What to do when your client goes into regression but doesn't want to reframe...

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Permalink Reply by Marilyn Buchanan on August 17, 2009 at 11:52am

I would suggest you have her put her father in a chair out in front of her, then dialogue with him. She tells him how she feels then have her get into her father's body and answer her. Let her go back and forth until she is satisfied. It is amazing sometimes what the superconscious will come up with. She may find the answers she seeks.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Cameron (Poodle) on August 17, 2009 at 12:17pm

Do you know any basic NLP to work on anger issues? If you do, establish an hot anger button on one knee and a calm and serene button on the other knee after the states have been elicited. Contiually go back and forth between the knee anchors so that eventually the anger anchor will not fire as it is totally overridden by the calm, serene anchor.

I'm not really sure I would trust the SC of a 3 year old. You know that SC can be very difficult in giving up some of it's secrets.

You could also address this with Time Line Therapy.

Be well~Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Alicia Fairclough on August 17, 2009 at 12:55pm

Thank you all so much for the speedy responses; I really appreciate it. I believe Rick makes a valuable point in that the purpose of the process is in fact to heal not to excuse and this is something for the client to consider. I have been doing Parts Therapy with this particular client and there are still Parts that do not want to let go of the anger that we are working with, she just seems somewhat resistant to change which is my main concern.

I'm also considering 'The Red Balloon Technique' (D. Corydon Hammond). If anyone has used this and has any advice it is more than welcome.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Haifleigh on August 17, 2009 at 4:58pm

Alicia,

Most of my thoughts seem to show up as questions:

A note about these questions: I’m not asking for answers to the questions here.
I’m offering the questions as an opportunity to explore the most valuable resource you have to work with.

Was the regression planned or spontaneous?

What is an anger issue? Does that mean the client doesn’t want to experience anger about something that she is experiencing anger over/about?

What is: letting go of the source of the problem?

Did you offer the reframe? What was it? Where did it come from?

Did you acknowledged, verbally and non-verbally, your full acceptance of and legitimacy of the anger the client is experiencing?

Does the client realize that sometimes she is probably not angry?

One possible take on reframing: they don’t work when they don’t “fit” (imagine trying to put together mismatched puzzle pieces) the context of the person/client.


Namaste,
(with reverence to you)
(love, integrity, wisdom, and peace)

Michael

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Permalink Reply by Joe K Fobes on August 17, 2009 at 5:28pm

Cal Banyan has an article "the 10 keys to forgiveness" give it a google, it's well worth the effort and it might just solve your problem here.

Joe

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Permalink Reply by Alicia Fairclough on August 17, 2009 at 7:28pm

Thank you all so much. I'm getting a lot of ideas from everyones input.

I have just returned from another session with this particular client and did some very successful Parts Therapy with her as well as some very good positive anger affirmations (re: having control over your emotions, taking responsibility for them, techniques for calmness etc...).

There is a 'part' of her that is holding onto the anger because anger had proved successful for her on a very significant occasion when she was much younger.

So now I'm basically doing a 2 week trial period with her and 'the part', meaning that the part has agreed to a 2 week trial compromise.

Thank you for the questions Michael... It gave me some very significant points to consider.

Much appreciated everyone :-)

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Permalink Reply by Susan French on August 18, 2009 at 7:27am

Hi,

Adrian's advice is really good from a technique standpoint, I think.

However, I've had a lot of clients who refuse to forgive (the unforgiveable). I've been through a whole long discussion on other groups about the fact that I believe that you can't "get" someone to "forgive" if they aren't ready and I, personally, do not always think it appropriate. I know the old saw about "forgiveness being for the client not for the offender" and all of that. I researched and researched on forgiveness (especially for the unforgiveable, since I get so many clients which those kinds of issues) and got basically nowhere.

I believe that forgiveness is an emotion like love, hate, anger and the rest. I don't think you can just decide to forgive. It's an emotional process involving acceptance of that which happened, is no longer happening today, and then disconnecting from it emotionally.

I finally began to switch to the idea of "acceptance" and that works better for my clients. If forgiveness can be elicited, great! If not, you can't beat it into someone just because you think it's the right thing to do. Forgiveness is not so black and white, in my opinion.

After you've gotten the client to "accept that the event happened," "that it was in the past and now is now" and so on, Adrian's suggestions are perfect.

I hope that makes sense and is of value to your question.

Susan
www.hypno4success.com/blog

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Permalink Reply by Roy Hunter on August 18, 2009 at 10:51am

I have two ideas...

First, you may ask a client to either "forgive without condoning" OR "release that person from the apology that he used to owe you..."

Second, if the client believes in God (or a Higher Power), you may use parts therapy and call out that part of the inner mind that is most closely connected to God (or the client's Higher Power) and ask for words of wisdom.

Note that there are other excellent suggestions in this thread.

Roy Hunter, M.S., FAPHP
www.royhunter.com


Alicia Fairclough said:

Thank you all so much. I'm getting a lot of ideas from everyones input.

I have just returned from another session with this particular client and did some very successful Parts Therapy with her as well as some very good positive anger affirmations (re: having control over your emotions, taking responsibility for them, techniques for calmness etc...).

There is a 'part' of her that is holding onto the anger because anger had proved successful for her on a very significant occasion when she was much younger.

So now I'm basically doing a 2 week trial period with her and 'the part', meaning that the part has agreed to a 2 week trial compromise.

Thank you for the questions Michael... It gave me some very significant points to consider.

Much appreciated everyone :-)

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Permalink Reply by Kathleen Hanover on August 18, 2009 at 2:08pm

I used to have enormous problems with the concept of forgiveness, because it did seem to let "the perp" off the hook somehow. I thought that by forgiving someone, I was saying that what he did to me was okay or somehow acceptable. Almost like forgiveness equalled approval, or meant I condoned the things he had done to me.

So not forgiving "the perp" was really, really important to me. I thought I had to stay enraged or it meant I was okay with what happened.

The one think that turned it around for me was something I heard or read somewhere. It was so funny and absurd at the same time, that it really snapped things into focus for me.

I had suffered from all the rage-related illnesses (insomnia, heartburn, headaches, etc.) so carrying that crap around was destroying me from the inside out. Then I heard the magic phrase, "being angry at someone is like your drinking poison, and hoping they will die."

Forgiveness has zero to do with the other person. It is 100% about her and the quality of her life. Allowing anger to control her is allowing the dead past to reach into the present and steal it from her. She totally deserves better than that for herself. She is worthy of forgiveness for not being able to forgive. :)

It's very possible her suffering comes from the difference between reality and what she thinks reality should be. (She can fight reality all she wants, but it will win 100% of the time.) It is her thoughts about what shouldn't have happened (but what did happen) that cause her to suffer, not what happened.

I love, love, love The Work of Byron Katie. It's a very simple, easy, and transformative process of inquiry that helps people examine the thoughts that make them suffer, and quickly (and easily) release them. It was instrumental in helping me forgive and move on from a bad period in my life. And everything you need to do The Work is right there on her website, totally free.

Here's a great video of Byron Katie doing The Work with a woman who's upset at her.... (This is even funnier if you read about The Work first so you know what's going on.)

Hope this helps.

Kathleen
Client, HypnoFan, Hypnotic Marketer
@KathleenHanover on Twitter

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Permalink Reply by Alicia Fairclough on August 18, 2009 at 3:29pm

So many valuable suggestions... Greatly appreciated and I look forward to putting them in place. I'll keep you posted,

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Permalink Reply by David Snyder on August 18, 2009 at 9:20pm

Hi Alicia,

Use a technique called chair therapy. Many times a client will NOT allow any form of healing to take place until the emotion has been vented. You can do this through a controlled release of the anger or with the chair therapy technique. I haven't found many techniques that are as effective at long term resolution and anger release as chair therapy.

If you aren't familiar with the technique Jerry Kein has some great videos that feature the chair for use in regression therapy. I use it extensively in my work because I deal with a lot of emotionally induced organic illness.

Hope that helps you. An angry patient will resist any type of closure work until all of the anger and/or other emotions have been vented. Its just the way the unconscious works.

Hope that helps you.

Sincerely,

David Snyder L.Ac., MAOM, C.Ht.

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Permalink Reply by Damian Hamill on August 19, 2009 at 12:17am

What is the presenting problem and what was the reason for utilising regression with this client? What "answers" is the regressed child seeking? Such in formation could perhaps help us formulate useful perspectives.

Thanks.
Damian

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