Rapport Lost?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Greg Turner on August 17, 2010 at 12:54pm

Any of what you wrote could be happening. You just don't know. I would get payment up front before seeing him for another session.

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on August 17, 2010 at 1:00pm

Write this one off.

You've been far more patient than I would be, and I have too often been a pushover in the past. If someone has annoyed me that much, I don't think I can help them effectively anyway, because as you say, all rapport is lost.

Heck, if I have someone who is a one-time no-show, I insist on pre-payment before I will even schedule another appointment.

A lot of smokers think they're supposed to quit because society says they should, so by scheduling sessions, they are "taking steps" toward quitting. But they have no intention of actually quitting. Others go to the sessions and make no real attempt to stop, so that they can later say, "I tried everything, but nothing works, so I'm stuck with this habit. Poor me!"

My solution is to charge what I consider to be an arm and a leg for smoking cessation, and I never offer a discount on it. If someone really wants to quit, they'll pay it. If they really want to be able to say they've tried everything, then they'll have to pay me good money for the privilege--but most won't waste the money if they're not serious. And if they say it's too much, I ask them to calculate how much money they spend on cigarettes in a year and then tell me they can't afford my fees.

James

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl Westley on August 17, 2010 at 2:55pm

...His micro-managing would have turned me off pretty early.
These are red flags I've experienced before... unfortunately.

Leighton wrote:
After requesting that I type out and email him a list of all the things he will experience in the session, how it all works, and the things he will gain for his money (even though we'd discussed it in depth) - he then (frustratingly) didn't even bother to turn up for the third agreed appointment.

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Permalink Reply by Jackie Spencer on August 17, 2010 at 8:08pm

I would require a copy of the hospital admission papers and payment in advance before I would agree to treat this guy. You jumped through his hoops. I wonder is he serious enough to jump through these?

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Permalink Reply by Marc Carlin on August 18, 2010 at 2:37am

Hi Leighton,

We've all come up against someone like this and the replies so far are consistent
with how I feel and what I would do.

I rarely will book any session without a credit card authorization. And I am especially wary
of smokers for the same reason that James outlined.

I wouldn't waste my time with letters of anger and indignation toward this smoker. Sending him
the bill seemed to have worked nicely for you, you got a response. That's good. You just took
back control of the conversation and became the hypnotist.

In every interaction there will be the influencer (hypnotist) and the influencee (client). It's our job
to be the influencer in all interactions. ;-) So if you decide to go forward with this smoker it's really
important that you get him to continue to follow your instructions to the letter.

With that in mind start giving him things to do at specific times that can be verified by you that will
have conditional positive response by you. Like, if you threatened legal action, and he believes he
might be forced to pay, make him do something like fill out a smoker profile and email it back to you.
Then have him do something else that requires a little more effort. Each instruction requrires more
effort than the last and the easing up on your taking action is the reward.

Personally, this would be too much work for me so I would just drop it altogether. And the way that
I found to avoid this type of behavior in all of my clients is to get their CC info in order to book their
appointment. It's been like magic... I no longer have to remind them of their appointments, so there are less
missed ones. Clients start to take responsibility for their actions right away. I can predict accurately what kind of income I will see in the coming weeks. People show up on time and get help! All good things, and the people who aren't serious, or who wouldn't show up anyway are the ones who balk at having to give up their CC to book their appointments. So you only miss out on the bad clients and you get the ones that are ready to listen to you and follow your instructions.

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl Westley on August 18, 2010 at 7:28am

Great advice!

...also, I keep thinking, every time I read the title to this thread -- who lost rapport with who??? I think this 'potential client' probably ruined his rapport with you, not the other way around.

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Permalink Reply by Leighton on August 18, 2010 at 9:51am

Yes, I've come to agree with that Cheryl!

All great advice - so thank you. Having read through it, I agree with the majority that there's no way I could effectively help this guy now, even if he did reach a point of genuinely wanting to quit.

That's great insight James - it seems like an 'easy option' for these smokers to be seen to be taking positive steps, without any real intention to change being present. I will certainly consider raising my my fees, to be taken more seriously from the start - though like you, I have never and will never give a discount for stop smoking sessions. I love the idea too of taking credit card details! I do have a 'deposit' button on my website - but people always seem to find an excuse not to use it.

Definately micro-managing on his part - and something I will certainly be more aware of in the future.

I love your info on maintaining the 'influencer' position Marc - something I will bear in mind also, for future dealings!

I will put this one down to experience, and drop it. Not worth the energy I've already given it!

Thanks again to all :-)

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Permalink Reply by Kathleen Hanover on August 18, 2010 at 6:15pm

Hi Leighton,

If prospects (people who haven't paid you yet) find an excuse to not pay your deposit, you have an excuse to schedule those times with paying clients (people who value your services as much or more than they value your money, and are willing to prove it by paying you in advance).

I'm not a hypnotherapist, but I am an expert in my field and I expect to be treated as such. To get on my calendar requires payment in advance.

If prospects give you any guff about it, ask them if they pay going into a movie, or coming out of it.

I'm not sure how to say this without sounding mean, but the problem isn't the prospect. It's your lack of valuing your time and your willingness to allow a stranger to jerk you around.

Kathleen
Marketing and PR Opinionist

Leighton said:

I do have a 'deposit' button on my website - but people always seem to find an excuse not to use it.

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Permalink Reply by Leighton on August 19, 2010 at 1:20am

You're very right Kathleen, and I appreciate your input. I am aware that I've been far too relaxed about the whole payment system, which, given the nature of my work, probably isn't helping me (Marc's 'Influencer' / 'Influencee' principle).

I feel I've learned a very valuable lesson here, and also been shown the consequences of not valuing my own time and skill to a healthy level.

I have very quickly tightened up my act! :-)

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on August 19, 2010 at 7:48am

I do find it interesting that some people insist on beng paid before providing their service. I'm not sure that insisting on prior payment aids anyone in their rapport with their client. It may suggest that you're untrustworthy yourself, or you're untrusting...Either of these options to me is worse than the possibility of your client not paying up.
And every client I've ever had has been keen to tell me after their session that they'd pay me much more for my services :-)

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on August 19, 2010 at 8:20am

I usually tell clients that payment is due at the time of the session, but that if they wish to pay by credit card, they can do so online beforehand. I have had a few clients show up with only a credit card in hand, but every one of those has paid the online invoice within 24 hours.

Paying at the session implies a mutual trust in my opinion.

However, for workshops, I offer a discount to people who pre-pay; that tends to guarantee they won't flake out at the last minute.

James

Henxy said:

I do find it interesting that some people insist on beng paid before providing their service. I'm not sure that insisting on prior payment aids anyone in their rapport with their client. It may suggest that you're untrustworthy yourself, or you're untrusting...Either of these options to me is worse than the possibility of your client not paying up.
And every client I've ever had has been keen to tell me after their session that they'd pay me much more for my services :-)

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Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on August 19, 2010 at 8:36am

Perhaps it's an english thing,
or perhaps I am old fashioned (always a posibility),
I tend to agree with henxy (and James).
I simply expect paying at the end of the session.
Preferably with cash, or with a cheque. (I have no facilities for credit card payment).
It makes the whole thing human for me.

I do get some no shows, but I usually just write this down to experience, and make a cup of tea.

Ot does however sound like this particular client is working his ticket, and testing your boundaries, so in that case, as you have the facility, I think you should ask him to pay in advance for any future sessions.

Love and hugs,


Fable

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