What do you think?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Steve Andrade on June 28, 2011 at 5:06am

Hi James,

I love this question to a client.

 

How will you know when you have reached your goal to stop drinking alcoholic beverages? (the term “stop drinking” can cause internal conflict and be used as an excuse to not stop drinking, because we need to drink water in order to survive).

 

His answer will force him to see himself as one who has reached his goal.

Get him to describe to you what he sees or feels hears smells, ask him to see, “that” life through his eyes and describe to you what he sees.

 

Then ask him how he got there, (work backwards). What were the steps he had to take in order to reach his goal? And he doesn’t have to say them out loud, sometimes just the mind frame puts the answers in his unconscious mind, but pause and give him time, you should see him working on it.

 

This forces the mind to start pulling up the things, or its own suggestions that it is capable of and willing to do. Use those as suggestions for him. If he does not verbally recite, you can just as well refer to the positive healthy ways that he saw himself achieve his goal.

 

Yes, there are many issues one can focus on, on why we drink, or why we need to drink, or why we need to escape. I believe when we are ready to seek help, we are ready to understand new ways of coping, ready to learn new patterns of living.

 

I believe, (and this is a personal belief), that when we are asked to go back and to try and figure out why we are doing what we now want to stop, that, that reason is a solution for more situations than a specific one that we are attempting to alter.

 

By focusing on the solution to what we want to change, it is just going to alter part of the original solution that may have caused the problem in the first place, the part that we are dealing with. So instead of trying to fix a whole slough of problems in order to accomplish a specific task, we only focus on fixing one thing, or one thing at a time.

 

Sometimes life seems easier that way.

 

In my training, it was suggested that we work along side programs that are focused exclusively for over coming addictions.

 

I know the direction you are taking is different from what I am writing here, it’s just a different way of getting a positive result. I agree removing the stress that seems to be the cause can work, but there will always be stress, it is how we learn to cope with stress that is important, teaching him ways of coping or even better, seeing life, is hugely important.

 

How ever the drinking after-work started, it becomes a pattern. It gets labeled as things like, “it helps me relax, or I deserve a drink after the day I had, …..whatever the reasons, altering the pattern with an open mind for learning can also be helpful.

 

Again, I would ask him how he can alter the pattern, you can even give him an example so he understands how to alter the pattern, and you don’t have to use the word pattern, but an example would be, pouring the first glass of wine down the drain, or using a shot glass to drink, or mixing in tasks, (not driving), in between glasses, or drinking with the other hand……..what ever the pattern alteration is, it is not the cure, it is merely showing that the pattern can be changed and who has that control.

Once the pattern is interrupted, it is like scattering all the pieces of the puzzle, now you can rearrange puzzle, take stuff out, add new stuff in.

Good luck.

Steve

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kelley Woods on June 28, 2011 at 5:23am

Hi James,

I love Steve's pattern alteration ideas; in addition, I will tell a client to move physical items in his house if that is where the unwanted behavior occurs. For example, if he sits in a particular chair while he drinks his wine, he can relocate that chair, or a side table upon which he rests the glass.

I have found that using a swish pattern is useful for changing this type of behavior. Clients usually substitute the alcohol drinking with some relaxing or enjoyable activity. In addition to the well known NLP swish,  I also like this version

You might contact Richard Nongard; he recently shared a recording on this topic which was excellent. And, he's coming to Seattle in November to teach us all about using hypnosis for drug/alcohol addiction!

Best wishes,

Kelley

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by James Faulkner on July 2, 2011 at 12:20pm

Thank you Steve and Kelly for your replies. A lot of information for me to work with very much appreciated.

The person had one session with me and has cancelled the next. He may re- book we will have to see.
James

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Patricia V. Scott on July 2, 2011 at 1:00pm

Generally, I require a 6-session commitment (pre-paid) to work with this.  At the beginning of your post, you say he wants to “stop drinking”, then later you mention doing things to “help him cut down on drinking”.  Motivation needs to be very strong with these kinds of goals, and I believe it’s very important to maintain an attitude that projects the inevitability of his ultimate goal. (You may already be doing this, but thought it was worth noting.)  6 sessions offer plenty of space to develop stress-reducing skills, self-hypnosis skills, and behavioral/habit changes.  I start with stress reduction, then usually by about the 3^rd or 4^th session they are ready to address any deeper issues using Parts Therapy, Time Line, or other techniques designed to bring out any limiting beliefs, fears, doubts, resentments, etc., that may have been in the way of their success in the past.  It is important for him to know how the drinking has been serving him, and replace it with something healthy/positive that can serve the same need(s).  Lots of re-framing and pattern interrupts are helpful and I teach clients to do these between sessions.  This is very empowering for the client.  Hope this is helpful.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Graham Old on July 2, 2011 at 11:01pm

Are you familiar with Motivational Interviewing?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Fable Goodman on July 3, 2011 at 12:37am

James Faulkner said:

The person had one session with me and has cancelled the next. He may re- book we will have to see.
James

We will have to see! I agree.
Do not chase him.
It is so common for this to happen.
Perhaps he expected that hypnosis would 'make him' stop drinking. (not likely to happen without his full commitment to do so anyway).
Perhaps he wanted to 'try' hypnosis, so that he could then say, well I have even tried hypnosis, and that didn't work, so I guess I'll just carry on drinking.
This is a long term project, and if he is not committed to doing what is neccesary to sort it out, then it will be an even longer project.
I don't ask for money up front for a number of sessions. I do like to leave the power in the client's hands. But I do make it clear what the reasonable expectations are regarding hypnosis to 'help the person stick to the decision that they have made' It is essential (in my opinion) that they make their own 'clear and committed decision' about what they are going to do. And that they commit to doing that regardless of how well they think the hypnosis is working.
Work on coping better with life's stresses, boredom, frustrations, etc so that they deal with any situation more calmly, relaxedly and confidently, is fundamental, but without their commitment, nothing is going to work.
If he should come back... encourage him to be clear about the outcome. (it sounds as though that has not happened yet.)
does he want to stop drinking alltogether? does he want to cut down, and regain his previous balance? Is he prepared to make the change anyway? (with or without hypnosis) or is he only prepared to change 'if the hypnosis works'.
Basically sometimes people need to be told "shit or get off the pot"

 

Lve and hugs,

 

Lawrie Shaw

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by James Faulkner on August 3, 2011 at 11:47am

Fable Goodman said:

James Faulkner said:

The person had one session with me and has cancelled the next. He may re- book we will have to see.
James

We will have to see! I agree.
Do not chase him.
It is so common for this to happen.
Perhaps he expected that hypnosis would 'make him' stop drinking. (not likely to happen without his full commitment to do so anyway).
Perhaps he wanted to 'try' hypnosis, so that he could then say, well I have even tried hypnosis, and that didn't work, so I guess I'll just carry on drinking.
This is a long term project, and if he is not committed to doing what is neccesary to sort it out, then it will be an even longer project.
I don't ask for money up front for a number of sessions. I do like to leave the power in the client's hands. But I do make it clear what the reasonable expectations are regarding hypnosis to 'help the person stick to the decision that they have made' It is essential (in my opinion) that they make their own 'clear and committed decision' about what they are going to do. And that they commit to doing that regardless of how well they think the hypnosis is working.
Work on coping better with life's stresses, boredom, frustrations, etc so that they deal with any situation more calmly, relaxedly and confidently, is fundamental, but without their commitment, nothing is going to work.
If he should come back... encourage him to be clear about the outcome. (it sounds as though that has not happened yet.)
does he want to stop drinking alltogether? does he want to cut down, and regain his previous balance? Is he prepared to make the change anyway? (with or without hypnosis) or is he only prepared to change 'if the hypnosis works'.
Basically sometimes people need to be told "shit or get off the pot"

 

Lve and hugs,

 

Lawrie Shaw

 

Thanks for your reply makes sense thank you.

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by James Faulkner on August 3, 2011 at 11:48am

Thank you for your reply's it has been help full.

 

• ▶ Reply

▶ Reply to Discussion