Keep it professional and courteous

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on January 19, 2010 at 8:06pm

Roy,
I think we all try to focus on the discussions we post on, but I agree with Scott Brown that a bit of humorous rhetoric helps keep it entertaining. The goal I guess is to know when it crosses the line and become simple bashing, and humorous or not, bashing is bashing (uhhh..did "I" just say that?). I personally do try to keep focus on discussion but as recently illustrated, it does get difficult at times.

I believe it is also important to make sure that we don't take ourselves too seriously, it is just discussions of viewpoints and techniques, not cast in stone edicts, that we are dispensing on this site. As I remember, all are invited to comment here and no one person's comments outweighs anyone elses.

As one who is of a flexible nature of course, if Scott Sandland decides that humor is not desired or permitted on his board, that is another story. But since you brought it up, I will go a bit further and say that if "my" humor offends or disgruntles you in anyway, just let me know and I will not respond to you in a discussion, or in any discussion you have created. That is the best I can do :)

John

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on January 19, 2010 at 9:35pm

Thank you Roy, I agree.

Doreen Cohanim C.Ht

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on January 20, 2010 at 3:10am

I think that sharing and being kind is more important than being 'right' (or thinking we are).
It is said that we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, and we should use them in proportion. Some people may be an authority in a certain area, but that does not negate the contributions of others.

And there (IMHO) is never, EVER jusification to insult someone. Let's face it; most of us aren't here to demonstrate our wit and ability to make others laugh.

Being able to laugh at oneself is a valuable asset. We all have differing opinions as to what constitutes 'funny' or 'humour', so, like Roy suggests, maybe we should make it apparent that we're being humorous, or think we are (perhaps with use of smiley or the ever-present 'lol').

And as an open forum, many of us with our real likenesses as our avatars, be aware that the very clients we wish to gain may well find us on here... And perhaps be put off by our unkindness to fellow posters.

Long live freedom of speech... Longer live humanity.

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on January 20, 2010 at 4:23am

Adrian Tannock said:

I am here to learn as well as to share (and have done both).

Hi Adrian.

That's interesting; to me, sharing is a 2- (or more) way process. :-)

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on January 20, 2010 at 6:20am

I'm just a sharing kinda gal!

Adrian Tannock said:

Henxy said:

Adrian Tannock said:

I am here to learn as well as to share (and have done both).

Hi Adrian.

That's interesting; to me, sharing is a 2- (or more) way process. :-)

It is - it works both ways, hey? :-)

(And if I was going to be especially pedantic with myself, I'd draw attention to my own false dichotomy, in that through sharing one learns, and through learning, one also shares - there is no need for the 'as well as')...

Cheers,

Adrian

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on January 20, 2010 at 7:44am

;-)

Adrian Tannock said:

Henxy said:

I'm just a sharing kinda gal!

My favorite kinda gal! ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Donna Carter on January 20, 2010 at 8:09am

Hypnothoughts is a huge part of my journey. I have met many people from this site who are now close friends and I hope to continue making and improving more of these friendships. It is nice to have reminders every now and then on how to keep the journey pleasant as well as... continuing to build bridges.

In my paradigm: debate = progress.
One can debate an issue without attack. It's done all the time.

Also, there are 'debating' words... that I, on occasion, throw out into this...beautiful blue world of hypnothoughts - just to cause debate (sheepish grin).
You see....I like to hear from people like you, Roy... people like Michael, Scott, John, Katherine, Melissa...etc. etc. (just to name a few) and... sometimes, it isn't until someone (uhh...er....occasionally me - HEY, I'll take one for the team ~eyebrows raised~) says something completely off the wall - that 'passion' behind what everyone thinks on a subject, motivates them to correct whoever/me when whoever/I am just a bit wrong.
I LOVE THAT! I can't help it.
So-so discussions do not produce the 'powerhouse' of learning that I am sometimes seeking. Debate...however, opens doors to new ways of thinking and huge opportunities to grow, right?

Anyhoo.... all this to say, I like debate.
But, also agree...it should be a comfortable space.


For a while now, I started a new way of thinking (might have started last year sometime)...
I just assume everyone loves me, so everyone's posts seems loving. ~grin.
So if I hear..."you are ridiculous and you're not funny!"
I can think..."ahhh...bless her heart....she kids, she kids!...how funny!"

~Donna







Roy Hunter said:

Perhaps a better choice of words would have been "state a difference of opinion" rather than debate. I have some trusted friends with high integrity in this profession who have different opinions than I do, but they get results. The metaphor is that there is more than one way to go from New York to Los Angeles; but reaching the destination successfully is more important than the journey we choose.
Roy Hunter

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Permalink Reply by amber lee poole on January 20, 2010 at 7:38pm

Thank you Roy, so well put and to be honest, i haven't been coming here anywhere near as much as i used to due to the insults and tooing and froing (spelling??) with people's opinions, etc....

I hope everyone reads your posting and realises that we are all here to learn and grow and input, but please do it respectfully.

Amber xox

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Permalink Reply by Joshua Houghton on January 20, 2010 at 11:54pm

Hey Roy,

Sound advice that never goes out of style. I have never understood people who attack others, make judgments or put down others. We can argue all day about which techniques are better and what works and what doesn't, but at the end of the day none of this matters.

The only thing that really matters in the end as Hypnotists is the results our clients get from the work we do with them. If the technique or methods work for that Hypnotist and their client then wonderful. This is the reason I come to Hypnothoughts and other networks. To learn from others and see what they are doing that I'm not. Do I agree with everything that I read or hear. No...but do I respect the ideas and thoughts of the other person...Yes
I have always found it's just better to agree to disagree and part as friends then to fight a war of words that can never truly be won.

This was a wonderful post Roy and thank you for everything you do for this profession. The same to everyone else here.

Love & Respect
Joshua Hougthon

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on January 21, 2010 at 4:28am

I'm with you Ian-

Off-group communications are a powerful way to share one's concerns without adding fuel to the fire--

FYI - I didn't bother to contact any of the players in the recent "schism/pissing contest" because I didn't think it was necessary and trusted it would work itself out-

Michael E.

Ian Jay said:

Other than me, did anyone else take a positive action to try to defuse the recent schism that this thread is about? I read a lot of praise for Roy's public intervention, but if it concerned you so much - why did you not send a personal message to one or both of the parties concerned? (I did!)

We now appear to have what may be called the 'sheep syndrome' here, peeps. That being the case, try being a shepherd for once in your life.

Food for thought?

Ian

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Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on January 21, 2010 at 4:44am

Thanks Roy, and all the others who have contributed to this thread.

On this issue, I today had a message in my inbox, asking the following questions:

Second question: With all the talk of disrespectful posts, I was wondering, has any member ever been dismissed due to bad manners?

Third and last question: When a member leaves whether voluntarily or otherwise, what happens to the posts, discussions, etc. that he/she contributed?

I thought it might be worth sharing my response to those questions.


Regarding people being dismissed from hypnothoughts, well the answer is, that we try to intervene as little as possible, and certainly prefer to give gentle friendly warnings to people who do not stick to the forums agreements, including, disprespectful comments, spamming, and advertising within the forums. but if that fails, there are several steps that might be taken, ranging from freezing their membership for a period of reflection... to suspension or banning.
These are actions that are not taken lightly, except in the cases where it is obvious that the member has only joined the community for the purpose of spamming

When a person leaves the community, either voluntarilly, or through suspension.
Their posts and home page details are automatically deleted.

But as in the recent case... where other people have included that persons comments within a response , those comments can still be seen.

All community members have the abillity to delete any of their own posts, which for whatever reason they would prefer not to remain in a thread. and the modetors have the ability to delete any posts if they feel it is appropriate. again this is not something which is done lightly, as none of the moderators are keen on censorship.

Love and hugs,

Fable

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Permalink Reply by Roy Hunter on January 21, 2010 at 8:39am

Good comments Ian...

Although a private email may work for someone who gets passionate but is a good person, it sometimes backfires when the critic is deliberately trying to put someone down or simply using a public forum to carry out a bully mentality. One person who left Hypnothoughts emailed me privately when I encouraged him to rejoin, and said: "I need some time to reflect on what happened. The cutting remarks were beyond my comfort level." He was quite upset at someone else who repeatedly posted criticisms; but I believe this person has much to contribute from his wisdom and experience.

You can appeal perhaps once privately, but do not say anything that would embarrass you if he/she posted your private comments back in the same forum, along with your name. In years past I have privately contacted "trolls" in other hypnosis news groups, only to find them escalating their flames to a new level because of some sort of ego satisfaction gained with the private feedback...which sometimes gets posted publicly back on the newsgroup with comments such as: "If you don't like heat, get out of the kitchen." In one instance, such a "troll" publicly posted very personal and private information disclosed to him by a woman who tried to appeal to his better good. She told me at a hypnosis convention that she was hurt very deeply by his actions.

At some level of consciousness, most of us can figure out whether a comment is a different opinion, or whether it is a personal attack even if sugar-coated with humor. People with good intentions will usually agree to disagree...or in some cases actually apologize. A bully rarely backs down unless confronted with possible consequences for his/her actions.

If you are one of those who gets a sense of satisfaction posting flaming comments, please reconsider how you would feel being the target of public criticism...and consider hypnotherapy to discover and release the core cause of your problem. It is OK to have a different opinion regarding a technique or a philosophy...but it is entirely another to publicly put that person down.

In this day and age, depending on the intensity of negative remarks, the consequences could result in defending yourself against litigation for libel.

Roy

Ian Jay said:

Other than me, did anyone else take a positive action to try to defuse the recent schism that this thread is about? I read a lot of praise for Roy's public intervention, but if it concerned you so much - why did you not send a personal message to one or both of the parties concerned? (I did!)
We now appear to have what may be called the 'sheep syndrome' here, peeps. That being the case, try being a shepherd for once in your life. Food for thought?
Ian

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