Parent In Room During Session With 12-Year-Old

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on December 30, 2009 at 6:06am

Mike --

Mom signs the practitioner/client agreement of behalf of the son. If Mom and Dad are separated - it is probably a good idea to get permission from both parents and have both sign your Intake document.

Some 12 Y.O.s will be more responsive if mom is out of the room and some 12 Y.Os will be more responsive if mom is in the room.
Remembering that you work for the young man - Ask him his preference and honor it.

If you are not a licensed family therapist or psychologist -- I advise staying away from the family dynamics and focus your attention and your clients attention on all of the benefits and advantages of achieving and maintaining his goals...

Michael E.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Jackson Burney on December 30, 2009 at 6:46am

Thanks Michael. As far as family dynamics, while I do want to stay away from counseling, isn't it helpful to know if the kid is going to return right back into a family with unhealthy eating habits of their own and junk food lining their cabinets? Thanks, Mike

Michael Ellner said:

Mike --

Mom signs the practitioner/client agreement of behalf of the son. If Mom and Dad are separated - it is probably a good idea to get permission from both parents and have both sign your Intake document.

Some 12 Y.O.s will be more responsive if mom is out of the room and some 12 Y.Os will be more responsive if mom is in the room.
Remembering that you work for the young man - Ask him his preference and honor it.

If you are not a licensed family therapist or psychologist -- I advise staying away from the family dynamics and focus your attention and your clients attention on all of the benefits and advantages of achieving and maintaining his goals...

Michael E.

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on December 30, 2009 at 7:04am

To see a child without their parent IMHO is much less useful than seeing them on their own.
They are not in isolation from their parents' influence whilst they are a minor who is living with them. Having said that, the child is the client and should be given the option of who's in the room...
Remember that there are vindictive characters (both parents and children) who would be quite happy to make unfounded allegations of misconduct. This is very hard to disprove without video evidence of the encounter or the presence of a chaperone (which conventionally is female, and doesn't have to be the parent).
Trance tends to be a lot less formal, and kids tend to move about a lot more than adults, in my experience. Sometimes, talking 'at' the parent elicits the required response from the child, and gains their attention.

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Permalink Reply by Roger Moore on December 30, 2009 at 7:10am

Most of my initial sessions with children (12 & under) involve one or both parents. Never been a problem. If I am seeing the child for multiple sessions, the parents usually stop coming after the 2nd session.

Roger

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on December 30, 2009 at 7:37am

Oops. Bit of a typo here. Meant to say that seeing them with their parent is more useful than seeing the kid alone. I think I got my double negative mixed up!
;-P

Henxy said:

To see a child without their parent IMHO is much less useful than seeing them on their own.

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Permalink Reply by James Malone on December 30, 2009 at 7:57am

Mike, I see a fair number of kids at my practice and one thing to keep in mind when working with them is that you really are doing a "double" session in that you will be working with the parents too.

In a friendly and persuasive way you will have to educate mom or dad on how to reinforce what you begin in the session so that they don't undo your work-i.e. positive language and expectations, rewards and other positive reinforcement, etc. The parent(s) is the original and most powerful "hypnotist" in the child's life and needs to be on board with the process. This is especially true with seeing kids for weight loss. What if the family pattern every night is to plop in front of the TV and mindlessly stuff themselves with junk food til bedtime? Do your suggestions really have a chance if that isn't going to change too?

As you can imagine some parents are going to be a big help while others are going to be "challenging" to put it politely, but it is all part of the job.

Whether to have the parent present or not is going to depend on the child's preference and maturity level. Nonetheless be sure to engage the parent during the interview process and post-hypnosis. Good luck! Jim

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Permalink Reply by Roger Moore on December 30, 2009 at 8:29am

James reminded me that often as a result of sitting in on their child's sessions, parents have become clients and referred others.

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Permalink Reply by David Hill on December 30, 2009 at 1:35pm

My question is what kind of hypnosis are you planning on doing with him, If its direct suggestion parents would be great and let the parents know they can help the session go better by giving support for the son by altering behavior at home that helps the success that would help everybody. If your doing feelings, timeline, regression any of those things that are going to bring up issues to resolve parents are a bad idea cause the may be against the parents or other family and would be a bad idea.

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Permalink Reply by Donna Carter on December 30, 2009 at 3:10pm

Michael,
Is the parent wanting her overweight son to lose weight? Or is it the son initiating this? Just curious - because of your wording.
It is more productive for a nice round education of all parties involved. I mean, there needs to be healthy foods available and the 12 year old is not in charge of the food that comes into the household. That is a quandary, isn't it?
Maybe the question to the mother should be... "and what are you willing to do to ensure success?"


Scott B.,
You said: "Hypnotherapy is not a substitute for bad parenting and lack of discipline. If I had a 12 year old boy that sat stuffing cakes and sweet I would boot the plate out of his fat lazy hand a make him eat salads.
Parents tend to use therapy as a way of avoiding and having to take responsibility having to get tough with their kids.
So the therapy starts and you going to have to be rude and aggressive with them to make any progress."

It has been my understanding that coercion always causes resentment. I am curious how you would "make him" eat salads. Your wording indicates a tone of authoritarian to the extreme. Say it isn't so. What does discipline look like in your mind? "booting" or "fat lazy" or "getting tough" - would be considered bad parenting, in my opinion. But then, I structure my role as parent differently: All behavior is an opportunity for education. 'Positive reinforcement' tends to eliminate discipline in my household. I highly recommend it.

On to another point... the idea that a parent bringing their child to 'therapy' - couldn't that indicate they feel stuck? Everyone feels stuck now and then. Also, people get sucked into behavior and don't realize they have been sucked down that road until they...take a good look. Sometimes, it takes experimenting with ideas and new roads (therapy being one of them) in order to wrap one's hands around 'how' to change the behavior they have. Everyone is human. Beautifully human. Even you, who commented...knowing and inviting comments back, ensuring...you will get a new look at how to view things. How you choose to use it, is up to you...isn't it?

Book: Coercion - and it's fallout.

Happy New Year,
~D.

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Permalink Reply by Sean Michael Andrews on December 30, 2009 at 3:23pm

Michael:
I've worked with a lot of kids and I really enjoy it! They take to hypnosis so easily and make such rapid change. Personally I have NEVER allowed a parent to sit in on a session. (Okay, once, but that was a special case.) Many times the parent is the reason that the child has the issue, so it is difficult for the child to open up if Mom or Dad is in the room.

Whenever I work with a child or a lady, I always videotape the session using a cheap webcam attached to my laptop. It makes everyone feel so secure and protects me too. The kids love it because they can wave to themselves on the screen.

Best Wishes,
Sean Michael Andrews
www.WorldsFastestHypnotist.com

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Permalink Reply by Michael Jackson Burney on December 30, 2009 at 4:22pm

Great input. I have not had the consultation. I'm "assuming" that both the parent and the child want to achieve weight loss but well aware that the parent can be more of the driving force. I think James hit the nail on the head from the standpoint of my concern that you can only do so much if the environment at home run totally counter to my suggestions for behavioral change. Thanks to you all! Mike

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on December 30, 2009 at 4:32pm

Despite comments here assuming that the parents are at fault, you need remember that the parent is seeking your help. That means, that on some level, the parent is concerned for the child. This is powerful stuff and you can use it for motivation.
Just because a child is overweight, or anxious, or angry, or whatever else necessitates therapy, doesn't mean the parent is always responsible. There may be outside, unknown influence. You don't know that and it is dangerous to assume so.
Keep your mind open and LISTEN to the boy. Give him a variety of ways to safely express himself and the clues will appear.

Best wishes,

Kelley

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