Filling Your Basket

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Filling Your Basket
By Roger Moore, Ph.D.
Hypnosis Health Info


Have you ever noticed that you are wanting for something...like something is missing? You know, more food, a cigarette, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, a new car, new boy friend, new girl friend, new spouse, new boat, new house...... And then, when you get it, you feel satisfied for a while, but then you want more, or you want something else. You may recognize it as a feeling of hunger, anxiety, restlessness, nervousness, anger or maybe as fear. Some people know it as the clenched fist feeling in the chest, the upset stomach, the sore neck or back, the migraine headache or other dis-ease.

It's as if most of us are going through life with an empty basket that we are trying to fill. We buy the new toy or clothes, which seemingly fills our basket, and we feel excited for few days, maybe even weeks. Yet, that wanting or emptiness begins to eat away at us, that feeling like something is missing...that there is more available to us. So then we try to find something else to fill us, to make us complete. Still, we feel empty.

I see this repeatedly with individuals and couples struggling with issues such as depression, stress or relationships. Somewhere a couple meets, they have fun with each other, they talk, they share...they fall head over heels in "love." Each partner is getting some unfulfilled need met, getting something put into their basket. It feels wonderful. But then after awhile, something about this person begins to bug us. So, we try to change them and they often do change to be more what we want them to be....and we do the same thing, we change to please them. We give up a part of ourselves to fit their expectations of us. One day, one or both of the couple realize the unhappiness that they have created in the relationship. Each has given up important parts of themselves. We wonder what happened to the person with whom we fell in love. Sometimes we run from this relationship to a new one and start all over again: using the same old methods that have not worked to get a different result.

You see, when we are in a relationship based on our own neediness, it takes more and more to satisfy us. The relationship is like any other dependency. It's as if our basket has no bottom...it's an empty hole. When we keep taking from the relationship it's not long before there is nothing left to take and we are still empty. It does not work to be looking to people or things outside ourselves to make us happy, to make us feel loved, to meet our needs. We are just increasing our wanting and our sense of lack.

Often, I find that people focus on one aspect of their lives to be happy. Physically, they may have great jobs, they may have lots of money, they may have great muscular bodies. Mentally, they may be constantly learning, reading, discovering new wonders in life, and going to school. Emotionally, they may have close friends and maybe even a seemingly great relationship. Spiritually, they may regularly worship God and try to "do" a spiritual life or try and achieve forgiveness. These are all outward ways that we try to meet our needs, that we try to fill our baskets. Each of these can go a long way toward a better life and are great activities in and of themselves. Nevertheless, all the money in the world won't make us happy. All the education will not eliminate the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. Friends and relationships don't take away the loneliness when we are alone. And all the good deeds will not bring us peace in our hearts and souls. Even people who seemingly have it all are often searching for something more to fill their baskets.

The only way to fill our basket is to fill it ourselves. We will never have enough money or a good enough body if we aren't enough just as we are. We will never have positive thinking if we believe that we aren't enough. We will never be happy if we believe that we are unworthy of love and happiness. God's forgiveness will never be enough if we do not believe that we are forgivable.

Abundance starts within us, with our baskets full and overflowing. A healthy relationship exists in our overflow, not in our neediness. It's in our abundance, our mutual giving where we love unconditionally, where we can love and not worry if we are loved back. Abundance starts when we accept God's forgiveness by forgiving ourselves. When we are forgivable, we can love ourselves, have affirming mental self-talk and give gentle care to our bodies and environment.

If we want physical riches, we must see ourselves as abundant. If we want tranquility, we must be at peace in our minds. If we want love, we must be loving. And if we want forgiveness, we must be forgiving.

Roger Moore is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Hypnotherapist
Hypnosis Health Info