Dating a former client- is this allowed?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jerry on February 23, 2011 at 7:59am

Thanks to everybody for the unanimous advice-

 

I knew it wouldn't be okay to ask her out right away.  I guess my real question was, "how long should I wait before it's okay to ask her out?"  I was hoping for an answer closer to six months, but I guess two years makes sense.  Oh well, maybe she has a sister (only kidding).

 

I was going to ask some of the same questionos James just asked above as a follow up.  If I hadn't charged her, would it be different, etc?

 

I'm not into hypnosis for the girls and groupies, I'm just curious about this topic.

 

thank you again,

Jerry

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on February 23, 2011 at 9:58am

Hi Jerry,

I think you got the info that you requested.  Under no circumstance should you date your client.  Period! 

And there is no reason for it at all.  As was mentioned, there are plenty of people from which to choose, and who you thought this person was in your office could be thought about most of the other people that you haven't met yet.

 

Think of how a judge in downtown anywhere USA would consider what you got involved in should this be brought up before them?  Do you think they might fully understand what a hypnotist is or is not capable of?

 

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Hanover on February 23, 2011 at 4:40pm

Hi Jerry,

 

I just posted something in another thread that seems to be applicable for this one as well. I hope everyone will forgive the repetition.

 

I'm a client, not a hypnotherapist, and I've worked with people in the "helping professions" from both ends of the spectrum--from truly gifted, genius, incredibly effective, high-integrity practitioners who help people for all the right reasons to manipulative, selfish, co-dependent, unethical poseurs who use and abuse clients for their own gratification at the other end. I know firsthand exactly how destructive that is to a client.

 

So co-dependency among helping professionals is a really, really big deal to me.

 

The man who first introduced me to NLP is at the genius end of the spectrum. In our first meeting, he said some magic words to me:

 

Kathleen, before we can work together, you need to know what business we have with each other. I will always be your coach. You can tell me anything--anything--and I will never judge you. I will never have any other kind of relationship with you, ever. I will never take advantage of your trust.

 

As your coach, I will never care more about you, and what you accomplish, than you do. I will never be more invested in your success than you are. I don't care what you do, one way or the other--I maintain a position of positive neutrality. But I value my time, and if I don't think that working with you is valuable for both of us, I'll fire you as a client. I am happy with myself and my life, and I don't need you to do what I tell you to be happy. I will be happy no matter what you do. I am here to help you learn how to have your own happy life, regardless of what's going on around you.

 

Because he said this during our first meeting and lived it in every interaction thereafter, I made enormous progress with his help.

 

The problem with abusing the therapeutic relationship and turning into a romantic relationship is that you as the therapist suddenly have a profound investment in the outcome of the therapy. You have a horse in the race...and to carry the metaphor forward, you're actually competing against the person who started as your client.

 

What's in her best interest as a client may NOT be in YOUR best interest as her boyfriend. What if she wants to lose weight (and thus become a total hottie) but you, on some level, don't want her to be ogled by other men? What if she has some social anxiety she wants to get over...but you don't mind her spending a lot of time at home with you?

 

As part of the therapeutic relationship, you learn your client's weaknesses. You learn what pushes her buttons (good and bad). The reason the client is willing to bare her soul and let you into her head is that she has an expectation that you won't use that knowledge against her, for your own benefit.

 

By experiencing an attraction to her, you've already disqualified yourself from being able to be objective. And if you don't have the objectivity and therapeutic boundaries, you're just a creepy guy using hypnosis to hit on a woman who came to you for help--and, adding injury to insult--expecting her to pay for it.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jaye Stephens on February 24, 2011 at 4:01pm

Hi Jerry ,

 

For me i have to wait 3 Years before i  can start to date a former client .

 

I have had just in the last couple of months 2 women who start with the giggles and the flirting as a eg. and ask if i am with someone , blah, blah  , And i have to tell them that this is not allowed firmly ,

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by tim traviolia on February 27, 2011 at 7:26am

We are the practitioners, the clients are at our mercy so to speak. Anything resulting from that encounter must be treated with respect. To follow up on the connection is not supported in ethical standards. That's the answer it looks like no one wanted to give you.

• ▶ Reply

▶ Reply to Discussion

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page