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Forgetting About a Recent Girlfriend
My friend, who is a GREAT hypnotic subject, is going through some troubles in life so it seems. In the last week, he broke up with his girlfriend of four years. I could sympathize, the exact same thing happened to me but in July. The thing is, he asked me to make him forget about his ex. I don't know exactly what will happen if it worked, plus it doesn't sound very healthy, to just forget about someone who was important in your life for the past four years. I just tell him that it's very unhealthy and there are a lot of drawbacks and barely any benefits. He still insists. Can anyone give me a good reason, or better, good reasons why it is a bad idea for one to hypnotize someone else into forgetting about an ex girlfriend. Thanks!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on -
Hi Christopher,
I’m not trained in relationship matters, therefore I can not give you professional advice for relationships, and hopefully someone will. Until then, some of the things that I can shed some light on are paying attention to what the real message is.
He says he wants to forget about his ex.
I agree with you, I think removing memory of someone is not the best choice.
If it were a horrible 4 years and that’s not what came up in what he is saying, then I would go in a different direction, but I’m going to assume that it was a relatively good four years considering.
So the message I hear is: I don’t like what I am feeling and it seems to be something that I don’t think I have control over.
Now, if you take that message: I don’t like what I am feeling…….(that is a perception based on a pattern of beliefs).
I don’t think I have any control over…….(again something based on a pattern of beliefs).
There can be many ways to deal with this.
I recall some NLP type of questioning that can be relative here. I don’t recall exactly what the symptoms were but let’s just call it X. And the issue was I can’t stop experiencing X, and I feel it all the time.
The questioning started like this.
Are you sure you feel it all the time? The answer came back yes.
Even when you’re asleep?
Well no, I don’t think so.
Ok, so you sleep 5 to 8 hours a day, so in a week you can say that a third of that week, (approx. 2 and a half days),you don’t actually feel X.
Now you have a bargaining direction.
What I find in real life is that people want to feel the pain, I know it may sound crazy, but for some reason and maybe it’s the comforting of the sympathy self given or by others, or there’s a long list of things, and if you happen to find out without asking a why question, that would be good and maybe something you could use to help, but the direction I would go, and you would have to tailor your direction based on your relationship with your friend and what will work.
Anyway, the direction I would go would be to get a commitment for wanting to change how he is feeling and willing to do what ever it takes, and then give him the choice between two different things that will similarly change how he is feeling for the better.
For example: A choice of feeling a third or at least half of the uncomfortable ness he is feeling now…..and in a reasonable amount of time, and make him tell you what that time would be, then increase the good feeling to 75%,…………..or, (the other choice), to see what has just happened as a way of getting started, a fresh start with endless opportunity to get his future started. (or a choice you come up with). There is a grieving period that is healthy to go through and if someone can get through it with as little discomfort as possible, the better it will be.
Which ever choice he takes and if he really wants to change, he will choose one, or even create another option……any positive choice he makes is the right one.
Then ask him to describe to you how it will feel, how will he know he feels a third or half better and why not just make it half better just to make it easier……or what will it feel like to have a fresh start, how will he know when he has actually begun to start that new life………
And you could use what he describes as suggestions in trance.
These are just my suggestions for a direction.
And these would only be dependent on his permission and desire for real change…...you can’t just tell somebody to just let go or get over it, but you can negotiate a new behavior if that’s what they want.
And if you feel that he is not ready, you can give him a big imaginary dial to turn down the emotional pain just enough to be as relaxed as he is now and also to give himself permission to turn that same dial away from the direction of focus of what ever is keeping him from getting a good night’s sleep, have him do it in trance and have him feel it relax his whole body, you can even anchor it to placing his head on the pillow when he is ready to sleep. And if he needs to, he can turn the emotional pain back on in the morning, the choice is all his.
Again, if you are comfortable with this, good luck, if not, still good luck finding something that you think will work.
This is the direction I would take, it’s all dependent on the flow of the therapy.
If you are uncomfortable with this, wait for a better suggestion or have him see a professional with experience in these matters.
Steve
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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on -
Hello Christopher,
Steve have a great point, but before I offer my help, I will need to know much more about the relationship, why did it end, how was the four years being in the relationship, was it good, bad, why was he in this relationship, how does he feel, is it sadness, anger, pain?
If it is too personal, feel free to email me privately, I will do my best to help.
As to deleting, well you can change the script, but you cannot delete... my personal opinion and also from my experience helping stations like yours or your friend.
Respectfully, Doreen
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Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on -
hey Chris,
You are spot on, it is not healthy to block out the memories it is only storing up problems for the future.
Your friend would benefit more from working through the grief of that relationship, with support from friends.
learning the lessons that grief teaches, and letting go, and moviing on.
General work on letting go of the hurt fellings, tension, negative thoughts, anger, frustration, resentment etc, will clear he way for the grieving proces to be accelerated.
Hope this is helpful,
LOve and hugs,
Fable
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Permalink Reply by Jill Semonin PhD- CHt on -
I get these requests all the time. While I won't erase the memory, due to much of what everyone else is explaining. However; I will snip a mental cord that is keeping the attachment. It's a metaphor that helps clients, usually when they are involuntary broken up with (or do not want to feel obligated anymore).
Can I ask why he would break up with someone, if he has to go to extremes to get rid of her memory? There has got to be a whole lot more to this picture. -Just use those reasons and give him validation if that is what he is needing.
Hope this helps~
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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig - HypnosisAustin on -
This is a common request. The comments so far have all focussed on getting rid of the feelings provoked by the memory, not the memory itself, and that is the best way to go about it.
Cutting the cord as Jill suggested is really useful. You can also use the Double Dissociation Movie Theater Technique--look it up. Another method that's good for this is called "Fanning." If you can't find info on these, let me know and I'll write something up. You can also have him visualize going to the "house of his mind," gathering everything she left there, and throwing it out or burning it--literally getting rid of any left over emotional baggage. :-) If in the process, he can find a mental picture of them when they first met, he might frame it and put it on the wall of his imaginary house as a way of honoring the good things from the relationship while he throws out the bad.
In truth, it's easy stuff to do, and I really wish that more people went to hypnotists after break-ups. The world would be a happier place.
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Permalink Reply by Christopher Bolger on -
Well he didn't do the breaking up, his girlfriend did. It was out of nowhere and her reasons were very vague and could be used in any similar situation.
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Permalink Reply by John Cerbone - The Trance-Master on
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I have written and published in my book, 7 sessions on this. My focus has always been not getting the client to forget the person, but to dilate time and generate 7 to 15 to 21 years worth of healing, as the ex, less and less important over time.
The sessions work and work very well, as the client most likely will not permanently forget anyone, as just one picture turning up in a frame someplace, would be enough to restore memory, most especially while they are no longer in trance, but creating and generating a sense of time healing the wound, very effective.
It is also a great idea to ask the subconscious mind to find ways, both known and unknown to them, to work on this, smoothly and effectively, while awake and while asleeep and even while happpily dreaming, to resolve the issues, where ever they are coming from. Putting the subconscious on auto-pilot, a powerful idea. Forgiveness, of not only the other person, but also themselves, releasing the discomfort (don't use the word pain, can trigger more pain as an unwanted suggestion) in favor of release and happier memories form now as well as that time), as a more polished them arises unstoppably. . . run with it from there.
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Permalink Reply by Synapse on -
Time Line Therapy (or a similar technique) is great for this type of thing. Basically any technique that will allow your friend to keep the memories but disassociate from any negative emotion, if it does not serve any purpose on a conscious/unconscious level. Cell Command works the same way. I've been trained in both, but prefer TLT. I'm not saying either of them are the only way, but they are a couple of options you might want to explore.
I'm sure people can offer you other options.
:o)
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Permalink Reply by Christopher Bolger on
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Thanks John, I'm definitely getting your book for xmas.
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Permalink Reply by Richard Nongard - NLPBoard.com on -
Happy Hypno Santa Christopher... Send me your snail mail and I will put a copy of my "Lost Love" CD in the mail to you....
http://www.amazon.com/Overcome-Lost-Heartbreak-using-Hypnosis/dp/B0...
It may give you some ideas to help.... I am with the rest though, amnesia is NOT the way to go.
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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Jeffers M.Ed., LPC, CCH on -
'I really wish that more people went to hypnotists after break-ups. The world would be a happier place.
Love this line! and it is sooooo true. I've had a recent prolonged break-up and I can definitely relate to wanting to forget the sucker! ....chuckle, chuckle...... However, I think most of us, if we admit it, in hindsight can usually see the gifts and the wisdom that was gained from the relationship, regardless of the outcome.
I really like all of your ideas.....think I'll go "burn something".
Rebecca
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Permalink Reply by John Sannicandro on -
John:
what is the title of your book and where can I purchase a copy? Is this your book of scripts?
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