Grief Therapy-How do I ?

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on November 20, 2009 at 4:53pm

When I was in training, a grief case fell in my lap. After guiding a client through a totally unrelated session that was set in a restaurant, my client said, "Someone kept trying to sit down with me, but I told him to go away because I was busy."

When I asked who it was, she said, "My best friend who died last year."

I asked if she'd like to have a conversation with her friend, and she said yes, so I guided her back to the restaurant.

Basically, I said, "If there is anything you didn't get to say to your friend, say it now. Nod your head when you're done."

After she nodded, I said, "If there's anything your friend needs to say to you, now is the time. Nod your head when he is done."

I then suggested that if they had any unfinished business, they could take care of it now. Once that was done, I suggested that she say good-bye to her friend and release him to go on to whatever kind of afterlife she thought he'd want. She said later that she saw him go away with a group of angels.

It was pretty simple, really. My client did all the work. The important thing is to just take your time and let the client take all the time needed.

If there was a traumatic event associated with the wife's death, consider using the double-dissociation movie theater technique to deal with it. (Do a search for it and you'll find info.)

Best of luck,

James

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on November 20, 2009 at 5:08pm

Hello Carol, First start helping your client with understanding, give him the chance to feel sad over the lost of his wife.
You can start by giving him more support, such as an ear to hear, and allowing him to use his way to express his feelings to release on his own term and time.. Plus time will heal...

Again allow him to grief, and let him know that it is natural, and even when we lose a love one, It can happen to anyone, and no one have control over it, When it happens it happens and we can't stop it or change it, losing someone it just lands like a BOMB.

Grief is a state of mind one goes into it from bad news such as losing a love one for example, and as a result, people have an emotional response to their loss, feeling lonely, sad, empty.

In My Emotional Support Group, when we dealing with Grief ... I use Six Steps - to help clients to Move On..

"The Moving Beyond Loss" is a common idea that we all need to find a way to relate, so we can heal.

Ask yourself or ask your client to go back in time, and see, or think of how many people and or love ones do you personally know who have waited hours, days, weeks, months, years and years to heal, or waited for a sign or a miracle, and perhaps they are still waiting until this day and in other hand there are people who waited and the pain just faded a way, as started to feel stronger, capable to move on... we all carry more problems and eventually we or our clients will achieve their final solution.

What is the Solution?
It is the recovery process from loss and the accomplishment as each individual that discovers and can rap up all the undelivered communication they were not given a chance to do... since the love one simply surprised us without saying good bye.

Aren’t we all advised by our friends, family, therapist, co-workers, to just Let Go? Or Move On, dosen't’t that alone create a trigger to what are you talking about? how dare you? What?, You don’t understand, You are cold and insensitive? Sounds familiar to you... Annoying isn’t it?

Isn’t it true, that if we truly knew how to move on, we would just do that?
The act of completing our grief of emotional pain by loss is all what truly allow us to “ ”Let Go” or to "Move On”.

In reality it is almost unachievable to “Let Go” or to "Move On” without taking a serialized set of programs and event of action that in the end will lead to accomplishment.

It can help clients with tools to heal, such as having a companion, feeling I am not alone in this situation, an ear to hear and a voice to express their feeling... It is what it is that we need to heal, It is The center of our heart...

Respectfully, Doreen Cohanim C.Ht

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on November 20, 2009 at 8:02pm

I highly recommend How to Survive the Loss of A Love-- a free version is available here:

www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/index11.htm" target="_blank">http://www.petermcwilliams.org/mirrors/www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/index11.htm

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on November 20, 2009 at 9:18pm

Thanks Michael and James,
James It sounds like the empty chair therapy, and I love doing it, It's a great way to handle grief, and It is fine for people who are open minded.

Doreen Cohanim C.Ht
www.EnterYourMind.com

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on November 21, 2009 at 6:56am

Cynthia, thank you for the article link! I love the Andreas' books; they really do go to the "heart of the mind"!

A crazy idea, Carol: I worked with a young woman who lost a child in vitro. She has a personal style that includes piercings and tattoos. One of her problems was letting go, particularly, letting go of the ashes of her baby. She slept with the urn and carried it around with her, but worried constantly about misplacing it.

I had watched a reality show which featured tattoo artists and a customer came in with his wife's ashes, wanting them mixed with the ink for a tattoo memorializing her. Since ashes are organic material, it was no problem to blend some in with the ink.

I told this story to my client and she lit up! The next time I saw her, she had a beautiful little teddy bear tattoo and was so happy and relieved that she could always carry a bit of her child around with her. The grief had changed to acceptance with this simple act.

Best wishes,

Kelley


Cynthia Cameron said:

Carol,

You may find this article titled Resolving Grief by Steve and Connirae Andreas helpful. It goes into a lot of detail.

http://www.achievingexcellence.com/p-a_resolving_grief.html

Hope this helps, good luck.

Cynthia Cameron, CHt
www.channelled.com.au

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on November 21, 2009 at 8:15am

Good morning Cynthia, thank you for sharing the link to this article, I agree with Kelley, they really do go to the "heart of the mind"!

Kelly I have a similar story like yours with a client who lost her IFV baby, only her style was that she would draw the unborn portrait as she was progressing in her belly, other client was changing her hair color and style, other an IFV client who lost her daughter, was writing a very sad heart tearing poems to share her sorrow and frustration only as her Unborn was alive, not excepting the fact that their unborn baby and or child were no longer with them in the physical form, others I worked with kept shopping and buying stuff as the child was still a live and talk about the child as it was with them, other client I had, once she was able to let go, she would do a tattoo only at times of her daughters birthday, she would go and do an angel tattoo as a reminder of her birthday and then she would have her child revisit her in her dreams right after she had the tattoo.

sorrow, and they all shared the same problem of letting go, they always were worried, the one with the IFV was worried that if she sleeps in certain way they baby will die, so she would wake up and walk and talk to her unborn until she felt a movement in her stomach,( It was an acid reflex) but she's believe it was a sign of the unborn being around, today she is OK, and expecting, I started seeing her last week to make sure she is calm, since she is now worried she will lose this one, hopefully we will take care of this issue the same way she stopped pretending she was still caring her unborn.

This is how they carried the memory of their child or unborn with them, now their grief is dealt with acceptance and love, they talk about their memory with out the pain and the sorrow, even the one with the poem now shares beautiful poems with love inspiration and acceptance.

It's never easy to lose a loved one, even if it is your pet, and time heals with good friends, family and therapist.
PS: Moshé Pinchas Feldenkrais was my Inspirational mentor educator with grief education.

Have a bright beautiful day every one.
Doreen Cohanim C,Ht
www.HypnoCruise.com

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