14-Year-Old, 2 Sessions, Mom Says No Change. Last Session Friday.

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Permalink Reply by Dennis Atkinson on January 21, 2010 at 7:01am

I sense one of the problems. "His mother was present at all times". Why?

True "self discovery" takes place in a safe environment ... one where the child feels safe, and will share his/her true feelings and beliefs.

One reason I do not accept sessions with children has nothing to do with the child ... it is because I do not want to deal with the parents. Why is it that the problem is always the "child's" problem? I guess the child was born with this behavior as he/she certainly could not have learned it somewhere (sorry for the sarcasm)

There are most likely underlying issues in the dynamics of the relationship ... food replacing a dynamic (or dynamics) in the mother/son relationship. Where is the father?

You mentioned you were finding it "a little disappointing when you feel you are not helping more". I would not beat yourself up - I would imagine you are doing an excellent job.

Remember: You are the facilitator ... the person who takes the client down the path to explore and discover ... it is up to the client to use the information to heal and change. Mom's behavior of restricting therapy to 3 sessions is setting up failure (possibly a common denominator in this). Emotional eaters will benefit when he/she can see their emotional attachment to food, and change that behavior to one that is healthy.

I think you have helped ... but understand it is difficult to save a victim from drowning when your hands are cuffed behind your back.

Michael Jackson Burney said:

Great input. I interviewed the boy for 45 minutes at the first session along with the first session of hypnosis. His mother was present at all times. He has been an excellent client and goes quickly and deeply into trance. He says he does want to lose the weight and doesn't like the teasing. There may be some other reason for his lack of motivation. Perhaps I need more time and experience to uncover root causes but I thank you for all of your thoughts. As one of my first clients guess it's a little disappointing when you feel you are not helping more. Thanks again! Mike

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on January 21, 2010 at 7:23am

Dennis makes a great point. Allowing transparency is extremely difficult for a child with a parent present in the room, whether that parent is instrumental in the issue or not. And, chances are high that the parent is. My karate sensei comments that he can help ANY child achieve their best, it's the parents who prevent that from happening. Hopefully, Mike can convince the mother to let her son have a private session, now that the relationship has been established.

Adrian, I love your suggested process! (And I'm always learning something new here: today it's your new technical, psychological term...lol)

Regarding the exercise: the best tip I picked up at Katie Evans' weight loss presentation was to reframe that "exercise" word to "recess"! Most everyone loves recess! (Screen first for this reaction, tho...) I recently dug out my jump rope for my midday recess break!

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on January 21, 2010 at 7:42am

Mike,

Here's a process I use to help clients protect themselves against attacks like teasing. I bet your client would find it helpful...

Kelley

Attachments:

• protectiveshield.txt, 10 KB

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on January 21, 2010 at 8:10am

For yourself, it's important to keep in mind that 5 pounds in 2 weeks is a healthy and reasonable rate of weight loss--even a little high. (Rule of thumb is 2 pounds in a week maximum.)

That's why it's important to start any weight loss program with realistic expectations. While it sounds like the mom isn't going to be swayed to invest in a program of reasonable length, you might ask her what kind of results someone would get from two trips to the gym.

James

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Permalink Reply by John Maclean on January 21, 2010 at 10:52am

I have to agree with Adrian on this. There is obviously an underlying emotional/psychological reason for your clients excessive eating behaviour and this needs to be addressed. It's not about hypnosis, it's about the therapy and the therapy has to identify why this child seeks solace in food. Once identified, you can discuss the limiting beliefs and thoughts and help the client come up with alternative behaviours. This can then be incorporated into hypnotherapy sessions. I'm afraid in cases like this mere suggestion is useless. The client needs to establish ownership of the process and this can only be done through the realisation that their coping strategies are false and destructive and that new strategies need to be adopted. In my experience addressing the symptom is futile if you do not treat the cause. Apologies for teaching "grannies to suck eggs!"
John

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on January 21, 2010 at 5:51pm

In your opinion - John

Michael E.

John Maclean said:

I have to agree with Adrian on this. There is obviously an underlying emotional/psychological reason for your clients excessive eating behaviour and this needs to be addressed. It's not about hypnosis, it's about the therapy and the therapy has to identify why this child seeks solace in food. Once identified, you can discuss the limiting beliefs and thoughts and help the client come up with alternative behaviours. This can then be incorporated into hypnotherapy sessions. I'm afraid in cases like this mere suggestion is useless. The client needs to establish ownership of the process and this can only be done through the realisation that their coping strategies are false and destructive and that new strategies need to be adopted. In my experience addressing the symptom is futile if you do not treat the cause. Apologies for teaching "grannies to suck eggs!"
John

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Permalink Reply by Greg M on January 21, 2010 at 6:35pm

What an amazing thread, chock full of insightful, spot-on strategies!

Without scrolling up and down to cite directly, I'd echo that there's no way a kid can feel truly safe with mom in the room. Fine for a first session and getting everyone on the same page, but it might have been more useful to ask mom to wait out of earshot for session 2, and do a quick re-cover interview to see what surfaces (or resurfaces in different terms) in her absence.

Another angle is to follow the "affect bridge" in listening to his emotional map that leads to eating as a coping skill. As others have pointed out in their own fashion, if you can trace back to the last series of thoughts just before those various times and similar circumstances when he *gets up* to go get food, you may be on to the real trigger for the overeating. I can't imagine mom's presence being a benefit in that discussion.

Can't finish without supporting Amber, though. Garbage in, garbage stays in. Maybe junk food should have a warning label, as do cigarettes...

Cheers!

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Permalink Reply by John Maclean on January 22, 2010 at 3:20am

Of course Michael, and my experience ;-)

Michael Ellner said:

In your opinion - John

Michael E.

John Maclean said:

I have to agree with Adrian on this. There is obviously an underlying emotional/psychological reason for your clients excessive eating behaviour and this needs to be addressed. It's not about hypnosis, it's about the therapy and the therapy has to identify why this child seeks solace in food. Once identified, you can discuss the limiting beliefs and thoughts and help the client come up with alternative behaviours. This can then be incorporated into hypnotherapy sessions. I'm afraid in cases like this mere suggestion is useless. The client needs to establish ownership of the process and this can only be done through the realisation that their coping strategies are false and destructive and that new strategies need to be adopted. In my experience addressing the symptom is futile if you do not treat the cause. Apologies for teaching "grannies to suck eggs!"
John

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on January 22, 2010 at 7:58am

Lots of wonderful things have been said. I agree with addressing the emotional causes for the overeating and perhaps using an age regression to discover why it began.

Then I like the idea of using compounding suggestions for kids. Finding out something else he wants to be good at (playing a sport, an instrument, etc) and after the suggestions for eating right and enjoying maintaining a healthy active lifestyle...... "and soon you'll start to notice that the more and more you choose to eat healthy foods, the better and better you also become at playing the guitar, and in fact every time you exercise your body, your mind becomes even more sharp and so focused that your guitar playing improves dramatically...... or something like that. And include the visualizations for both. I think that helps whatever you're really working on (the weight loss) work even better if it was mom's idea to come in.
Just my hypnothoughts!
Debbie

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on January 22, 2010 at 8:44am

Debbie,
Your line of thinking reminds me of something Bill O'Hanlon talks about or mentions about something Erickson used to do.

Evoking an experience that has the skill that can make the changes neccessary. Taking an experience from something the client enjoys or is really good at, bring up all the positive emotions with the skill and then link that with the new direction for change.

I may not have described the process well, but it is a beautiful thing when done correctly.

Steve

Debbie Hart said:

Lots of wonderful things have been said. I agree with addressing the emotional causes for the overeating and perhaps using an age regression to discover why it began. Then I like the idea of using compounding suggestions for kids. Finding out something else he wants to be good at (playing a sport, an instrument, etc) and after the suggestions for eating right and enjoying maintaining a healthy active lifestyle...... "and soon you'll start to notice that the more and more you choose to eat healthy foods, the better and better you also become at playing the guitar, and in fact every time you exercise your body, your mind becomes even more sharp and so focused that your guitar playing improves dramatically...... or something like that. And include the visualizations for both. I think that helps whatever you're really working on (the weight loss) work even better if it was mom's idea to come in.
Just my hypnothoughts!
Debbie

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Permalink Reply by Michael Jackson Burney on January 22, 2010 at 11:22am

Great stuff everyone! Off to the session in a few minutes. We'll see what we can do for this sharp young fellow in our last session together for now. Thanks again! Mike

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Permalink Reply by Pattie Freeman CH.t, MST on January 22, 2010 at 11:16pm

This sounds familiar the moms think a lightning bolt will hit and changes happen right now.,.
Just explain that staying positive from both of them as support for him would help I bet his mom has the
negative thing going on or the pressure he is suffering so he can't relax and do what is right for him.so his mind is fighting
the suggestions.

Also, I find that Parts therapy is a good tool I use it often and find it gets me great results....if your not familar with it
Roy Hunter has a book that is great....check it out!

Pattie

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