But Where Does the Money Go?

This is the sixth of a series of eight articles I’ll be writing on the eight great money habits I encourage in my students and my clients.

Today’s thought is “Know Where Your Money is Going.”

I bring my mother up often when working on these articles. It’s amazing the amount of incredibly good advice she gave me, and I am not shy about crediting her with forging the basis of my personal approach to finance. I can’t honestly say that there weren’t times I thought she was over the top, exaggerating, or just plain wrong, but that doesn’t obscure the fact that her efforts were intended to have a positive effect, and they have.

One of her habits used to drive me crazy, though. I couldn’t go through a day of school without being required to give a readout on who was there, how they were acting, who they talked to , and what they were wearing. This third degree was given after church (if I went without her), as we drove down the street, or after attending some function. Drove me nuts. I was expected to memorize and recite every detail she hit me with. This did extend to what little money I had, and what I did with it. Believe me when I tell you that I could account for every penny I earned through babysitting or delivering newspapers. (She would drive me when it rained, for which I remain eternally grateful – I hated collecting the money for the papers, though. I never got enough tips to make it worth the effort, in my opinion.)

But then, I moved away and went to college, and held two part time jobs, a full time job, paid for school, my car, my insurance, my apartment, my food, my books, and the occasional entertainment. That hurt. That hurt a lot. Every penny was accounted for. If I didn’t, I was out of luck. I had to know, at any minute, exactly how much money I had, and how much I needed to put away to pay for school. There was more than one week that the choice of five dollars spending money meant either food or gas. Gas always won. When things would get really desperate, Mom would give me a brown paper bag with a half full jar of peanut butter, an opened box of spaghetti, a loaf of bread, or a half-eaten box of cookies. I realized later that by cleaning out the pantry, she could say that she wasn’t buying food for me, and could rationalize it all away. Pretty sneaky stuff! After I moved to my last apartment in Trenton, NJ, and quit the part time jobs, she let me do my laundry at home, too. It wasn’t so much that I complained about the cost at Laundromats, but I really felt unsafe in any of the Laundromats near where I lived.

Still, I felt pressured. Money had me worried constantly. I needed to get my sense of security back. I began keeping a Cash Diary. In it, I documented everything I spent, until it became second nature to simply know precisely what I had spent and what I had not. From paycheck to paycheck, day to day, moment to moment, I knew exactly where each dime went. This suited the OCD need of mine for control, but it was missing something. So, I expanded my Cash Diary. In it, I also kept track of day, time, mood, and rationale for the expenditure. Once a week, I would reorganize the data by different categories, based on type of expenditures, moods that accompanied purchases, times of day and days of the week (it’s a really good thing I like using spreadsheets as databases!). Eventually, I was able to identify bad habits, and once I realized I had bad money habits, they became easy to break.

Since I was already using spreadsheets, I started keeping track of my monthly bills, too. These, I organized by type: utilities, insurance, rent, groceries, tuition, gas, etc. It became immediately apparent that I could plan for my expenditures and have complete control over my planning. I also discovered that if I went back and updated my guesses in the spreadsheet when an actual bill came in, I could refine my guesses and plan even more efficiently.

This isn’t to say that I didn’t continue to have my bad weeks, or that everything worked perfectly every time. I will tell you, though, I must have learned something about the reality of the Law of Attraction during this time of my life. Other than one time about twenty years ago, I have had no money issues that I couldn’t handle. Always, every time, a solution that I could live with presented itself. Until recently, though, that process was actually automatic. Because I knew I would never have lack, because I knew there would always be a solution, there always was.

I’m chuckling, reading that last sentence. Knowing is simple, once you’re there, but until you get there, it’s just a habit you’re trying to create. So, when I’ve figured out the trick, I’ll let you know. Of course, if you figure it out first, tell the rest of us. But while you’re trying to figure out that easy road to prosperity, health, longevity or that perfect ski run, remember to acknowledge and honor every blessing you already have. As humans, we do tend to focus on that nebulous future and forget that which is immediately before us.

Allow yourself to be patient and to be true to yourself. Remember to take at least five minutes every day to simply be by yourself and breathe. Allow yourself to indulge in a moment of thought, reflection and planning when the mood strikes. It’s your money, your choice. Allow yourself to simply succeed on your own terms, to live in peace, abundance, and joy. One day, one decision at a time, remaining aware of your choices and your feelings. You CAN get there.