sos for my pain and dis-ease

I am only 44 years old female and retired early as a Paramedic to take care of my Mom full time. I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Lupus and since my Moms passing in home hospice my health continues to take a downward spiral. I have not tried NLP or Hypno. ... but just about everything else. My body was once so strong - and I even completed all of my Firefighter Levels I and II for the state of Wisconsin. Today... even though my illness (dis-ease) is invisible and no one can tell I am even sick... I am in chronic daily pain (bed-ridden for weeks @ a time) on Rxs I never would have thought to take at the peak of my health.... I was even a personal trainer and only 125 lbs stronger then most of my male comrades - Today (I have had a lot of misfortune... lost my Mom, one of my two sister/littermates Golden Retriever- (therapy dogs) she passed 2 months after my Mom (Vet said from depression of my Mom), my home due to flood and quarry damage (destroyed) not to mention my son is in the Army/Airborne Infantry and has been stationed in Iraq... He is also my only child and I did not even have a chance to "empty-nest" due to the fact my Mother was in our home-hospice and needed allot of attention.

I am looking to talk to anyone out there who may be able to help! This has been the most humiliating thing I have ever gone through.... I was always the caretaker and now I am the patient. I have also built up a great resume... including "crisis-intervention" and have always been able to help the Firefighters and Paramedics through CSD - as the Director of Education/Training for our company and the Trauma Life Support Coordinator for Wisconsin. I have truly been humbled having to live with my younger sister and her husband..... and even though I am under the care of several physicians my body is deteriorating everyday. Even though I have lived with chronic pain since the age of 18... I have never felt so awful in all my life. I am currently almost embarrassed to say I am on my Medicare and under full disability. I have had a sever case of a staph infections (my MD's still don't know if it is skin MRSA or MASA... either way for the last to years my invisible illness showed up as skin lesions and went systemic. After months of healing my external wounds (All closed and treating/preventing) my body is still in so much pain (my long bones and blood through my entire body) feel like someone lit me on fire and I only get a few breaks at the peak of my Rx's. I am not giving up hope (in fact my I would like to name my next Thera;y/Service dog Hope) but in truth it is a daily struggle with lots and lots of prayers!

I am a totally different person... If you see my Facebook pics you can see how much I enjoyed life and now it takes every ounce of energy just to walk my surviving Golden Retriever (my angel wrapped up in fur)... just to take her to the mail box. She also developed MRSA secondary to me and her outward wounds matched mine... I felt she was trying to take the illness away from me... so I had a long talk with her and had her let it go, and with a little alternative medicine and tele-touch - she is now doing great. She is however 11 years old and I am trying to prepare by enjoying every second I have with her. Now you all might be thinking - I need to practice what I preach - and you are all prob. correct... I have always been a highly/naturally sensitive person and always wanted to take the pain away from not just my patients... but all of their family members and pets as well... as they may have had to watch us code a patient - I always took time to find their pet prior to them passing (if poss) just to say ... See you later (not good bye) :O} I now believe I have to release all 20 years of trying to the pain away from others (unconsciously)... but their is a lot sh#! I have seen in the inner city of Milwaukee, WI not to mention within my own family.

Thank you so much for letting me vent a little... and reading this long, drawn out message - but I have excepted the fact their are truly awesome people out their that may be able to help me in ways my MD's and myself can not. I truly will pay it foreward... so if I get to the point of good health again... I will be able to learn the tech. of NLP and Hypnosis and once again be able to teach. So by helping me get to the point of "paying in forward" only God knows how many others you would be helping through me. (anyway that is my long term goal) for now my MD's keep telling me the only job I have now is to help myself heal. I really think a support group like yours is the piece of the puzzle I need :)

Thanks again for listening,

Pat Micklitz (I am listed on Facebook with the same name)

e-mail   patontheback11@yahoo.com