the Free Hypnosis Social Network
We all need to fulfil our physical & emotional needs..
But, even for the very happy ones, life has its ups and downs, we cannot avoid them, and then for a lot of us a few quiet moments become so, so painful.
It could be a lump in your throat or having a feeling of ropes squeezing your heart, or any other physical sensations that manifest from negative emotion (emanating from difficult past and expectations of future). For many, life is ok, but it hurts. The exact origins of pain you cannot pinpoint.
We all have our little trances (tv, overeating or the healthy ones exercising, socialising) that help us become our own person and help us cope.
Get a real perspective you may say.
Can you not overdose on self-hypnosis to help you cope with inner turmoil and with those ugly sensations? or just take the ropes and thow them away..some NLPers may say..(hm if it was that easy). What about changing our past, at the end of the day, we ourselves are the only actors in our own theatre of memories/thoughts.
Remaining calm must be one of the solutions, makes you think more clearly and gives you choice, but I guess it has to become a habit (not letting your glass overflow with stress).
What is your advice or response to the difficult quiet moments in life?
Any thoughts greatly appreciated!
For me I have been practising on myself and with clients mindfulness for over a year, I make room and allow my thoughts to come and go, knowing to be human and to experience that, means all the emotions, feelings and thoughts that come with being human.
I now observe and notice my thoughts for what they are just thoughts, passing by on the thought conveyor belt in my mind. I have no need to hold tight and cuddle them unless they lead me in the direction of my values and towards how I wish to live and be. I do my best to be present in and enjoy the moment for all its worth and enjoy the experiential aspects our moments bring no matter what label we give them. I can pick them up and put them back down, they do not have to define me or my experience.
I do not fight them or immerse myself in them I just notice them and let them be with a sense of curiosity and fascination. If you wish to explore mindfulness a great book is the happiness trap, I have an article on KIdsworks which is titled fishing for thoughts which is an exercise for this or just google, you tube and lots will come up. Have a play around with it and who knows what discoveries may be there!!!
I find becoming aware of these difficult moments and bringing acceptance to those moments brings a calmness, a break from the self as your title suggests. And by acceptance I mean fully being with the moment rather than wishing it were different in any way. Not the easiest thing to do for example when dealing with a burst car tyre but by bringing acceptance to a situation like that it is is more peaceful than cursing your luck or wishing it didn't happen. Doesn't mean you have to like the situation, it's about thinking well this is the way is right now. Now what to do.
It's funny that suffering can let you know that your off track, not such a bad thing! Hope that helps!
Some goods books on this are Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" or Michael Yapko's "Mindfulness and Hypnosis"
I use mindfulness meditation quite a bit. Doing or studying something radically different like piano, tai chi, or spending a while grazing on surrealistic artwork like the magic realism work of Ron Gonsalves. Something about magic realism artwork seems to engage me in a very positive way when I need it. It seems to break me out of whatever emotional or intellectual vortex Im caught in and circling at the time. I listen to a lot of music near constantly <g> It recharges and calms me.
If that doesn't seem to be doing enough I arrange to work with another hypnotherapist I trust. With all that I can do with self-hypnosis I have come across things that didn't budge with my own self efforts. Having the creativity, knowledge, point of view, and skills of another compassionate person to bear upon the issue can make all the difference. They can do things that I might not have ever considered on my own.
I have a personal philosophy about life.
Life is good.
It always has been, it always will be.
Things come up in life and we deal with them, some are good things and others are things we can learn from.
When we finish dealing with things, or we give them a certain amount of time, life is still there, it is still good. life isn't all bad things or all good things, I know sometimes it can seem like there is no way to see the forest because all the trees are in the way, but life is made up of many things, we can break them down and deal with one at a time, we can change the order of when and how we want to deal with things,life is an opportunity to have experiences.
How we percieve things is hugely important. I personally don't even believe in good or bad, I personally see if things make sense or not. It helps me deal with how much attention I want to give something.
I have found that being in the moment, or learning how to be in the moment, and what is being in the moment..... is really one of the best lessons learned in life. Of course it took me decades to know it even existed.
Eckhart Tolle was the one who brought living in the now, (or mindfulness), to my attention with, "The Power of Now."
In theory, it's like this. This moment right now is perfect, there is no pain, sadness, no stress, worry or anxiety.....in order to feel pain or sadness or any of those types of feelings, one has to go into the past to remember what pain or sadness is, and or what causes it, (some people hold on to that past every moment). There is no stress in this moment. In order to feel worry or stress or even anxiety, we first have to create it for it doesn't exist until we create. And then once we create, we then have to project it, or go out into our future in order to feel bad about something that hasn't even happened yet.
It's not about hiding in the moment, it's ok to experience your past for things that you enjoy or need or are curious about and it's perfectly fine to look out into the future, to plan and set goals, but keep things in perspective, if something hasn't happened yet....you get to influence it anyway you want, not just how you learned or were taught.
Some say that living in the moment is so perfect that it is also that time where people communicate with their higher power if that is what they believe in, or while practicing meditation. I suggest self hypnosis and meditation, a nice combo.
Someone else mentioned one of my favorite things, "acceptance."
Acceptance of what is.
I believe that anger, and other feelings like that come from the resisting of what is. One does not have to agree with what is in order to accept that what is, has just happened.
Anger can come from wanting to change what has already happened.
"Somebody called me a lazy no good, this or that," I can disagree with how they think, but the fact would be that they already said that, they already have thought that, I am not going to change the fact that it has already been done. I could try, and fail and get upset and punch them out, or I can accept the fact that they said it, they probably have a good reason for saying it, it doesn't mean that it's true, and now from a place of acceptance of what is, I can choose what I want to do.
I have a feeling that, that quiet moment you refer to is not a quiet momement, but if you could take the past out of that quiet moment, and take the future out of that quiet moment, just for a moment, you might actually see and or feel, in fact, a real quiet moment. And thanks to NLP, we can also set things aside for a while, while we enjoy a quiet moment. In fact, if you set things aside before going to sleep at night, and don't worry, they will be there in the morning because they are important, but if you set things aside, it allows for a more restful night's sleep, so I hear, and do.
Feel free to ask me any questions.
I also recomend, Eckhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth," for anyone wanting to understand their control over their "ego," excellent book for that.
This is interesting because you do a great job of setting up the story, using "we" instead of me, putting certain text in bold, etc. It really elicited some feelings for me. It's like a person who tells the first half of a story then stops, I'm waiting for the great finish! :)
I'd like to encourage you (so I will :)) to examine your language for the changes you truly desire. For example you wrote, "We all have our little trances..." Really? All of us? Where is your evidence? Can you describe this "truth" on earth with color, size, and location? Is there perhaps one or two people who don't? Semantics could lead to freedom I think.
Also, I'd suggest "chunking up". You actually might NOT be the kind of person that has difficulty in quiet moments. I'm not. I used to think I was the kind of person that had difficulty in quiet moments, until I started getting curious about what it meant to "be". Feelings one has in a quiet moment may not qualify.
Stuff to consider or ignore.
All the rest I read is cool too!
When you're not feeling so good, sometimes a simple change in perspective makes everything better. For example, when I'm in a pretty bad or unpleasant emotional state I say to myself :"this is just a chemical reaction going on inside my body, a bunch of hormones and neurotransmitters being released". The key is in realizing that you are not these patterns, you are not your pain, you are not your addictions you are not your problems, what you are is much more and it's hidden underneath all this armor, which is trying to 'protect' you from harm and help you survive, but in doing so, it's preventing you from living like you want and express you full potential. So usually when I go through this thought process I realize how easy it is to get out of it and start to think logically and find a potential solution to the 'problem'.
One other thing you can do is realize how insignificant this thing you're going through is, compared to everything you've been through during your entire life, and to all the things you've achieved before.
And given the fact that all emotions have have a physical reaction associated to it (certain hormones for example), controlling your emotions can be done through a certain type of physical training. Drop me a message if you want to learn more about it.
There is a reason for feeling the way you feel, when you feel it.
If it is not a pleasant experience, help is available to change it and make it more of one.
As hypnotists; it's what we do to help other people...and what we sometimes need to help ourselves with also.
My suggestion is to address those issues and get rid of them, contact me on skype and I will help you with it as one hypnotist to another.
(using the generic "you.")
I agree to a point with the other posters. Mindfulness and acceptance are necessary, but mindfulness can also take some people to dwell on the matter thus having the opposite effect. Once you accept whatever that is troubling you, and if it cannot be changed positively, then you must move forward. Realize that this too shall pass. Taking positive action is your best friend! (And if you cannot move forward to lift yourself, get outside help!)
I suggest doing a number of conscious actions to raise your personal vibration level. Use as many as help you or that resonate with you.
The simplest way to raise yourself is by practicing gratitude for all the wonderful people/things you have in your life. At day's end, write out your gratitude list and think about these things throughout the day.
Related to the above, after performing every single action throughout your day, regardless how simple or mundane - including brushing your teeth, getting your mail, turning on a light, etc- everything! - smile and say, "I like this!" and why the smile part is important (easier than typing for me : D ) http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongbeauty/tp/smiling.htm
A couple years ago a study on depression was done that showed consciously smiling helped. I learned the above technique long ago.
Release the "love hormone", or oxytocin, within yourself by simply placing your hand over your heart and holding there. An even better use of this hormone release is to go outside and walk while placing your hand over your heart with endorphins being released on top of the oxytocin. So much the better if sunny.
RET (Rapid Eye Technology) eye patching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24EfRgzh8K0 Relieves stress and changes perception very quickly
and/or RET selfcare http://rapideyetechnology.com/selfcare.htm video demo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeDYJXPV7U4&feature=related
The Joy Touch and clicking your amygdalae, both very effective:
One thing I do is find things that make me laugh and listen and watch those frequently. One of my favorites is this video about a dog. I have a Labrador Retriever and she knows right from wrong, also.
Denver the guilty dog http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ISzf2pryI
Best wishes, blessings and light, Vana!
I agree with John when he says there is a reason why you feel the way you do when you feel the way you do, he is giving some good advice.
I wanted to correct something that I included in my other post, I linked being in the now and mindfulness, depending on someone's definition of mindfulness, it can be the same if you are thinking about being mindful of this moment, but some see it more like meditation. Being in the now, or being present is as simple as describing what you are doing. Like right now, I am typing. I am sitting down, I am about to go make my lunch....etc. As long as I am in this moment, I am practicing being in the moment. I am in the moment when I am playing tennis, etc.
just wanted to clear a couple of things up
Rather than eliminate the feelings i think it is better to attempt to find out what the feelings are trying to tell you. If you ask most people "what are feelings for?" they typically havent got a clue and just want rid of them.
Feelings are like the warning lights on the dashboard of a car. If you ignore them, something will happen. If you put more fuel in when your oil light is on them you are going to end up with another problem.
I highly recommend reading "The Secret Language of Feelings" by Cal Banyan.
Learn what your feelings are trying to tell you and then act on that and you will so much better than trying to eliminate them.