Person asked if I could help them stop being so lucky--it's hindering him

I had an interesting consultation today and am wondering if I can even find an angle or plan in which to help this person.

All his life he seems to have been able to get away with not being responsible for his actions. In childhood with parents and teachers (never did his homework, late or skipped class, rarely studied but still did well in school), drives wrecklessly but never gotten a ticket, got assigned high-level position in navy based on his aptitude test yet his jobs have not really required a lot of him but he makes a good amount of money. Doesn't have to study much but aces his exams. One time decided to study hard to win top of class and get a promotion; was behind this other woman in scores but her husband got hospitalized night before final exam and she flunked it so he beat her out. Got arrested once, which would have gotten him kicked out of Navy but a new rule was passed the next day that "saved" him. And list goes on and on.

He's rarely been given any boundaries or big responsibility and when he does, he still gets away with not following the rules.

Although others ask why he's complaining that he's not happy with his life (he seems to have a residual 4 leaf clover over his head), he knows this pattern is robbing him of opportunities to really make something of himself (feel like he's living up to this great potential within him), feel like he's earned things, have better relationships (after a while people get resentful that he doesn't have to follow the rules and experience consequences like they do), and somewhere inside he feels his "skirting the rules" may land him in some big trouble--even lead to his demise.

He has also experienced an odd sleep disorder for 5 years (since age 18 when went off to Navy because he slacked off on applying for colleges) in that he has a very hard time waking up. And when he does, he's usually groggy and not functioning well for at least a half hour. He's been seeing the Navy medics about it and they're still running tests. Until then he has a slack job where all he does is go in and sweep/mop some hallways for 3 hours then goes home, yet is still earning his previous high income.

I have worked with someone in the past for oversleeping and not being able to wake up easily/on time/to alarm and had success, so I know some things I can try with him for that. But I am perplexed on how or even IF I could help him with the other issue/pattern.

Any thoughts my fellow hypnotherapists may have on this would be helpful. I told him I would do some research to see if I could determine a plan to work with him and let him know by Friday. He is very open to hypnosis (and wants to study/work with social psychology), and any of the other techniques I might want to use with him (I am also trained in EFT and some other emotional release techniques, as well as a very effective limiting belief elimination process, but again not sure how I could use them in this situation).

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Permalink Reply by Lisa on December 28, 2011 at 5:59pm

Hi Lisa,

Could his grasp be exceeding his reach? Perhaps he needs much higher goals than he currently finds and sets his mind to. Comparing oneself to others leads to both vanity and dispair. Part of the key might be in not competing and comparing himself with others but with himself. Not to concern himself with the luck of others. Only he really knows what he has to do to accomplish this.

I know of a gentleman librarian who has nearly a dozen degrees. He may be getting tremendous contentment functioning with in very defined boundaries to earn each one and collect them. It may be akin to the intensity an artist gets from taking the wild horses of their mind and expressing them within the boundaries of slow drying paints upon canvas. Or what pleasure there is in taking a pile of Lincoln logs and making a series of buildings from them. Uncertain, boundless, infinite chaos to bounded, elegant order. Taking the feral or wild unlimited mind and guiding it to dance within different and varied boundaries. He may just need something that truly challenges him. To focus a passion.

None of this may apply at all-or maybe some of it does. It may be a different way of looking at this client that might assist in finding more possibilities that might be workable to him.

gentle eve,

Lisa

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Permalink Reply by Christian Madsen on December 29, 2011 at 12:17am

I agree with Lisa, that some realistic, but yet higher goals might be a good place to start, also I would encourage to "play by the rules" even though he might have an uncanny tendency to dodge the obvious consequences, the subtle consequences he apparently doesn't dodge judging from his own reactions and that of others. And by playing by the rules he will also get greater appreciation of his own achievements.

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on December 29, 2011 at 5:26am

Hi Lisa,

When I hear you tell about this guy, I see someone moving away from what he doesn’t want.

What does he want, (in his words)?

For starters have him reword what he does want, moving towards what he wants as opposed to moving away from what he doesn’t want. Based on his language spoken, he might have a tendency to follow what he wants with reasons of that which he doesn’t want. I would ask him to rephrase what he wants until there is no hint of why or what he doesn’t want.

That picture will look completely different.

I would then have him put his list of what he does want, in order, from most important on top to least important. I would then ask him about each keeping everything in the positive, moving toward positive goals. Then when done with that ask to re-evaluae the order and see if he wants to change the order of the list.

And then ask him how he will know when he has achieved each. What will be different, what will he know, what will he see, how will he know when he’s achieved each.

There may be a common thread, or you can have him pick one of the main issues and work on one at a time.

It appears he sees this as one big mess spanning a life time.

Chunk down and look at one goal at a time. Use his ideas of success.

Steve

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on December 29, 2011 at 9:24am

Has he got a limiting belief in that he calls what's happening 'luck'? Believing in fate is one way of abdicating from responsibility. Testing the boundaries and pushing them until something goes wrong big style is one way of self destructing.

Perhaps a reframe on what luck actually is may help? Is he lucky that he feels robbed of opportunities to make something of himself? Does he really believe he's NOT made something of himself? Without this protective bubble of believing he's lucky, how would things be? I'm seeing the scene from one of the Superman films where he gives up his powers to be with Lois Lane; and things go horribly wrong for him.

Maybe he's dealing in absolutes? If he was that lucky, and that reckless, he'd not hold down a job, he'd not have got a license to drive in the first place.

Maybe there's more to the 'sleep disorder' than is written here, cos what I read there is typical of every boyfriend I ever had!

A CBT type approach may help: behavioural experiments in future pacing to help him experience various possible futures, and for him to choose his way forward as a result of what he finds out.

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Permalink Reply by Tim Bartley on December 29, 2011 at 12:18pm

A few things come to mind... For both the luck and sleeping problem try this:

Start with parts therapy, call out the part that wants the change, have him give it a shape, feeling, and name.

Then call out the "bad part" that is blocking the change, the part that is responsible... feed back to him his complaints.

Ask the bad part the usual questions...like... are you here to punish or protect?

Then build the feeling and regress to cause.

I have also added a few steps to test to make sure the problem is cleared... All too much to write out here. If you'd like to discuss my contact info is at thoughtbecomesreality dot com.

Tim

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Permalink Reply by Barry Neale on December 29, 2011 at 1:25pm

Personally I would want a whole lot of more information before jumping in any particular process.

Firstly I would want to know if he has had any prior mental health issues. When I was working in mental health ciinics I would occasionally get patients who made similar claims. They believed that they were lucky, everyone loved them etc however this was far from the truth. So i would want to rule that out straight away particularly if you are not qualified to deal with this kind of issue.

Once ruling that out I would go after the belief that he was lucky and that equals a problem. I would also want to set a well formed outcome for the therapy so that you know where you are going.

Luck both good or bad is a matter of beliefs. If we believe we are lucky we open ourselves to situations and experiences which can provide us with "good" luck and we will focus only on the times when we have good luck, dismissing the times when things didn't work in our favor. If we believe that we are unlucky we will go through life ignoring opportunities that could bring us good fortune and focus only on the times when things go wrong.

Although I wouldn't normally recommend Derren Brown as a resource for therapy he recently did a program on Luck and showed exactly how our beliefs create luck both good and bad. If you google Derren Brown and the lucky dog you will find more info.

I agree with Henxy in that the so called sleep disorder sounds pretty normal so I wouldn't worry to much about that.