13 year old - Anger, and problems at school

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Permalink Reply by Linda Danson on July 3, 2008 at 2:42am

Hello Glynes,
As a special needs teacher as well as a hypnotherapist, I often find symptoms like those you mention. I'd be looking at the possibility of ADHD or similar potential difficulties before looking for the root cause of behaviour. Has the school physchologist assessed the young man?
Linda

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Permalink Reply by Susan French on July 3, 2008 at 8:18am

I think you have to factor in the fact that he's 13 and he's a boy. Children have to individuate in order to become adult and self-reliant. That biological need often ends up becoming a power struggle between parent and child. It probably needs to do that.

I find that it helps to explain individuation to both child and parent. Then it seems less threatening if it has a natural cause (which it does, at least in part).

Secondly, the human brain doesn't completely mature until the age of 25ish. These poor adolescents are struggling with growing brains, bodies, and maturational issues. What a mess!

The third thing I do is look for the dynamics and communications between the parent and child. Usually there is a big disconnect in communication and neither can hear the other. When you can bridge that divide, a lot of the hurt and anger melt away.

You can use calming, everything is OK, go with the flow, trust yourself, you can speak your mind without getting angry kinds of hypnosis suggestions but usually I tackle the issues above first.

But that's just me.

Susan French

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Permalink Reply by Melissa J. Roth on July 4, 2008 at 6:54am

I think everything the others have said has merit. But, I'd like to suggest one thing. Begin by asking the kid how his life is going to improve when this (struggle, anger, conflict, etc.) is no longer an issue in his life? (Use the word improve, no others). Then, keep pressing for a behavior. If he says everyone will leave him alone or he will be happier or something along those lines he has not properly answered the question. Follow it up with "What will you be doing when you are happier or everyone leaves you alone, etc. ." Persist until you get a behavior out of him, not an emotion.

If he doesn't identify a benefit for himself no amount of any therapy will work. Once you get a behavior then you can use either Parts therapy or an NLP reframe to let his unconscious come up with creative ways it can get that benefit for himself.

The psychologists label his behavior as oppositional/defiant disorder. I have seen a lot of these kids and they are all brighter than average, have a high need for things to be logical and have a need to be in control of themselves and their environment. But, the ones I've seen also have a low frustration threshold. Therefore, when they are consistently frustrated the anger manifests. By all means, guide him to come up with new, creative behaviors that meet his needs and allows him to live in community at school. I usually tell them that for the next 10 nights, as they sleep and dream a most wonderful dream, that their UM is directed to develop at least 3 new behaviors each night that meets his original positive intentions but does so in ways that are healthy, positive and beneficial for him and that will allow him to live in community at school. Then, as he goes through his day the next day it is to try one of these new behaviors after another until a successful one or ones is found.

It's worth a try.

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig - HypnosisAustin on July 4, 2008 at 7:14am

I used to be a substitute teacher, and I've informally mentored a number of teenagers. (They adopt me for some reason I haven't quite figured out.)

Convey in everything that you do that you consider him an adult. So he's angry over the nonsense that his teacher wants him to put up with--can you imagine how you would react if you (as an adult) had to put up with the BS that schools put their students through? Teenagers hate to be treated like children.

Also, beware of the labels that the teachers and his mother have given him. When I was teaching, I found there were certain students who had been labeled "troublemakers" by the teachers, who then told other teachers, who treated the students as troublemakers. And guess what? The students lived up to those expectations. When I treated those students with dignity, they often responded well.

I envy him in certain ways. I wish I'd been lucky enough to be shown the power of hypnosis when I was just thirteen.

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Permalink Reply by Susan French on July 4, 2008 at 9:11am

Hi Melissa,

I love what you shared. Thank you.

Susan

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