Client needs support during (temporary?) separation.

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on August 17, 2011 at 6:45pm

Sending you something to your mailbox! :)

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Permalink Reply by Richard Nongard - NLPBoard.com on August 17, 2011 at 7:22pm

You are 100% correct to not become emeshed in the details, that would be marriage therapy, which is of course, quite different than hypnosis.  And the reality is, a hypnotist in this situation can handle it best by giving her what she wants:   Hypnosis to deal with the situation.

You are also correct in that "taking away" the pain might not be a wise idea.  After all, sometimes life is painful and that is what keeps us human beings rather than human doings....

I would structure a hypnosis session with her that focused on helping her attend to the moment, incorporating mindfulness based stress reduction (see post with a 50 page pdf in the ICBCH group here on hypnothoughts) and  providing hypnosis that allows her to identify and use her internal resources to problem solve as she sees fit.    

In my experience, a temporary separation 90% of the time is a stepping stone to divorce.   And so she may benefit from hypnosis to process grief (Steve Andreas Grief NLP Pattern); call upon her higher-self to move into a new chapter of life and as a tool for stepping back from emotion (which is far different than "taking away pain") and seeing herself at this starting point of today.

 

You can always call me for resources Walt!   :)

 

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on August 18, 2011 at 5:02am

Hi Walt,

I agree with Richard about grief.

My take follows along the lines of it’s ok to feel what we feel and the minute we do that we stop resisting and can start being in charge of what we feel.

 

I think it is Steve Andreas, (I hope), that talks about the void that appears when we lose something, anything. And how people have a tendency to start filling that void with sad things. Out of all the things we can fill that empty space with, we start filling it with sad things and painful things.

 

Out of hundreds of thousands of good experiences that we could remember, we have a tendency to pick the ones that keep us sad, as if it is the only way to hold on. I literally ask people to think of some pleasant thing, some happy thing from the memories of, or even just the feeling of some thing or time, without the context and put that in the void and ask them how that idea feels.

 

If through analogies or metaphors or just some examples you can get her on board with what Richard describes in his post, so that as you are bringing this idea of a, “new chapter of life,”  she is nodding yes, I think you will be very successful.

 

A new chapter of life takes nothing away from all the positive things we’ve experienced and still keeps doors open that we want to keep open.

 

I recently created unnecessary doubt for myself and found I had to set it down in order to keep some doors open. I treated the doubt as if it were an old coat, an old dirty heavy coat that I could take off and leave on the ground at the starting line, the starting line being the moment to start, and when I thought about how the absence of doubt effected how I see the world, I saw hope. This came to mind when I read what Richard wrote and the words he used, “…..and seeing herself at the starting point of today.”

 

Without doubt, from this point on can be enjoyable, keeping that door to joy open we can start walking through it remembering as many good experiences as we want. The goal is to allow it to keep getting better.

 

From Richard’s post:

“…call upon her higher-self to move into a new chapter of life and as a tool for stepping back from emotion (which is far different than "taking away pain") and seeing herself at this starting point of today.”

 

I like your approach, keep up the good work.

 

Steve

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on August 18, 2011 at 5:58am

I agree with Richard-

 

Pain is a natural reaction to loss and suffering is optional -- 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on August 18, 2011 at 10:16am

Hi Michael,

I like that reminder. I'll have to put that in my list of favorite sayings.....and suffering is optional, who would have thought?
Michael Ellner said:

I agree with Richard-

 

Pain is a natural reaction to loss and suffering is optional -- 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Walt on August 19, 2011 at 5:10pm

Thanks All,

This has been helpful.

 

When I work on my physical pain the first thing I work on is removing the suffering. I use a 5 inch brush dipped into a paint can full of brown goo. My SC chose the brush and the goo the first time I went after suffering.

 

Walt

 

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