it appears to something of that nature.

Steve

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