the Free Hypnosis Social Network
Let's Stop The Bullshit!
That's right. That's part of our jobs. Stop the limiting beliefs, limiting thoughts, and all the excuses our clients come to us with. And it doesn't matter if the client is in the chair involved with the ritual known as hypnosis, or if they are sitting across from you at the desk. It's our job to stop the bullshit!
I was recently working with a morbidly obese client. She had been overweight most of her life, but not always obese like you might see in kids today. I give an extensive pre-talk, just like you do, and my job, as I see it, is to dispel the myths and preconceived notions about what hypnosis is. I also look to make my clients comfortable and free of fear and doubt, about using this marvelous tool. I set the stage for the "real" hypnosis that takes place later in the session, but I usually am also able to have them experience trance while they are talking with me and I usually verify that trance to them at that time.
When I asked her about her habits and behaviors, to see what we need to improve, she volunteered that she doesn't exercise because she doesn't like to sweat. I couldn't let that comment slip by. It's my job to shake these people up. Here we have a person who has allowed her self image to cause her to go on and off diets, take all kinds of drugs, even have life- threatening gastric by-pass surgery because she has wanted to hold onto certain beliefs that are totally false.
I asked her how she felt after sex? She seemed shocked at first for an instant, and then her shoulders slumped and she allowed the small beginnings of a smile as she said "exhausted". "And what else", I prodded. She started to slowly realize the bullshit she was living, "and sweaty" she admitted. "And how has that prevented you from having sex?" I asked. "it hasn't" was her reply.
So, as I see it, our job is to challenge the bullshit our clients bring in with them, or they'll use them as excuses for staying the same.
In what ways are you re-framing your client's limiting beliefs, thoughts and realities? I'd like to know. As we gather new intel we have more ammunition for the work we love to do.
Was she able to be "cured" with just a few words during a pre-talk? Hell no! But she won't be able to use that excuse again. With me or with herself. And as we whittle away at the excuses and uncover the root cause of "the problem" and neutralize it, we can start to build a new identity for our clients that helps them to live a more satisfying life. Which satisfies both of us.
Marc Carlin
I was recently working with a morbidly obese client. She had been overweight most of her life, but not always obese like you might see in kids today. I give an extensive pre-talk, just like you do, and my job, as I see it, is to dispel the myths and preconceived notions about what hypnosis is. I also look to make my clients comfortable and free of fear and doubt, about using this marvelous tool. I set the stage for the "real" hypnosis that takes place later in the session, but I usually am also able to have them experience trance while they are talking with me and I usually verify that trance to them at that time.
When I asked her about her habits and behaviors, to see what we need to improve, she volunteered that she doesn't exercise because she doesn't like to sweat. I couldn't let that comment slip by. It's my job to shake these people up. Here we have a person who has allowed her self image to cause her to go on and off diets, take all kinds of drugs, even have life- threatening gastric by-pass surgery because she has wanted to hold onto certain beliefs that are totally false.
I asked her how she felt after sex? She seemed shocked at first for an instant, and then her shoulders slumped and she allowed the small beginnings of a smile as she said "exhausted". "And what else", I prodded. She started to slowly realize the bullshit she was living, "and sweaty" she admitted. "And how has that prevented you from having sex?" I asked. "it hasn't" was her reply.
So, as I see it, our job is to challenge the bullshit our clients bring in with them, or they'll use them as excuses for staying the same.
In what ways are you re-framing your client's limiting beliefs, thoughts and realities? I'd like to know. As we gather new intel we have more ammunition for the work we love to do.
Was she able to be "cured" with just a few words during a pre-talk? Hell no! But she won't be able to use that excuse again. With me or with herself. And as we whittle away at the excuses and uncover the root cause of "the problem" and neutralize it, we can start to build a new identity for our clients that helps them to live a more satisfying life. Which satisfies both of us.
Marc Carlin
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Synapse on -
"I asked her how she felt after sex?... "
Nice reframe Mark and a great story.
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Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on -
Hi Synapse,
Yes, I like to reframe the things that clients tell me to show them they can be more resourceful.
There is another aspect to what I was looking to accomplish at that time.
There is something shocking of course about bringing up sex at this moment in the interview. And because it is shocking it puts the client off balance...which is trance. As she goes into this conversational trance state, she becomes more suggestible, and more accepting to not only what I'm saying, but her mind is answering the questions, so it's her idea. Making it much more readily accepted by her. Much less resistance.
She is also regressing back to the time after sex, when she feels great, or exhausted, as she says and she's sweating, reaffirming for her that she does have that ability to sweat and feel good. The next time she sweats while she exercises she might make the connection between exercise and sex! That might not be a bad thing.
Marc
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Permalink Reply by Deborah Yaffee CH CN on -
Awesome, Marc! I love your style!
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Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on
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It is a noun made up of the contraction of the noun for the male mammal in a number of species [A Bull is an adult male of various large mammal species including elk, moose, bovines (especially cattle), elephants, whales, seals, and sea lions.], combined with the noun for solid excretory product evacuated from the bowels.
Commonly known to mean lies. -Blatantly false statements, generally made with intent to deceive.
Use of the word is to evoke a visceral response in the reader, catching their attention and perhaps knocking them off balance
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Permalink Reply by Vince Black on -
Great article. I find that what you are saying about the counter example of having sex and being sweaty vs working out, is almost always present with whatever presenting problem people are bringing. Sometimes people need a little up in your face confrontation. Vince.
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Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on
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That's funny!
Care to share any examples Conrad?
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Permalink Reply by Donna Carter on -
What if... this client is bullshitting about her sex life? Sex is lied about so often that it is hard to know, at first glance (or answer), if what is being said is true.
Isn't that so?
Not saying that this would be or is the case in this instance, but if it does/did happen...there wouldn't be a connection.
D.
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Permalink Reply by Susan French on -
Are you sure that was "stopping the bullshit" or was it "blaming the client"?
I DO agree that experience has taught me that the client has to indicate a commitment (or willingness) to change. On the other hand, experience has also taught me not to expect clients to have insight or to change on my timetable.
I would endeavor to see such a person with compassion. I might decide that I am no longer comfortable working with a person who makes excuses or whose defenses are so high that I can't get through to them. I could choose to discontinue work with them because I've run out of compassion and patience, but I believe that I'm not in a position to judge that someone else is "full of shit" and just not working hard enough.
I also think judgement is the province of the Divine...neither mine nor anyone elses.
Susan
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Permalink Reply by Susan French on
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I believe that you can lead clients to their truths without being aggressive but I don't believe that people's issues are bullshit. I think each person has his own capacity to face his truth and I believe in honoring their pace. That doesn't mean that I won't be firm when necessary but I'm always gentle. It also doesn't occur to me that someone struggling with an issues is bullshitting me. I just think that they are struggling and I help as best as I can.
I also believe that most people who come to us have been bullied and abused and have somehow had their faith in their own abilities damaged. I believe it is probably especially true with someone like that obese client, who may very well have molestation or rape or other abuse in her background. The statistics are sickening.
I don't want to be "just one more abuser" in my zeal to help them. I believe that you can lead a person to their truths without shoving it down their throats or forgetting to be sensitive to their timelines.
I've worked with a lot of people who have had horrible abuse in their childhoods. My experience is that they get there as they can and if I try to push them before they're ready, they just bolt. And leave feeling blamed and ashamed on top of that.
I think you can be firm and gentle at the same time and get better results. And my clients stick around long enough to get better.
Just my take.
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Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on
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I am not at all concerned with whether my clients are trying to bullshit me, after all it's their money. If they think it serves their purpose to bullshit the person who they are paying to help them, like I said, it's their money.
I am much more concerned with them bullshitting themselves. And since I am sincere, and my compassion shines through all my communication, ( well it is my belief, so I'm entitled to believe it) then I get through to them on their level.
Why would you think that I'm not compassionate with them? I am not there to coddle them and to support their problematic behavior, that is not what I am there for. I am also not going to second guess why they are obese, and try to figure out ahead of time that it's their history of sexual abuse, or some other type of abuse that's causing that problem...that's what the work is for. I let their subconscious guide us to whatever is causing the problem if it's necessary, and I leave analysis and talk therapy to the therapists.
I am not judging them, just pointing out the lies they tell themselves.
You seem to be adding a whole lot more into this than I presented.
Marc
P.S. The client is doing quite well, exercising and proud of doing so. Making commitments for change and following through on them. She is radiating health and glowing with enthusiasm each time she enters my office. The proof is in the pudding as they say.
We all have different approaches to this work. Our uniqueness is why some people choose to see me, and some choose to see someone down the street. I do choose my clients carefully, seeking those I believe I can truly help in the way that I work. Those that I think are not a good fit, I will gladly refer to someone who works differently, perhaps like you.
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Permalink Reply by John Jackson on -
I use similar method when addressing clients problems especially if I think they are bs'ing me.I tell them two things are certain in this session
Firstly I will hypnotise and treat you and secondly you will pay me for the therapy at the end of the session.
So what you give to me to work with is what I use to treat you, therefore if you are bullshitting, you are only bullshitting yourself.
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Permalink Reply by kirby vonshouse on -
careful marc, you might get results that resolve an issue , that could put alot of psychotherapist out of biz. with people realizing " i see, how do you feel about that" isnt worth 100 dollars an hour for x-number of years. lol
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