Teen anger issues....

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Permalink Reply by Kent Fullarton on May 25, 2011 at 9:27am

Inner child? self forgiveness and move on. Look at Tom Silver's Emotion Replacement Thereapy and do non directive thereapy. We do not need to know what they are doing. Trust you client to do what is best for them. Not for us. Anger is not tough stuff to deal with. Spend most of your time hearing and only a little talking. Remember we never have their answers. They always have their answers. Help them find them, do not try and answer them for them. Take care, Kent.

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Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on May 25, 2011 at 4:47pm

Hi Nancy,

I really liked Kent's comments reminding us that our clients do have all the answers. I believe that in a case such as you have, it would be beneficial to challenge this "girl" to become a woman. I would do the inner child work and allow her to be the experienced and mature one, reminding her that she is a grownup now and as a grownup, she can take control of her emotions, her behavior, her life, in a responsible way.

Life happens to us all. We can sit and fester about the wrongs, or we can release our pain and move into the next, wonderful chapter of our lives. It sounds like you are the perfect person to help her move on.

Best wishes,

Kelley

 

PS ~ A protective shield would probably aid her in dealing with the family or any other source of perceived negativity. I'm attaching my version of it here.

Attachments:

• ProtectiveShield.docx, 17 KB

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Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on May 26, 2011 at 4:25am

Hello Nancy,

I have to say even though I don’t know you, your heart is in the right place.

 

There is no question that this young adult needs some help. Is she related to you, did she come asking for help for herself or is someone sending her to see you, and is she paying the bill?

 

Let’s assume she is not related to you, she is paying her own bill, and she comes to you and asks you…….(what is she asking for?).

 

The reason I want to put the pieces in perspective or order is to see what she wants and what you want for her.

 

It’s important to focus on what changes she wants or thinks she wants.

 

Of course accepting change is a major issue here, as it is for most people, and reassurance that survival and happiness often times looks different than the picture we hold on to, is also an important realization.

 

You say, “- she disobeyed house rules, slipped out in the middle of the night (not the first time) and was caught.  This was the final straw and caused a huge riff between she and her step dad ultimately resulting in her getting kicked out of the house.”

 

This is a huge lesson to learn from.

Our actions have consequences.

Life has never been what people call fair unless one believes in cause and effect, and then it is as fair as can be.

What life is, is good.

When we learn the patterns of how it functions, or the rules, we then get to apply them in what ever way we want our consequences to take us.

 

If her auto response is anger, she is lacking in options. She is in crisis mode, and crisis mode is a lack of options. Although it has seemed like anger has worked for her in the past, its effects no longer produce an outcome that is desired.

 

With her trust, ask her what she can try or do that will open a door to where she wants or needs to be today. And walk her through the process. She might say that she should apologize, then she would have to listen to what’s being said, and what will she do differently if they start reading her the riot act? This is where she starts telling you what her options are, as you guide her.

 

Life changes, if we can’t change with it, we start fighting a losing battle. There comes a time when people learn to start picking their battles and not let the battles pick us.

 

You have the right ideas, you have good tools, see your outcome and move in that direction.

 

Good luck,

Steve

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Permalink Reply by Nancy Last on May 26, 2011 at 9:24am

Thanks Kent - this is a good reminder of something we all need to keep in mind  :-)

Kent Fullarton said:

Spend most of your time hearing and only a little talking. Remember we never have their answers. They always have their answers. Help them find them, do not try and answer them for them.

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Permalink Reply by Nancy Last on May 26, 2011 at 9:27am

Thank you Kelley - I love the The Protective Shield process, thank you for sharing.  And I like the idea of challenging her to become a woman.

Kelley Woods said:

Hi Nancy,

I really liked Kent's comments reminding us that our clients do have all the answers. I believe that in a case such as you have, it would be beneficial to challenge this "girl" to become a woman. I would do the inner child work and allow her to be the experienced and mature one, reminding her that she is a grownup now and as a grownup, she can take control of her emotions, her behavior, her life, in a responsible way.

Life happens to us all. We can sit and fester about the wrongs, or we can release our pain and move into the next, wonderful chapter of our lives. It sounds like you are the perfect person to help her move on.

Best wishes,

Kelley

 

PS ~ A protective shield would probably aid her in dealing with the family or any other source of perceived negativity. I'm attaching my version of it here.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Nancy Last on May 26, 2011 at 9:31am

All good points Steve, thank you for your insight and support - No, she is not related.I take the responsibility of facilitating her healing very seriously.  She has great potential (as do we all) and I would love to see her realize her own power and worth.

Steve Andrade said:

Hello Nancy,

I have to say even though I don’t know you, your heart is in the right place.

 

There is no question that this young adult needs some help. Is she related to you, did she come asking for help for herself or is someone sending her to see you, and is she paying the bill?

 

Let’s assume she is not related to you, she is paying her own bill, and she comes to you and asks you…….(what is she asking for?).

 

The reason I want to put the pieces in perspective or order is to see what she wants and what you want for her.

 

It’s important to focus on what changes she wants or thinks she wants.

 

Of course accepting change is a major issue here, as it is for most people, and reassurance that survival and happiness often times looks different than the picture we hold on to, is also an important realization.

 

You say, “- she disobeyed house rules, slipped out in the middle of the night (not the first time) and was caught.  This was the final straw and caused a huge riff between she and her step dad ultimately resulting in her getting kicked out of the house.”

 

This is a huge lesson to learn from.

Our actions have consequences.

Life has never been what people call fair unless one believes in cause and effect, and then it is as fair as can be.

What life is, is good.

When we learn the patterns of how it functions, or the rules, we then get to apply them in what ever way we want our consequences to take us.

 

If her auto response is anger, she is lacking in options. She is in crisis mode, and crisis mode is a lack of options. Although it has seemed like anger has worked for her in the past, its effects no longer produce an outcome that is desired.

 

With her trust, ask her what she can try or do that will open a door to where she wants or needs to be today. And walk her through the process. She might say that she should apologize, then she would have to listen to what’s being said, and what will she do differently if they start reading her the riot act? This is where she starts telling you what her options are, as you guide her.

 

Life changes, if we can’t change with it, we start fighting a losing battle. There comes a time when people learn to start picking their battles and not let the battles pick us.

 

You have the right ideas, you have good tools, see your outcome and move in that direction.

 

Good luck,

Steve

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