Rapport -- what is it really?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Henxy on March 28, 2010 at 10:25pm

I don't think it has to be undivided attention. I think it's about being understood (rather than mimicked or apparently mocked, as clumsy mirroring can become).
To have someone believe/think/feel that they're totally understood- almost like having their mind read- is what I believe the best forms of rapport are.
I have patients/clients who ask whether I can seriously read minds, and most others who nod, nod and nod when I talk to them; and who say 'yes, that's EXACTLY how I feel. How did you know?'.
I think it's invaluable to have rapport, as I believe that people, at whatever conscious or unconscious a level, know when somoene's being insincere.

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Permalink Reply by Nathan Thomas on March 28, 2010 at 10:27pm

Hey John
Rapport is just a word or label, so naturally anyone can ascribe to it any definition they choose, and then complications arise when people start discussing totally different things under the same label.

Someone will probably come in with a dictionary definition, but I view rapport as an unconscious connection. In some ways this is actually compatable with your definition, it just goes a step further.

Rather than conscious attention, it's unconscious attention and focus, and the engagement with what the other person is saying.

Rapport doesn't need to be liking - other hypnotists use the metaphor of two people in a debate or even boxing, their undivided attention is upon each other at an unconscious level, despite the animosity between them.

I feel rapport is useful to hypnosis. I would call it important (but maybe not always essential), because if their unconscious is not focused on yours, then how, exactly, are you going to influence them unconscious?

Good discussion!
Cheers,
Nathan Thomas
The Persuasion Psychology

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on March 28, 2010 at 10:43pm

I see your point Henxy, but I was referring to it's importance to the hypnotic induction process, I guess that wasn't made prominent enough in my topic description, sorry.

John

Henxy said:

I don't think it has to be undivided attention. I think it's about being understood (rather than mimicked or apparently mocked, as clumsy mirroring can become).
To have someone believe/think/feel that they're totally understood- almost like having their mind read- is what I believe the best forms of rapport are.
I have patients/clients who ask whether I can seriously read minds, and most others who nod, nod and nod when I talk to them; and who say 'yes, that's EXACTLY how I feel. How did you know?'.
I think it's invaluable to have rapport, as I believe that people, at whatever conscious or unconscious a level, know when somoene's being insincere.

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Permalink Reply by John Cleesattel on March 28, 2010 at 10:44pm

Interesting take it on Nathan, thanks.


Nathan Thomas said:

Hey John
Rapport is just a word or label, so naturally anyone can ascribe to it any definition they choose, and then complications arise when people start discussing totally different things under the same label.

Someone will probably come in with a dictionary definition, but I view rapport as an unconscious connection. In some ways this is actually compatable with your definition, it just goes a step further.

Rather than conscious attention, it's unconscious attention and focus, and the engagement with what the other person is saying.

Rapport doesn't need to be liking - other hypnotists use the metaphor of two people in a debate or even boxing, their undivided attention is upon each other at an unconscious level, despite the animosity between them.

I feel rapport is useful to hypnosis. I would call it important (but maybe not always essential), because if their unconscious is not focused on yours, then how, exactly, are you going to influence them unconscious?

Good discussion!
Cheers,
Nathan Thomas
The Persuasion Psychology

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Henxy on March 28, 2010 at 10:46pm

Nathan Thomas said:

>Rapport is just a word or label, so naturally anyone can ascribe to it any definition they choose, and then complications arise when people start discussing totally different things under the same label.

Isn't that the whole point of stuff like a transderivational search? Nobody ever has exactly the same experience, and so what X means to them is different from what X means to the person next to them.

Most people will have a similar understanding of a simple concept; such as what the colour 'green' is. Just as an example; a colour blind person's perception of green can change when someone who isn't colour blind points out that the item they said was 'red' (they saw a shade of 'grey' and thought it was 'green'); and the person's perception of that item alters to become one which is 'green'.

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Permalink Reply by Duncan Murray on March 29, 2010 at 1:09am

Like the topic John - Rapport, I feel and was taught, is essential to the hypnotic process along with, an intertwined perception by the client of the therapist/hypnotist having empathy with their problem...i.e. understanding what the issue is and how the client feels about that issue...

Part of an Ericksonian approach is the 'yes-set' in building rapport and increasing the probability of a rapid therapeutic gain by the client. In building the yes-set you are more likely for your client to positively accept the next thing you say/suggest...rapport is far more (as Henxy suggests) than poor quality/clumsy mirroring...it is a subtle art-form of linguistics and non-verbal communication...

Personally I feel it is the keystone to therapy, if you don't develop and nurture that rapport there is nothing to hold together the rest of the therapy...no reason for the client to return to you...

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on March 29, 2010 at 1:57am

I was too!

John Cleesattel said:

I see your point Henxy, but I was referring to it's importance to the hypnotic induction process, I guess that wasn't made prominent enough in my topic description, sorry.

John

Henxy said:

I don't think it has to be undivided attention. I think it's about being understood (rather than mimicked or apparently mocked, as clumsy mirroring can become).
To have someone believe/think/feel that they're totally understood- almost like having their mind read- is what I believe the best forms of rapport are.
I have patients/clients who ask whether I can seriously read minds, and most others who nod, nod and nod when I talk to them; and who say 'yes, that's EXACTLY how I feel. How did you know?'.
I think it's invaluable to have rapport, as I believe that people, at whatever conscious or unconscious a level, know when somoene's being insincere.

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Permalink Reply by Licentious Maladay on March 29, 2010 at 2:12am

I guess I'm on the other side of the camp from you, John. I have found that if you have a sufficient level of rapport with someone, it's the induction that can become unnecessary. As Henxy says, if someone feels like you totally understood them, almost like having read their mind, you can make huge therapeutic gains long before you hypnotize them. Then your hypnotic session can be as simple as just cleaning up the loose emotional strands because you already have the conscious mind 100% on your side.

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Permalink Reply by Antoine Pruyssers on March 29, 2010 at 2:16am

I was under the impression that the rapport refered to in hypnosis can be described as Trust and Coherency

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Permalink Reply by Michael Ellner on March 29, 2010 at 4:06am

Hypnotic rapport is about getting a client to follow your instructions without thinking about it. Hypnotic rapport speaks to the QUALITY of the connection between the hypnotist and their client - It's like Henxy and other's have shared: When a client feels understood, appreciated and acknowledged they automatically become more cooperative and open to following the hypnotist's instructions without thinking about it. This by-pass is essential for effective hypnotic communication and influences how clients respond and/or react to the hypnotist's suggestions.

Example, Erickson met his patients where they were. He demonstrated that he got their model of their "problem" and the "world" and doing so created the space to help him help his patients re-write their maps which was the secret of his great success in helping his patients.

Michael E.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Krüger on March 29, 2010 at 5:16am

John, I think your definition is so, well, lax because your way of doing hypnosis, perhaps in combination with the way you interact with clients, almost automatically establishes the properties of rapport that everyone else is talking about.

Imagine doing a hypnosis session and acting and talking like the stereotypical bogus salesman. Do you imagine your techniques would work anyway?

To me, rapport is not really rocket science, but it's also not "just" attention. Perhaps, roughly speaking, it's about showing the other person that you can relate to them.

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Permalink Reply by Susan French on March 29, 2010 at 5:39am

I truly love you, John. You think about things. You ponder. You rethink. You're opening to learning. And at the top of your list of attributes are the ones I value most: common sense, the ability to think logically, and the willingness to consider that a line of thinking might be wrong. Couple that with your kindness and graciousness, how come you're not married? (Jest joshin').

I would add, though, being the major kinesthetic that I am, there is a feeling that happens when you're in rapport with someone and they with you. To me it feels like a mutually shared hypnosis experience where the rest of the world falls away and the sharing feeling of rapport seems as if there becomes a direct line of energy that connects you for those moments. Selected and focused attention I think people call it...phases I never completely understood logically...until I experienced in a kinesthetic way.

In fact, I would kind of guess that being in rapport, if measurable or 'seeable' neurologically and physiologically, rapport would look very similar to being in hypnosis. I think the undivided attention that accompanies can be a by-product or it can help to initiate the "condition" (for want of a better word).

Perhaps not unlike the feeling that charismatic people create: as if there is no one more important to that person than you: he speaks to you alone and there is no one else in the world.

Anyhow, I would add that rapport is what we feel when we're in love or loving someone. It is, in and of itself, extremely emotionally satisfying. I wouldn't be surprised if endorphins and oxytocin are released at those moments either.

Susan
www.hypno4success.com

Susan

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