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Delightful flexibilty of our English language(s)
Hypnosis and language are inseperable partners. In fact Hypnosis is about our ability to communicate complex pictures and ideas through language. One of the ways of developing the flexibility and insight needed to "use" language as a tool is to stretch your creative imaginations with word games. I am sure to the unfettered delight of my English and Australian friends, here are some really creative ways we Americans have devised to demonstrate linguistic flexibility. I am sure there are others.
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n..): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out...
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Tongue held firmly in cheek .... We needed the laugh didn't we?
Hugh Cole
The Pretty Goodest Hypnotist on the Planet
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Walt on -
Hugh,
Thanks, I'll pass this out to my students as they turn in their exams today.
Starts my day off well.
; > }
Walt
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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on -
Hugh,
That was great! Thanks!
John
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Permalink Reply by Brett Cameron on -
Thank you Hugh,
I haven't had such a belly laugh for some time. A treasure
Brett
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Permalink Reply by Nick Davies on -
It seems some "English" people struggle to grasp our language too "Yet there (should their) pigeon (should be pidgin) version only..." LOL
Scott Brown said:Hi Hugh,
Americans don't speak English , they have changed all the spellings and pronounced it differently because they want to appear superior and not associated with the English. Yet there pigeon version only serves to dumb down the intellect and each region in America seems to have it's own spin on language. Making American accents sound weird to Americans, let alone the rest of the world.
Warmest Regards
Scott.
Below is a short mp3 of me speaking English the way it should.
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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on -
My son's addition to the list: Fartle,(v). To emit flatulence with intent to surprise
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Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on -
Well that seemed to go right over his head Nick.
You are quite right of course; some of the worst use of english, comes from people this side of the pond.
and as regards, american accents sounding weird... there is far more regional variation in local accents, dialects and colloquialisms, in England than there is in the states.
I find it hard to work out what either of my brother in laws are saying, and they locals, but with a broad wearside accent.
What the Geordies (who live fifteen miles away) are trying to communicate, is even harder for me to decypher.
And the west country dialect (Bristol area) is like a complete mystery to me.
Most Americans, sound pretty much like Americans to me. I can tell the difference between a southern states accent, and a new york accent, but by and large it is all pretty intelligable.
The spelling however seems to be pretty bad both east and west. the number of people who type 'there' when they mean 'their' is amazing. And my brother in law, (who isvery unlearned, so can be excused) would definately think that pidgin and pigeon were the same thing.
LOve and hugs,
Fable
( Lawrie Shaw the Sunderland Hypnotherapist )
lawrie-shaw.com
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Permalink Reply by Jackie Spencer on -
I laughed so hard...oops! My kids love this.
Kelley Woods said:My son's addition to the list: Fartle,(v). To emit flatulence with intent to surprise
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Permalink Reply by Duncan Murray on -
Brilliant!!!
But not quite as funny as the way Texans talk - you need a dictionary for them! Fortunately a kindly Texan (now living in some far off country for his own safety) provided one:
http://www.talkintexan.com/book.htm
And living the correct side of the pond I'm pretty safe too!
Cheers!
Duncan
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Permalink Reply by Pat Myers on -
There actually is no "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above. (For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
But if you found the above list delightful, much better to see the real thing -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. It's published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.
Including our brand-new one: Come up with a new word that has a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet -- going backward.
And the results we just posted (Feb. 20, 2010) is the same contest with the letters going forward.
The top winners:
Coughin: A small enclosure designed especially for smokers. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
Mno: The kind of response that makes you want to ask her again. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Noplow: Washington, D.C.'s, snow emergency plan. (Jack Clark, Westfield, N.J.)
. Geode-face: Someone whose beauty is "sparkling inside." (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the new contest (click on Week 857) at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational .
p.s. I hope this doesn't count as "advertising" -- just wanted to point out the inaccuracies in the post above (which has been spreading around the Internet for 12 years) and show you where you can find the real thing!
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