the Free Hypnosis Social Network
firing your clients - when why and how?
Hello Hypno-People of Earth,
We find your planet to be of interest. Just like the title says, we are specifically interested in finding out what you all think about the topic of firing your clients, and the when, why and how of it.
By firing your clients, we are referring to the times when you decide to prematurely end a hypnotist-client relationship for whatever reason, any time after starting the work. We are interested in this subject because for us there is a very blurry line between "blaming the client", "giving in" to hypnotist frustration and throwing in the towel, and actually firing the client because it is objectively in the best interest of the client... or some combination of these.
(Of course, ideally, unsuitable client types would be filtered out before ever starting the work, but realistically a few will get through any screening process. So hopefully this topic will be about those few who sneak thru, and not about how to optimize a screening process.)
To start off: we find it rare to have to take this step, but when we do, there seems to be a common theme involved. We do not know if it is just us, or if other practitioners experience this same scenario: it usually is in the circumstance of a client who for some reason is unable to allow themselves to even consider or express that they have self-worth. For some reason, we find this to be most common with weight-loss clients who, despite pre-screening, seem to believe that hypnosis will magically cause them to make healthy choices for themselves, despite very poor self-image ("I am a fat worthless ugly child") and self-esteem. In other words, they want to be thinner or get different results from life, but without having to change anything about how they think or feel, especially about themselves. In these cases, attempts to increase a person's sense of self-worth are sometimes greeted with virulent sarcasm and open derision.
For these types of clients, we find it easy to just fire them. Our thinking is that we cannot convince anyone to have a sense of self-worth if they are determined to hold onto feelings of self-pity and loathing (plus convincing people about things like that is not our role, anyway). But we wonder if we are just taking the easy way out --- partly because we cannot help finding this type of mentality to be repellent? We know that with persistence almost all puzzles can be solved, but at what cost?
The strange thing is, we find that while these types of clients can be very dismissive and cynical about the process during the work, once they realize that we are ending the relationship, they can get very upset about that. In these cases, we also sometimes suspect that they were just looking for another "thing that they tried which didn't work either", and we do not want to play along with that game.
So we are looking for input regarding warning signs that you all look out for, and how do you distinguish between "justifiable firings", so to speak, and not.
Zontar ends transmission now.
We find your planet to be of interest. Just like the title says, we are specifically interested in finding out what you all think about the topic of firing your clients, and the when, why and how of it.
By firing your clients, we are referring to the times when you decide to prematurely end a hypnotist-client relationship for whatever reason, any time after starting the work. We are interested in this subject because for us there is a very blurry line between "blaming the client", "giving in" to hypnotist frustration and throwing in the towel, and actually firing the client because it is objectively in the best interest of the client... or some combination of these.
(Of course, ideally, unsuitable client types would be filtered out before ever starting the work, but realistically a few will get through any screening process. So hopefully this topic will be about those few who sneak thru, and not about how to optimize a screening process.)
To start off: we find it rare to have to take this step, but when we do, there seems to be a common theme involved. We do not know if it is just us, or if other practitioners experience this same scenario: it usually is in the circumstance of a client who for some reason is unable to allow themselves to even consider or express that they have self-worth. For some reason, we find this to be most common with weight-loss clients who, despite pre-screening, seem to believe that hypnosis will magically cause them to make healthy choices for themselves, despite very poor self-image ("I am a fat worthless ugly child") and self-esteem. In other words, they want to be thinner or get different results from life, but without having to change anything about how they think or feel, especially about themselves. In these cases, attempts to increase a person's sense of self-worth are sometimes greeted with virulent sarcasm and open derision.
For these types of clients, we find it easy to just fire them. Our thinking is that we cannot convince anyone to have a sense of self-worth if they are determined to hold onto feelings of self-pity and loathing (plus convincing people about things like that is not our role, anyway). But we wonder if we are just taking the easy way out --- partly because we cannot help finding this type of mentality to be repellent? We know that with persistence almost all puzzles can be solved, but at what cost?
The strange thing is, we find that while these types of clients can be very dismissive and cynical about the process during the work, once they realize that we are ending the relationship, they can get very upset about that. In these cases, we also sometimes suspect that they were just looking for another "thing that they tried which didn't work either", and we do not want to play along with that game.
So we are looking for input regarding warning signs that you all look out for, and how do you distinguish between "justifiable firings", so to speak, and not.
Zontar ends transmission now.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on -
@JoeK: Yet there is the issue that the perception we want to change is a meta perception as it pertains to the process that we use...
YES! You have identified exactly the conundrum that we think is at the cause of many of these no-win scenarios. Zontar thanks you for that clarity!
@John: That reply you give to those silly requests is similar to our response to people who ask for guaranteed results:
"OK, but we will only guarantee results as long as you are willing to sign a document where you agree to give up your freedom of choice, and hand over to us control over your daily life."
non-client: "What? Why would I do that?"
"Oh, so you want us to guarantee and be responsible for your behavior... but you don't want us to have control over it?"
non-client: "..."
(Zontar tends to think that any prospect who wants guaranteed results is lacking a necessary level of personal responsibility... so Zontar is willing to shoo those prospects away)
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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"They had their own agenda as to what they thought they should do and continually disregarded what I asked them to do." Yes, we have had similar experience. For instance the hidden agenda became clear as ex-client was leaving and said to her friend: "See, I told you I can't be hypnotized! I'm too strong-willed." Strangely enough, we later received a good referral from this ex-client.
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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"A pot smoker from Potts Point" Ha, that is great!
The scenario you describe sounds like a clear-cut case of justifiable firing, at least to us. Zontar thanks you for your input.
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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"For me, it is the awareness that I am working far harder for their goal then they are."
That is an excellent way of thinking about it! It reminds us of our policy: in terms of desire for change and willingness to do whatever it takes, we never want to have more invested in the work than the other party. Zontar thanks you for your input.
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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I rely on my sense of the client's "willingness" to achieve goals or wellness. I think the big key is "willingness".
...Another thing I've noticed is that when a person comes in with a lot of doubts about whether or not hypnosis will work and keeps coming back to that, I often find that there is another issue or that they just aren't ready.... If they're already focused on it not working, there's a good possibility that they don't want it to work.
Zontar sees from this and other responses that this is just something that a hypnotist may need to develop a "sense" and awareness of over time. We especially agree with the points that you raise regarding cases where a client seems to be unduly focused on their doubts about whether it will work, and thank you for reminding us to be on the lookout for that early warning sign, so that it perhaps can be dealt with earlier in the process.
Zontar now ceases to automatically respond to each individual response in this thread, but thanks in advance any future contributors to this discussion for their input. Zontar now hands control back to the one known as Grumpy.
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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on -
@John: That reply you give to those silly requests is similar to our response to people who ask for guaranteed results:
Actually, I used to provide a 1 year guarantee for my stop smoking work. But it was not a money's back guarantee, it was a money's worth guarantee. If for any reason, they fell off the wagon within the next year after our session, they could come back and I would do them again for free.
And I would tell them "Such is the level of *MY* commitment to what we are doing today, I only ask that you be committed as much as I am to this change.
Of all the people I helped, only two ever came back. For each it had been between 4 and 6 months. One had gone through a simultaneous job loss and divorce, the other had a close family member die.
Both had picked them up again looking for comfort... and didn't find it.
Each told me that they had had no cravings or withdrawal symptoms before they started smoking again.
I got several referrals off of each of them.
John
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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Yes, I offer the same type of thing to my smoking clients... however, it's not presented as a guarantee, just as a "free followup session" if needed. Almost no one ever takes me up on that offer (which is not necessarily an indication of success, of course).
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Permalink Reply by Susan French on -
Maybe its my weird sense of humor but your question really made me laugh, John.
Keep it up. Appreciated by me
Susan
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Permalink Reply by Donna Carter on -
I have yet to fire anyone...
But, now listening to the discussion - I can understand how it may be necessary on occasion.
Interesting stuff....
~D.
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Permalink Reply by the grumpy hypnotist on
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Hello Cynthia,
I agree with you and also pre-frame the entire process as an exercise in teamwork, but I'm guessing you may have meant "DUAL effort", not "duel"? ^_^
Interesting slip of words, and somehow fitting. Sometimes it does start to feel like a duel (without the possibility of honor) or a wrestling match... and those are the times when I think it's good to re-examine approach or even question the wisdom of continuing with an individual, since it probably shouldn't feel that way?
On behalf of Zontar, I thank you for your input.
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