firing your clients - when why and how?

Hello Hypno-People of Earth,

We find your planet to be of interest. Just like the title says, we are specifically interested in finding out what you all think about the topic of firing your clients, and the when, why and how of it.

By firing your clients, we are referring to the times when you decide to prematurely end a hypnotist-client relationship for whatever reason, any time after starting the work. We are interested in this subject because for us there is a very blurry line between "blaming the client", "giving in" to hypnotist frustration and throwing in the towel, and actually firing the client because it is objectively in the best interest of the client... or some combination of these.

(Of course, ideally, unsuitable client types would be filtered out before ever starting the work, but realistically a few will get through any screening process. So hopefully this topic will be about those few who sneak thru, and not about how to optimize a screening process.)

To start off: we find it rare to have to take this step, but when we do, there seems to be a common theme involved. We do not know if it is just us, or if other practitioners experience this same scenario: it usually is in the circumstance of a client who for some reason is unable to allow themselves to even consider or express that they have self-worth. For some reason, we find this to be most common with weight-loss clients who, despite pre-screening, seem to believe that hypnosis will magically cause them to make healthy choices for themselves, despite very poor self-image ("I am a fat worthless ugly child") and self-esteem. In other words, they want to be thinner or get different results from life, but without having to change anything about how they think or feel, especially about themselves. In these cases, attempts to increase a person's sense of self-worth are sometimes greeted with virulent sarcasm and open derision.

For these types of clients, we find it easy to just fire them. Our thinking is that we cannot convince anyone to have a sense of self-worth if they are determined to hold onto feelings of self-pity and loathing (plus convincing people about things like that is not our role, anyway). But we wonder if we are just taking the easy way out --- partly because we cannot help finding this type of mentality to be repellent? We know that with persistence almost all puzzles can be solved, but at what cost?

The strange thing is, we find that while these types of clients can be very dismissive and cynical about the process during the work, once they realize that we are ending the relationship, they can get very upset about that. In these cases, we also sometimes suspect that they were just looking for another "thing that they tried which didn't work either", and we do not want to play along with that game.

So we are looking for input regarding warning signs that you all look out for, and how do you distinguish between "justifiable firings", so to speak, and not.

Zontar ends transmission now.

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Permalink Reply by Donna Carter on May 9, 2009 at 2:46pm

You know...
I think firing them would be the easy way out... ~evil grin.
I totally believe in persistence...and I think the cost, if looked at as a challenge - is greater understanding.

Weight-loss clients in particular (IMHO) are moody and can be difficult because they are running on crap food.
Grabbing things like slim-fast and diet pills; further poisoning their body! Filling the body with cruddy food...the brain is starving for nutrients...who can function properly with a brain that doesn't have the food it needs?

But it isn't just people with weight issues...Our society is full of people who are trying to fix their lives and they are looking at all these quick band-aids and never fixing one of the main problems.

My first stop is: what is your diet? I can't help it. It makes sense to me.
Amazingly we have a body that some how compensates for our failings...
at least ~grin, for a little while.
The bottom line is..
People can't function properly without good nutrition.
Food alters behavior.

~D.

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on May 9, 2009 at 3:04pm

There is only one reason that I have fired clients. When they won't follow instructions. Not because they didn't understand them, but because of a control issue like Donna talks about. It has only happened twice that I "fired them".

The metaphor I use is simple: They come to the park to see the waterfalls. As park ranger I give them directions to follow and which paths to take. If they follow my directions.. the will see the falls, if not, they won't.

The termination speech I use is also simple: I'm sorry, but it doesn't appear that I am the one who can help you. Good luck to you.

I may suggest some avenue that they might be successful at if I can think of one.

John

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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on May 9, 2009 at 3:05pm

You know, it does make sense to us that if their diet were better, then these particular folks maybe would not be such "debbie downers" --- (we hope we did not just insult or cause "agita" for anyone named "Debbie" here). But then that leads to a chicken-and-egg scenario where they need to first change their behavior and maybe not eat from the drive-thru every night.... in order to make it possible to change their behavior. But that is a whole nother bag of worms.

"Grabbing things like slim-fast and diet pills; further poisoning their body!" Yes, and we think that those types of "solutions" have not only poisoned the body, but also the mind, particularly of that market segment --- by feeding the mentality that there is some magic solution that involves no real change.

Zontar thanks you for your post, and returns an evil grin back to you.

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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on May 9, 2009 at 3:21pm

We wonder, by "following instructions", do you mean instructions regarding induction/trance processes, or instructions regarding specific changework, or both. For example, if you are doing parts therapy or "inner child" type work, and client rejects it, not out of apparent discomfort or fear, which we feel should be respected and perhaps could be addressed, but rather out of a "know-it-all" attitude, ie. "That's stupid! I just want to lose weight!" Obviously, one way to handle it would be to just try something else... but could that not be leaving the client to unduly control the process, and also tolerating, possibly encouraging, a crummy attitude?

One of the concerns we have is that we may be too quick to cut our perceived losses. On the other hand, when "firing" occurs later in the process, with more investment on both sides, it tends to be more disruptive.

Zontar thanks you for your input.

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Permalink Reply by Joe K Fobes on May 9, 2009 at 5:31pm

I just had to comment....

Great topic!

It appears to me that a lot of therapy is about changing ideas and perceptions, so why can't simply treat this as another idea and perception? Yet there is the issue that the perception we want to change is a meta perception as it pertains to the process that we use...

As a friend of mine once said after I blamed him for not following instructions "so just hypnotize me to follow instructions"

Something to chew on...

Joe

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on May 9, 2009 at 7:54pm

That would be following instructions to induce trance. The ones to whom proving they can overcome hypnosis is more important that any change work that they said they wanted. Essentially they want a stage show hypnotist to mess with and couldn't find a stage show so they came to me.

They had their own agenda as to what they thought they should do and continually disregarded what I asked them to do.

Instead of a win some lose some scenario, it was a "I will no longer let you waste my time" scenario.

John

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on May 9, 2009 at 8:00pm

Because hypnosis does not affect free will. We cannot make them do something they don't want to do, or have them expect for hypnosis to do it "for them".

"so just hypnotize me to follow instructions"?

My reply: "Is that what you want? For me to take away your free will? I can do that!... Are you READY?"

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Permalink Reply by Joe K Fobes on May 9, 2009 at 9:32pm

lol

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Permalink Reply by Roger Moore on May 10, 2009 at 3:11am

Great topic! I don't fire clients very often, but I have done it. For me, it is the awareness that I am working far harder for their goal then they are. If I am doing all the work and they aren't holding up their end of the deal, then we talk. If things don't change, I refer them on to someone else. In all but once instance, they were back in my office within 30 days ready to go to work and great things happened.

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Permalink Reply by Susan French on May 10, 2009 at 4:41am

Hi Grumpy,

Thanks for clarifying exactly what you were asking. That's always helpful so we don't go all over the place.

That's a really good question also. I like that you delinated between "blaming the client," "giving in" to our own frustration and "throwing in the towel" vs. firing a client.

It's a really interesting use of words. In 12-step, we talk about firing a sponsor or firing a sponsee. Very interesting concept all around and it really is much different than the other conditions you mentioned.

I've only fired two clients. In both cases these women 1) argued with me constantly about my thoughts and 2) tried to control the flow of the session. In both cases I warned them that they had to let me be the therapist and stop trying to control me and the therapy. Of course, you know me, I tried accommodating them in every way possible.

When they couldn't follow that directive, I told them I couldn't help them under the circumstances and we needed to terminate the therapy.

I don't have a stringent screening process. I give everyone a chance to see if they can benefit and I give a lot of grace for idiosyncrases and what we call in Yiddish (not sure if I can spell it but its a great word) mishugas, which kinda means "nuttinesses". I could probably work with a "Felix" of the Odd Couple.

So: warning signs, justifiable firings vs. my own temper tantrums perhaps?

I rely on my sense of the client's "willingness" to achieve goals or wellness. I think the big key is "willingess".

Again, (sorry but it applies), in 12-step they talk a lot about willingness. They talk a lot about praying for the willingness to be willing (to get clean and sober or anything else you're having difficulty with, like being nice to someone you're mad at).

I've learned to look for the willingness on the part of the client to do what it takes to achieve their goal. If they start hemming and hawing, then I pursue a line of questioning to determine their willingess, or how ready they are to do the work necessary to reach their goal.

Another thing I've noticed is that when a person comes in with a lot of doubts about whether or not hypnosis will work and keeps coming back to that, I often find that there is another issue they don't want to deal with that is associated with the presenting problem or that they just aren't ready.

That doesn't mean that people can't ask those questions. Those questions are reasonable. But, as the attention goes, so goes the energy. If they're already focused on it not working, there's a good possibility that they don't want it to work. People who are ready seem more able to accept what you say and then give it a good try.

I agree that they are often cynical before the fact and challenging in their attitude.

Anyhow, that has been my experience.

Good, good points and question, Grumpy. Thanks.

Susan