Does something that is free have value?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elisabeth on May 18, 2009 at 11:06am

:-)

Possibly she thought she was doing him a favor. She might not have understood that he really is a hypnotist and he really can and really does help people with phobias. It sounds to me like condescension brought on by a mixture of skepticism and ignorance... and as you say, probably also a dash of fear - holy moly, what will I have to talk about if it works?? Or, embarrassment - what will my coffee friends think of me if I stay behind for such a thing? Regardless, she clearly did make the decision that coffee with the girls had greater value for her at that moment, and by not taking more definite steps to secure an appointment (or a phone number, or whatever) she also seems to have made it clear that the idea itself was not valuable either.

(Sorry to go all serious on you after making such a wisecrack! I've been trying to understand the phenomenon myself :-)

Fable Goodman said:

As if she was doing john a favour!

Let her keep her phobia as long as it is a good conversation piece.

LOve and hugs,

Fable
Elisabeth said:

Big of her! :-D
John Cleesattel said:

maybe she would give me the opportunity some other time

John

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Elisabeth on May 18, 2009 at 11:22am

So thinking this over to my drawing for a free session...

I notified the winner that she had won a free introductory session and gave a deadline for scheduling. She inquired my availability for a couple of dates close to the deadline. I replied with my availability on those dates and did not hear back from her. When her selected dates had passed I asked if she still wanted to schedule and ... huh ... probably sounded desperate when I thought I was being nice and giving her an opportunity to still schedule within the deadline.

Oh well. It's still bizarre to me that someone would enter a drawing that clearly puts them on a mailing list, and then not only decline the prize, but also call the mailing list junk. Why go to the trouble??

Conrad Cook said:

Under the NLP persuasion model I'm familiar with, which is basically Kendrick Cleveland's, you made a blunder by offering your services in a way that allowed her to reframe it as something you wanted.

The alternative is to structure an opportunity for her. For example, "If that irrational fear is something that you don't want to keep, I can make some time after this meeting to see if you're a good trance subject."

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Susan French on May 18, 2009 at 11:46am

Conrad, you're so funny...and if you're not paying attention, can slip right on by.

Your point is a good one though. I think we have to look to our own motivations as well. If you ask yourself the question:" why am I really doing this?," you might have to face the fact that your gift wasn't really entirely free.

For instance, when I find myself in that kind of quandary I might say to myself: "Self, are you offering this help to 1) feel better about yourself, 2) to win love and approval, 3) to get practice, 4) to promote yourself by word-of-mouth, or 5) to help another person, no strings, for the purest and lovingness of reasons?"

Cuz I keep thinking, if I'm truly giving something away, for the purest and lovingnest of reasons, should I need some kind of preferred response? I don't mean this in a pollyanna, "kick-me,-it-doesn't-matter" kind of way.

Someone mentioned earlier in the thread that rather than automatically thinking: "I can't do something nice for someone or give them something free or they'll spit on me AND my gift." that maybe it's better to be sensitive to how the offer is being received. I think it's kind of easy to know in the moment if the person will be appreciative or not if you pay attention. If you're wrong and you miss their lack of appreciativeness, you'll assess better in the future (hopefully).

I mean, how many of us have had the "bible and handouts" people come to the door and try to "give us" their gift of faith? Pretty annoying, especially when you're busy or you really disagree with what they have to say.

So maybe its a bit more of a two-way street than what it might seem to us as the giver????

And being careful to acknowledge how hurtful and aggravating it is, John, when people do that...IT REALLY DOES HURT... and it makes you doubt yourself. So If you decided that you preferred hardening your heart and avoiding those kinds of incidents, I totally get it and would support you in your decision.

Susan

Conrad Cook said:

John Cleesattel said:

But your point is entirely possible. In one case, these women in a meeting were discussing their fears when one lady said she had an intense phobia of snakes. When I was pointed out as a hypnotist that helped people with fears, I introduced myself and offered to help the lady with the phobia of snakes, she agreed to get together after the meeting. When the end of the meeting came, she said that she was going out for coffee with the girls and perhaps she would give me the opportunity to hypnotize her some other time.

I can't see where the approach had difficulty myself, but it is entirely possible. Perhaps it was just skepticism of hypnosis in general, who knows. The bottom line is there was no value there.

John

While the ladies are tidying themselves up, I'll point this out.

Under the NLP persuasion model I'm familiar with, which is basically Kendrick Cleveland's, you made a blunder by offering your services in a way that allowed her to reframe it as something you wanted.

The alternative is to structure an opportunity for her. For example, "If that irrational fear is something that you don't want to keep, I can make some time after this meeting to see if you're a good trance subject."

The parts of this are:

1. It's of benefit to her.
2. You're being a nice guy in making time for her now.
3. You have not given her the option of claiming your time later; it's a moving target.
4. The expectation is placed on her that she has to pass some kind of test (a suggestibility and compliance test) to see whether she's suitable for you to work with.

If someone doesn't like to say no, and invents a bogus excuse, then I figure they just don't want to work with me, and that's fine.

But I will not let an assumption like hers go. I will say, "I haven't made the general offer to do free work. If coffee with your friends is more important to you than getting rid of your phobia, you get to keep the phobia."


Conrad.

,"

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Greg Turner on May 18, 2009 at 12:33pm

As always, the answer to your question is context dependent. I think the fact of Google, Youtube, Twitter, Ning, FaceBook, etc shows that yes, sometimes Free is very, very valuable.

There is one context in which free works very well to attract clients to a practice based on seeing clients. I advise my clients to offer free consultations. However, this is NOT to give a free hypnosis session, or whatever your specialty is. Rather, it is a time to lead the prospect into clarifying what changes they would like to have happen, create a vision of possibility (which means asking them, "so if you made that change, what would that mean for you?"), helping them to clarify what is stopping them from achieving their vision. And then offering your services as a means to them to achieve their vision (not resolve the problem). This works very well in assisting prospects to sign up for your program where you help them to achieve their vision (and along the way resolve the initial presenting problems).

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on May 18, 2009 at 2:51pm

But I will not let an assumption like hers go. I will say, "I haven't made the general offer to do free work. If coffee with your friends is more important to you than getting rid of your phobia, you get to keep the phobia."
Conrad.

Actually, I told her it was okay with me, I wasn't afraid of snakes ;)

John

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Elisabeth on May 18, 2009 at 3:07pm

LOL

John Cleesattel said:

Actually, I told her it was okay with me, I wasn't afraid of snakes ;)

John

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dale Welch on May 18, 2009 at 4:45pm

Susan French said:

Conrad, you're so funny...and if you're not paying attention, can slip right on by.

Your point is a good one though. I think we have to look to our own motivations as well. If you ask yourself the question:" why am I really doing this?," you might have to face the fact that your gift wasn't really entirely free.

. . . i really don't think you should worry about some secondary gain on your part. Unless that is your only real reason for doing it. As they say "Just Do It".

. . . I mean, how many of us have had the "bible and handouts" people come to the door and try to "give us" their gift of faith? Pretty annoying, especially when you're busy or you really disagree with what they have to say.

Have you talked to a hypnotist without letting on that you are one... You might be surprised how many sound like one of those people who come to your door holding handouts. :-) I know i talked to one hypnotist who said he had to settle back and study because he wanted to get away from the "religion" of hypnosis and get to the science of it. But if i understood him correctly he felt far too many instructors were not focused enough on the science for him.

So maybe its a bit more of a two-way street than what it might seem to us as the giver????

. . . So If you decided that you preferred hardening your heart. . .

Now you are really starting to sound like a Bible Thumper...

---dale

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Susan French on May 18, 2009 at 5:50pm

After posting I remembered that I had done some mentoring under one of the teachers at HMI and one of the things we talked about was how to offer sessions to strangers. I thought her suggestion was a really good one...practical and professional. She said if you strike up a conversation with someone and they mention some kind of issue that hypnosis would be helpful for, engage the person to talk about that issue for awhile. Then you can say "I work with that issue all the time using hypnosis. I have to run now but here is my card. Call me anytime at my office and I can tell you more" or something like that.

Then you don't even have to give a session for free or you could offer a complimentary consultation so that they see what hypnosis is all about. It seemed like a reasonable way to handle this kind of in-person cold-calling.

Just a thought.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by bob burns on May 19, 2009 at 2:26am

I would have to agree with all of the above. I think the problem is we therapists, by definition, are people who have a desire to helpe people. In truth, with myself I think it goes something like this: I want to charge this person £150 but if they don't have the money and they're here and I'm here and I enjoy helping people and I enjoy doing this thing that I do, soooooo......... let's just do it.
I've done several radio shows over the last month on hypnosis. On each programme I've hypnotised the presenters and their staff (the inductions were NOT broadcasted obviously) and due to the results my phone has been wringing a lot. But here's the thing. One of the presenters (I think it was from BBC South) asked me if it was true that I left one day of the week for those suffering from chronic pain and that I DID NOT charge any monies for this. He also asked if he could broadcast the fact. To cut a very long story short I rather tentatively gave my consent, and, guess what................?
Over the last two weeks since that broadcast I have not had one caller from the radio show! Could be a coincidence but I rather doubt it.
I also once met a guy who charged £1,200 for his stop smoking hypnotherapy, which was a one day event including a light lunch (LOL). He absolutely assured me, and by the way he came across I totally believed him, that "When they pay that amount of money they stop permanently. In fact I actually believe they enter hypnosis as they write the cheque!"
Having said that, as I said above, to take away chronic pain (or make it much easier to live with) from someone who obviously cannot afford it, I believe gives me a bigger kick than the monies would.

Bob

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by bob burns on May 19, 2009 at 2:41am

I forgot this story, I think it's simply the best example of 'how many people think'.
I have a friend by the name of Anna Sotto (I do have her permission to repeat this story) who is a retired school teacher. She now teaches 'English Lit' in Israel.
She told me some years ago that she was on a bus travelling to her home in Tivon from Nazareth (romantic huh?) when she overheard two ladies talking on the seat in front of her; (I'm going to get the actual numbers within the currency wrong but you'll get the picture).
"So how much does your English teacher charge?" Asked one. "Twelve shekels " said the other. "What?!" Exclaimed the first lady. "My English teacher only charges 7 shekels. You'll have to give me her phone number!"
Anna told me: "At the time I was only charging 6 shekels. I went home and immediately raised my fees to 10 shekels. I thought I might get more money for working with less people, but, lo and behold, my student numbers went up immediately".
Interesting.

Bob

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Deborah Henning on May 19, 2009 at 3:55am

Hey John,

Well for starters, I definitely would not pay 250.00 for a pen. I don't think I could find one that I would pay that much for or I would be afraid to use it for fear of wrecking it. If I won't use it ..I won't buy it. LOL
I would have to say that I I'm in the middle here because some will be greatful for a free service and yet there are those who just wish to take advantage of others and those who don't care one way or the other...I believe as long as you feel good giving, when you feel the need, that's all that matters...eventually you will get the good back...you can't go wrong when you give from your heart.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Allan Doane on May 19, 2009 at 5:47am

It think that value is a question of perception and is totally subjective. If I pay $300 for a blender and leave it in my cabinet and never use it, I have derived no value from it. If someone gives me a magnificent teaching and I don't apply the lessons to my life, there's no value (to me). Someone else may hear receive the same teaching, put it into practice and find that their life is dramatically changed.

I agree that conventionally there may be an equivalence between "free" and "no value", but it's not just money that we're talking about. It's a question of investment. Time invested in a free gift, or effort invested in a free gift.

If I offer free sessions out of the goodness of my heart, that doesn't make them inherently valueless, any more than giving away a pen that cost me $250. The value is perceived by the recipient based on his/her current frame of reference. And the value will go up or down as that frame of reference changes over time.

How many times have we said, after the fact, "That was a complete waste of time/money/effort!"? The value we ascribe to a thing is our perception, regardless of how much money, time or effort we put into it.

• ▶ Reply

▶ Reply to Discussion

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• Next ›
• Page