How to Hypno-Help One's Own Family Member (Son-to-Father Hypnosis)

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on September 6, 2010 at 3:40am

Hello Carlos-

Being stressed out is not a mental disorder and doesn't require "therapy" I recommend deciding to help or not to help - period. If you decide not to help give him a referral and end it -- if you decide to continue helping him put the fun back into it for both of you.

I recommend appraoching this as if your dad is best served by learning how to de-stress and creative ways to manage stress. Help him connect to what gives him pleasure and satisfaction and use that as a resource state for taking mini-mental vacations several times a day for starters --

Michael E,

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on September 6, 2010 at 5:45am

I agree with Michael here...determine exactly what it is that your father wants and then provide it. You might give him "homework" assignments to practice changing his state at different times during his day; he has to log it in a journal and note how he felt at the time. Or, how about teaching him to use a pendulum so that he could, privately learn to respond more easily?

Best wishes,

Kelley

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Permalink Reply by Bill Kennedy on September 6, 2010 at 6:10am

Hey Carlos,

First of all, congratulations for having such a good relationship with your dad, that he's asked you for help! So many fathers would rather cut off their right arms than admit such "weakness" to their son.

My advice would be to enter into his understanding of the problem. Don't worry about being efficient. Don't worry if his view is not your view. You have the advantage of knowing him well, so you can see things from his point of view. You also have the disadvantage of knowing him well, so you have areas where you see things differently and may actually disagree with him. Take some time to see how to use your advantage and minimize your disadvantage.

If he is a cut and dried, just-give-me-the-facts kind of guy, then lay out his options and let him pick one (or more). Be careful to help him set realistic expectations (e.g. "You have built up your work patterns over several decades. Give yourself at least a couple of months to see results.") You want to give him every opportunity to feel in control of this process, just as you would any client. The danger is tending to ignore your training and jumping right into solving his problem (after all, you're his son and you want to help). Remember that you can't fix him. Only he can. He has to do the work here and it will take as long as it takes. Be supportive and helpful, but this is his responsibility, not yours.

And, like Kelley says, find a way to make this fun. Blend a little bit of therapy into other things together. Are there any activities the two of you can get away and do together?

Bill

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Permalink Reply by Michael Haifleigh on September 6, 2010 at 7:22am

Carlos,

Following is a very short answer to your query:
1) Tell your father you love him and you are concerned for his health.
2) Let him know that you refer people out when you are not able to assist them with an issue.
3) Apologize to him for not being able to assist him at this time (don't ask him to forgive you).
4) Refer him out.
5) If you have any lingering "bad feelings", "guilt", or "shame", find someone to work with (put yourself in the "client" chair).

If you take the input I've offered let me know the result (in this discussion or privately).

Namaste,
(with reverence to you)
(love, integrity, wisdom, and peace)

Michael

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Permalink Reply by Bruce Taylor C.Ht on September 6, 2010 at 7:49am

I have practiced on my wife when learning hypnosis. Proved to be very tough. When I stated doing therapy my wife wanted me to start working on some things with her. I found that for some reason she would sometimes get worse or tend to go in the other direction. I think it is because my wife is very strong willed and she just naturally has to be in control. I can get her in hypnosis quite nicely and have the problems when we get into more serious issues.
So I have a hypnotist friend that she has went to for smoking and has done outstanding. I would suggest that you have someone else work with him. The reason is because if it is something that is emotional it may be he will not share during the session. If he holds back and does not share because your his son, he may not get any benefit or can have a poor opinion of hypnosis because he does not understand that it was his mind that was holding back.

Just my opinion.
Bruce Taylor
www.hypnotistbrucetaylor.com

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Permalink Reply by Carlos Agente on September 8, 2010 at 6:10pm

Thank you to all of you. This was really bothering me and I was feeling really Power-less in this situation. Every answer here helped me in some key way.

As Michael E and Kelley said, mini-mental vacations' the way . Still I won’t do anything else for him to respond better to me, as I realized he doesn’t want to be hypnotized, especially by me, even though he says he wants. Bruce nailed this one down, he naturally has to be in control.
It’s not a mental disorder, still he “blows ‘things’ out of proportion” and “feels small in comparison to things” that are “all around him”. With a programming like that no wonder he felt stressed. I’ve done some conversational hypnosis that worked wonders, at least for the time being.

Michael H, I took your advice as well in my own way, and I left the doors opened for him to search for that other hypnotherapist.

And thank you Bill for your reply, especially the “Remember that you can't fix him. Only he can” bit! That took a ton out of my shoulders as I was almost trying to force him to change.

Again thanks to all of you,

Have a great day.

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Permalink Reply by Joe Homs on September 8, 2010 at 8:55pm

It is also important to remember that you want something FOR your father, not FROM your father. As a hypnotist, you are above the problems of your client. It can be hard to separate from the feelings you have for someone you care deeply about, so that's why most people tell you to stay away from doing therapy with your own family.

It sounds like you are on the right track on taking advice from the other commenters. Good luck to you and let us know how things work out.

Carlos Agente said:

And thank you Bill for your reply, especially the “Remember that you can't fix him. Only he can” bit! That took a ton out of my shoulders as I was almost trying to force him to change.

Again thanks to all of you,

Have a great day.

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Permalink Reply by Carol Sanders on September 9, 2010 at 12:51am

When the Student is ready, the Teacher arrives... dont hold guilt over this, (his ,"be more persistant' comment) the change is all up to him and has little to do with you. You know what youre doing and how to do it....outside referel is great.....check out the 12 steps of Alanon.....they are great when it comes to detaching from outcomes of things, espeically when those "things" are family.
goodluck and Godspeed.!

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Permalink Reply by Carol Sanders on September 9, 2010 at 12:53am

P.S. If he is open to therapy as it seems you might do some EFT iwth him prior to the hypnosis, or use it while in trance....
I have a vidoe on my site showing how to do EFT... I will email you,.

Carol Sanders said:

When the Student is ready, the Teacher arrives... dont hold guilt over this, (his ,"be more persistant' comment) the change is all up to him and has little to do with you. You know what youre doing and how to do it....outside referel is great.....check out the 12 steps of Alanon.....they are great when it comes to detaching from outcomes of things, espeically when those "things" are family.
goodluck and Godspeed.!

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Permalink Reply by Bill Kennedy on September 9, 2010 at 1:59am

Cool, Carlos!

Thanks for reporting back. Good news is always welcome!

Bill

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Permalink Reply by Michael White on September 10, 2010 at 9:02am

These have all been useful suggestions, I have more.

He's been successful if he's been a "workaholic". I haven't met one yet who hasn't had some success in the context of "working". And a lot of them.

Have him tell you stories (about 5 or 6 of them) about his great successes at work and completely agree with each of them. Mention to him that hypnotists work in the realm of the unconscious, that "deeper place" from where success springs and then say something like, "I'm going to ask that deeper part of you if it is true that you were successful at these times to let me know by giving you a big breath outward...and allow the eyes to close so you can have even deeper appreciation of those successes...really allowing those successes to come to the forefront of the mind."

Workaholics like all other "aholics" are already entranced...trust me. They are your puddy. Handle them with your highest wisdom.

Remember, work had more value to him than even you! He probably has even had to be RIGHT at the expense of everyone else's good feelings too am I right? Utilize his ability to be a stubborn bastard to get the changes he wants. What, he didn't stay later and work harder than those other schmoes? Link his pride of success to other important areas like, slowing down, peaceful and relaxing feelings, having fun, learning more, developing curiosity, listening to and considering the opinions of others and so on...

I resented my workaholic dad for decades until I had the flash realization that he is just a person who has very limited neurological flexibility:

"My son has a baseball game. I know! I'll work more and harder!"
"My wife wants me to be home to give her love. I know! I'll work more and harder!"
"They are all coming to get me! I know! I'll work more and harder!"

It's pretty funny (and sad) when I think of it THIS way. And I also realized it had nothing to do with me and never will. Ever. Do you get my point?

I'm sure I don't have to convince you that your dad has a one track mind. Utilize this. And at the same time, use this as a way to deepen and strengthen your committment to discovering YOUR way through your life. No more waiting. One track mind.

If it helps, understand also that in the context of you as hypnotist and your dad, you are the one with the wisdom and the know how. You are living a great life! Appreciate that he knows this and allow it to deepen your feelings of compassion for him, you and anyone else who might be suffering.

You can't fuck it up. That's been his "racket" up to this point. Come at it with a new and fresher perspective!

Let us know!

Michael

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Permalink Reply by Carlos Agente on September 10, 2010 at 4:26pm

I don’t resent him (anymore) at all. We’ve come to terms about a month ago.
I feel ok about everything in this, guilt-free, except that I can’t just poke him on the forehead and yell “heal!” and have it work out fine.

Hey Carol, are those the 12 steps of Alanon? http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/steps.html I can see how this can help.

Michael White: “Link his pride of success to other important areas”
You indeed have some more useful suggestions. Nice utilization. He certainly enjoyed some professional success but he really doesn’t like to blow his own horn for whatever reason. It seems to get him guilty.

He’s in a trance already, but we can’t seem to get into any workable rapport. It’s the strangest thing. Just can’t with him, and it’s driving me nuts. He just goes to sleep instead of trancing out. His body twitches like crazy, so I know his unconscious “is there”, still is not responding to my suggestions at all. That’d be funny if it wouldn’t be driving me mad. Can’t get arm levitation or any other test or suggestion to work, he just won’t move an INCH or respond anyhow (edit: except if it is with more stress - that he's responding overwhelmingly well).

How would Milton do this, I asked myself? He’d probably get inside the other person’s reality and utilize, utilize, utilize, but I’m running like hell from my father’s reality. That means that probably he’s not the problem, but I am. Refering him out still seems to be the best road to take, even though he's still adamant against that for no reasonable reason.

If Carol said is true I must be ready coz there's a lot of good teaching popping up in here.

Thank you all and have a great day.

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