Weight Management Issue. Venting and asking for advice.

I am just looking for some creative and new advice. I have been working with a gal whom I believed I was leading in a successful direction (she was originally so excited about her responsiveness to hypnosis) until about 3 weeks ago. We are having 1 weekly session at this point. We have an appt. tomorrow and she just emailed me to say that tomorrow was going to be our last session. “Maybe I was looking for something magical, I don't even know. But after trying to get off the last few pounds for years, it is just a matter of will power and smart choices. If hypnosis doesn't work, that was kind of my last frontier. It is not any easier now for me to pass up those evening snacks than it was 2 months ago when I started. It was difficult to say no then, and it is still difficult to say no. “
She has always admitted to disliking gyms and exercise so we have also dealt with motivation issues. Over the last two visits she admitted that she has coffee in the morning and doesn’t eat until dinner. She wasn’t admitting that in the beginning. No wonder she craves and overeats at night. I spoke to her about both of these topics and was just recently able to focus on the latter of the issues due to her lack of honesty with me. She was VERY resistant to the fact that she needs to keep her body fueled throughout the day. She just strongly stated that “I could never eat throughout the day or I would really be overweight!” I told her that apparently not eating wasn’t working for her or she wouldn’t be requiring assistance. I had already covered that topic back in the beginning of our session work and she opted to not tell me that was one of her major challenges. Now she is planning to quit after tomorrow and I am not sure how to speak to her to get her to move forward at this point or if she is just too resistant and I should let her go. I am feeling a bit sensitive this evening so I thought that I would vent. To have someone leave on that note (when I have had so many others succeed) only to say that hypnosis “didn’t work for them” happens to be bothering me this evening and I just thought I would see if anyone has anything that they think I should attempt to introduce on this “apparent” final session? Even some new parting words of wisdom in support of hypnosis would be appreciated. I will look for any feedback anyone has to offer up until 1PM tomorrow (Wed.) and even then I am sure that I will appreciate your feedback after the fact.

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Permalink Reply by Doreen Cohanim C.Ht on July 30, 2009 at 2:33am

Bingo Melissa,

75% of my clients that came for weight loss, they had an eating disorder, therefor I agree that they use weight as an excuse.

All the best, Doreen Cohanim C.Ht

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Permalink Reply by James Malone on July 30, 2009 at 2:35am

Julia, you sound like a very compassionate individual with high professional standards and integrity, hence your disappointment with how this person had a less than stellar result.

I would agree with what the other posters said here and would add that your client may have a broader issue of not being able to follow positive direction-which is what you provide. And this is not a problem encountered only encountered by certified hypnosis professionals either, it happens with people who provide medical/psychological/financial/ legal advice too.

Why some folks persist with harmful patterns of immature defiance is a mystery. Parts or regression work may help, it may not if the person is not amenable at this time. I have encountered a few clients like this over the years too. That's why on my website and other promotional materials its made clear that I am interested in "helping people who want to help themselves" in part to deter those with poor attitudes and expectations from seeking my services in the first place.

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Permalink Reply by James Malone on July 30, 2009 at 2:39am

Dave, that is hysterical, is it an original creation of yours?

David Mason said:

Take a deep breath.... think green thoughts.... calm.... peaceful.... breathing gently... .

and now......

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of silver notes.

The water is crystal clear. So clear,

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now, feeling better?

Dave Mason
www.hypknowsis.com

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Permalink Reply by Julia Mueller on July 31, 2009 at 2:50pm

Thank you James, I actually do use those suggestions with my clients and normally with lots of success!. Congratulations to you for successfully managing your weight! That is great and very admirable.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Cameron (Poodle) on August 1, 2009 at 11:03am

Hi Julia, weight loss (management) can be a tough issue. We do not have magic wands so we need to make the magic some place else. I start out like Milton with an "ordeal" and that ordeal is MONEY.

No motivation for exercise, huh? A friend of mine wrote a book, "The Rainbow Machine" by Andrew Austin and in that little book is a chapter entitled "Heaviness". I promise you that it will get anyone moving. In fact, during the patter the client is unable to sit still in the chair and wiggling all over the place. This alone will make a client lose weight. (You can probably find it used on Amazon or equiv.) If there is some favorite food/candy they cannot stop, I change it disgustingly. Do clients mess up between sessions? Yes. Go back to rule No. 1 - The Client is never wrong even when totally wrong so I go into a little metaphor in trance about those little iRoboi vacuums in that when it hits a wall or someplace that it cannot proceed, it backs up and finds another way to get get back on the correct track and do it's job. I also suggest healthy, unpackaged food. You may wish to take a look at "Magic In Action" by Bandler as in the back he has some fabulous suggestions for building healthy compulsions. (Probably also on Amazon)

Everything we do or don't do is based on a strategy. You need to teach the "Slender Eating Strategy" - Check stomach for hunger: What do I want to eat that will satisfy my hunger and allow me to feel healthy and energized 30 minutes from now? Imagine food choices that will satisfy feeling and taste good too. Check stomach for food choice anchor, Fire Anchor of FEELING GREAT, let's eat. Please do not load up on the water as that can totally mess with electrolytes.

Hope some of this helps!
Be well~Marjforie

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Permalink Reply by Julia Mueller on August 1, 2009 at 2:30pm

I really appreciate your suggestions and will get my hands on those books!
It is refreshing hearing new ideas. We all have alot to learn from each other.

Marjorie Cameron (Poodle) said:

Hi Julia, weight loss (management) can be a tough issue. We do not have magic wands so we need to make the magic some place else. I start out like Milton with an "ordeal" and that ordeal is MONEY.

No motivation for exercise, huh? A friend of mine wrote a book, "The Rainbow Machine" by Andrew Austin and in that little book is a chapter entitled "Heaviness". I promise you that it will get anyone moving. In fact, during the patter the client is unable to sit still in the chair and wiggling all over the place. This alone will make a client lose weight. (You can probably find it used on Amazon or equiv.) If there is some favorite food/candy they cannot stop, I change it disgustingly. Do clients mess up between sessions? Yes. Go back to rule No. 1 - The Client is never wrong even when totally wrong so I go into a little metaphor in trance about those little iRoboi vacuums in that when it hits a wall or someplace that it cannot proceed, it backs up and finds another way to get get back on the correct track and do it's job. I also suggest healthy, unpackaged food. You may wish to take a look at "Magic In Action" by Bandler as in the back he has some fabulous suggestions for building healthy compulsions. (Probably also on Amazon)

Everything we do or don't do is based on a strategy. You need to teach the "Slender Eating Strategy" - Check stomach for hunger: What do I want to eat that will satisfy my hunger and allow me to feel healthy and energized 30 minutes from now? Imagine food choices that will satisfy feeling and taste good too. Check stomach for food choice anchor, Fire Anchor of FEELING GREAT, let's eat. Please do not load up on the water as that can totally mess with electrolytes.

Hope some of this helps!
Be well~Marjforie

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Permalink Reply by Julia Mueller on August 2, 2009 at 3:54am

Thank you James. No, I do not pre judge. Weight loss/management can be very difficult and is very much like an onion with many layers that oftentimes need to be peeled away. I appreciate that you can truly understand first hand.
Julia

James Szeles said:

They may say it's a eating disorder because they do not understand why they eat. I had lost 100 lbs of more four times in my life only to put it back on. I know I was eating myself to death but still could not stop. Many over weight people eat to fill a need they think food will fill. Saying that they use weight as an excuse is like saying a batter women has it coming because they did not leave the person doing the damage the first time and wanted the pain. Very few things in life are cut and dry. Always try to keep an open mind when dealing with any problem and try not to pre judge people.
Just my two cents.
James

Doreen Cohanim C.Ht said:
Bingo Melissa,

75% of my clients that came for weight loss, they had an eating disorder, therefor I agree that they use weight as an excuse.

All the best, Doreen Cohanim C.Ht

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Permalink Reply by Michael Haifleigh on August 2, 2009 at 4:17am

Julia,

Did the "final" session take place?
What happened?
How did it go?

Michael

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Permalink Reply by Henxy on August 2, 2009 at 11:34pm

Yes- I am also wondering what happened with this client.

My take on the situation is that the client may be performing an abdication. This is why the idea of gastric bands/liposuction can be so attractive: the client has a quick fix that someone else does FOR or TO them.

I've lost count of the number of people who've asked me 'can you MAKE me...' do whatever/stop whatever. There isn't much taking responsibility on their part for their actions. Actions always have consequences. This is why the diet scheme that gets people to photograph the food that they eat (as opposed to merely writing it down) is effective with many. It makes them realise what they are putting in their body (and much as I can't stand much of Gillian McKeith's approach, I do see the value in placing all the food someone eats per day in front of them at once).

It sounds like this client wanted hypnotherapy to be that magic cure for her; to MAKE her stop the habits she had formed.

Remember, it is rarely personal. The client who is ecstatic that you have helped them and seems to worship you is the same one who lashes out and decides that both hypnotherapy and you are no use!

Sometimes, it is better to let a client go than to struggle to keep them and change them when they are not ready.

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Permalink Reply by Julia Mueller on August 4, 2009 at 9:18am

Yes, the final session (for now) did take place. I reminded her the Hypnosis works 100% of the time but...sometimes the client doesn't. Had I have known the truth about her poor eating habits I would have handled our session work quite differently. I went over all of her notes with her which also reminded her that despite her lack of honesty, she was extremely happy with her progress until her second to last session when she was honest about her eating habits and putting herself into statvation mode on a daily basis. I just informed her that until she was willing to change her eating habits, allowing herself to treat her body with the respect it deserves by keeping it fueled throughout the day, she was not going to change the outcome.

Thanks to all of you for the ongoing discussion. HypnoThoughts is a wonderful resource and I appreciate hearing from all of you.
Julia

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Permalink Reply by Julia Mueller on August 4, 2009 at 9:21am

James,
I was just reviewing all of the posts and somehow I had missed this one from you. Thank you for your thoughtful response. What you say is so true and I can very much appreciate it.
Julia

James Malone said:

Julia, you sound like a very compassionate individual with high professional standards and integrity, hence your disappointment with how this person had a less than stellar result.

I would agree with what the other posters said here and would add that your client may have a broader issue of not being able to follow positive direction-which is what you provide. And this is not a problem encountered only encountered by certified hypnosis professionals either, it happens with people who provide medical/psychological/financial/ legal advice too.

Why some folks persist with harmful patterns of immature defiance is a mystery. Parts or regression work may help, it may not if the person is not amenable at this time. I have encountered a few clients like this over the years too. That's why on my website and other promotional materials its made clear that I am interested in "helping people who want to help themselves" in part to deter those with poor attitudes and expectations from seeking my services in the first place.