Hypnotherapist admits sexual assault on client

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jane Barter on November 24, 2009 at 11:23am

I agree this is totally unacceptable and repugnant behavior in any case! but even more so from a Hypnotherapist who is using his/her power to exploit his clients vulnerability in the hypnotic state.

What we also have to understand is that in a lot of cases sexual abuse is carried out by someone who almost always has been severally abused themselves in one way or another. They are deeply hurt and very damaged as a result....they need intense therapy and some compassion! further abuse only perpetuates their deep neurosis, self loathing and adds to the universal pool of the unconscious dark Shadow ! we all have to look at our shadow side and our judgments...if we have never suffered severe abuse or intense darkness then we may not know what we are capable of also.

Hopefully, these perpetrators can find the deep healing and therapy that may not just stop this behavior, but allow for full conscious awareness and acceptance of the consequences of their behavior. Resulting in a transformation their deep unconscious darkness.

And that the victims of this abuse can not only heal from this but be empowered to speak out, protect themselves and find forgiveness.

Blessings

Jane

Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on November 24, 2009 at 11:53am

Well said Jane.

LOve and hugs,

Fable

Permalink Reply by Susan French on November 24, 2009 at 1:34pm

Thank you so very much Michael for hearing me, for validating my humanness and understanding that having a feeling is not the same basing your general life's responses on that feeling, nor is it the same as "acting out."

Thank you so much.

This is an old, worn-out bone of contention between Conrad and me. Conrad seems to think that when I make a comment about anything male that it comes from a generalized, angry, bitterness towards all men and it just isn't the case. Good catch. Conrad seems to think I'm a man-hater and it's just not the case either. It makes me sad after I'm over being mad.

But a thought DID occur to me after these postings and that is that many people are very uncomfortable with expressions of anger from anyone. These are the people who are usually of the "conspiracy of silence" or "don't rock the boat" school of thinking. I'm more of the let people see who I am, warts and all, school of living. It feels to me that the more open I am, the more comfortable I can be with myself. As in the expression "we are only as sick as our secrets."

Risking showing who I am makes me braver. My feelings might get hurt when someone says something mean or angry to me or just totally misses my point but, in the end, it seems to the best path to self-acceptance and self-respect. I also believe that my openness and self-disclosure helps to create a more open space for all of us to be honest.

My experience in groups is that openness and self-disclosure tends to 1) promote general human understanding of human frailties and foibles and 2) that it (hopefully) encourages other people to be braver and speak out as well.

Yes, like the rest of the human species, I feel better after a good vent or rant. It's helpful to have it received in reasonable and understanding context. I'm comfortable not being Mr. Spock...lol.

Susan


Michael Ellner said:

Hi Kathleen,
It seems to me that both you and Conrad have over-reacted to Susan's post.
Susan didn't drink her toxic feelings -- She used her post as a venting mechanism and got the toxic feelings that arose from reading about the "dirtbag" out of her system -- In my opinion that was healthy in this context. I believe that most readers and potential clients would recognize that Susan was being human and not view her as some one condoning rape.

Michael E.

Kathleen Hanover said:

Hi Susan,
You may not realize how your comments came off. But I have to agree with Conrad...I was pretty surprised at the vengeance with which you suggested that it would ever be a good idea for someone to be raped in prison. I honestly don't think there's ever a circumstance in which anyone "deserves" to be raped, anywhere, and I personally would never go to a therapist who would say such a thing. There's an NLP presupposition that says any behavior can be understood in the context of that person's worldview/experience/etc. Not condoned, but understood. I'm certainly not condoning it. It's wrong on every level to violate someone's trust and body.
If that guy had the resources to "get it," as you say, then he would "get it." Clearly, he doesn't, for whatever reason.

But with so much of sexual assault perpetrated by people who grew up being assaulted themselves, isn't it time to break the cycle instead of perpetuate it?

It's horrible that the woman was violated. It's horrible that the man somehow formulated a worldview in which that was acceptable behavior. There's plenty of horror to go around in that situation. Why add to it?

I imagine it's not very healthy for you to become so violently upset about something that happened halfway around the world between people you don't even know. There's plenty of horror, war, violence, rage, rape, everywhere. You, as an individual, can do nothing whatsoever about most of it. So why allow it to upset you so greatly?

I have very strong opinions about many, many things, but I realized a long time ago that rage and anger are like a poison. But they're a poison that you drink....hoping someone else will suffer and die.

Does that make sense?

Kathleen
"The Pretty Goodest Public Relations, Copywriting & Marketing Lady on the Planet"
Click @KathleenHanover to follow me on Twitter


Susan French said:

Alan, I wasn't saying anything about gayness at all. You missed my point, a point I made before on this subject. I had a similar discussion with someone else about a similar attempt and I was trying to make a point.

The point was about having a person experience being touched sexually in a situation that would not be preferred by them. If you're straight, which these guys obviously were, it might be a bit offensive to be grabbed by another guy because they obviously wouldn't "get it" if the point was made by saying "what if a woman touched you in that way?" The people (usually guys) who don't seem to understand that sexual invasion has more emotional ramifications than say, other kinds of personal assault. If someone, for instance, didn't "get" how disgusting it would be, perhaps, to be touched at all by someone who obviously didn't bathe often and who's hands were really gross. If they don't "get" it, perhaps they need to experience something that would create a similar effect in that person. What I find, often, though, is that some people have a harder time than others empathizing with what others might feel. Perhaps that's all that this is about. When someone doesn't "get" that sexual assault or invasion has a very traumatic effect, perhaps they need to experience it in order to "get it." Why not?

Perhaps people can't comment until they've experienced it first hand???

Interestingly enough, there are also folks who don't understand why bullying is traumatic and harmful either.

And BTW: are you defending this guy? Are you saying that what he did wasn't so bad? Are you saying that perhaps the woman brought it on herself? Is that what the discussion is about?

Truthfully, my reaction is more about people that don't "get it" than it it is about retribution or revenge. I just really have a hard time with people who don't "get it."

Respectfully however,

Susan

Permalink Reply by Susan French on November 24, 2009 at 1:46pm

Yes, Conrad, I believe you become what you hate as well as what you love. But it sounds like you're clinging to the idea that I spew hatred when I fact I simply spit and froth sometimes...and as Michael suggested, allowing myself to come back to neutral, which is healthy, human and (I think, if I dare use the word) normal.

I was trying really hard not to call you out by name but to keep it general, as I thought most fitting for an open forum which is a place to share ideas and not to take potshots at one another.

You've said what you have to say (about me) and I've said what I had to say about sexual predators (in general). Is it possible to let the subject go?

Susan

PS: I had enough respect for you and the group to say what I wanted to say to you personally by private email where it belongs. However, it doesn't take me too long to recognize when I CAN have a useful dialogue with someone or that they are so invested in "being right" or "catching me at something awful???" that there is no dialogue.


Conrad Cook said:

Susan French said:

Hi Kathleen,

I'm sorry it came off that way and truthfully, I agree with you. This comment really comes from other discussions here that to my sensibility seem to diminish the effect that inappropriate unwanted touching has on people. Truly my irritation is aimed more towards people who think that it's "not a big deal."

Ah, so now you're admitting that your original post was directed at me, for saying that six years is a long time to go to jail for giving someone an unwanted backrub. When you wrote the anatomically vivid image of gay rape, in other words, you were intending to sexually harrass me.

She told us a story about a little boy who wouldn't stop biting people (common enough). He loved her as well. One time she got tired of it and bit him back. He was surprised, shocked and...he never bit anyone again.

I use a similar thing with my kids and grandkids when they are mean or insensitive. I try to reframe the situation in a way that they can "get it." It usually works. And I find that what works with children, often works with thickheaded or insenstitive people.

So, again: it's always wrong to sexually harrass someone, unless a "good" person, like you, is doing it to a "bad" person -- like me.

You become what you hate.


Conrad.

Permalink Reply by Richard Clark MFT on November 24, 2009 at 7:22pm

Hi Folks,

I think this discussion has gone way way off the track and I'll close it now.

In Closing...

1) If you state a strong opinion on a forum expect to be called to task for it.

2) Please refrain from overtly diagnosing and treating what you perceive to be the shortcomings of any individual member in an open discussion without their express consent.

If anyone feels they have something to add to this discussion, please start a new one with the title that best fits.

Richard

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