Grandma

Tonight, Beverly Hunter died. To many people on the planet this won't matter. It will matter a great deal to me, though, because Bev meant the world to me.

I have fond memories of Bev making me comically huge sandwiches so that I would grow up to be big and strong. Years later we would pretend she was my client so we could spend an hour -just the two of us- talking in my office every week. I got to spend a few hours with her alone this Christmas Eve, having a Bushmills and talking about life. I had put together a little plate of food for us to share that night, as she had lost the ability to walk a few years ago and couldn't make meals for people the way she used to. that didn't prevent her from somehow being a gracious hostess.

Most people would say Bev's defining characteristic was her kindness. There was a quality in her I can only describe as sincere goodness, and I have never seen it in that quantity elsewhere. She had a level of thoughtfulness and intellect that would have been intimidating had they not been diffused behind her incredibly gentle eyes and happy disposition. Most people who met Bev would tell you any one of those things about her. I was lucky enough to know that the thing that made her really special was that she was ALWAYS that way. For 90 years she was consistently wonderful and kind because she chose to be that way always. I could fill books explaining her goodness and devote a library to reasons people loved her. One story after another could never encapsulate this intangible "Bev" quality though, so people would probably just show pictures of her eyes.

Of course, noticing that she had gentle eyes was sort of obvious. I wish I could have looked at them one more time and known what she was thinking. Bev had the worlds worst poker face. But as it turned out, by the time I got to the hospital this morning they had opened for their last time.

Her death was, in many was, beautiful. As heartbreaking as it was for the people who loved her, there was a poetic sense to how it all happened. There were six of us around her as she passed away. Six voices taking turns whispering how much we loved her. Six sets of hands gently touching her to let her know we were there. Sitting in the dimly lit hospital room were six pairs of eyes, drained of all our tears and full of so much love and respect, that watched as she took those last few breaths. We watched so closely as the time between her breaths grew longer until finally no more came.

She. Just. Left. Smoothly and quietly with no pain or struggle. She just went...away. Like a mother slipping out the door after finally getting her child to sleep. Gracefully and surrounded by love, she ended her life the way she lived it.

At 9:46pm Bev took her last breath, and at 9:47 the world got just a little bit worse. Most people will never know why, because they didn't get to meet her. They didn't get to kiss her goodbye like we did or hold her hand and remember when it was warm. Most people weren't that lucky.

But there are enough of us who will remember her life and its lessons. Enough to honor a humble woman filled with such quiet greatness. Enough to remember a woman who was confident enough in her intellect and self worth to know that sometimes just being 'sweet' was the best thing to be. There are so many of us who's lives were improved because Bev showed us how to be better people.

And so now, Bev, we have no choice but to say goodbye. We were lucky to have you for so long and selfishly want more. If there is any justice in the Heavens you are now in a place greater than any of us will ever know, but after we die and move on you will be able to come down and visit with us as often as you wish.

My wonderful grandmother and happy friend, we will miss you forever and love you for the rest of our lives.

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Comment by Susan French on October 8, 2011 at 10:01am: I'm so sorry for your loss, Scott. Even when we 'know' they're still 'here,' we miss them. Hugs, Susan

Comment by Taylor Sherman on February 12, 2011 at 8:08am: My condolences for your loss, Scott. It sounds like you gained so much from her being here, and that she has given her energy and lessons to you and to so many other people. I wish you and your family all the best in this time.

Comment by tc_Burt on February 12, 2011 at 6:46am: Oh Scott, I am so very very sorry, but you have such great memories and love that will continue. I am so sorry you have to endure this pain, but out of this pain you will find you will be able to nurture those wonderful memories.

Comment by Seth-Deborah Roth on February 9, 2011 at 6:56pm: Dear Scott,

May you take comfort in knowing an angel is watching over you.

Comment by Jagi Egnell on February 9, 2011 at 3:47pm: My prayers are with you and your family.

Comment by Kathleen Hanover on February 9, 2011 at 1:14pm: I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Reading your very moving description of her last hours and your relationship with her is very inspirational. I didn't have the honor of meeting your grandma, but reading your memorial makes me want to lead the kind of life, and be the kind of person, who would inspire someone I love to write something so beautiful about me after I'm gone.

So it turns out that I didn't have to meet Bev to be touched by her...because I've had the honor of knowing you, Scott.

Comment by Hugh Cole on February 9, 2011 at 9:11am: Nothing I could say would sum it all up better than you did here Scott. No one who has experienced the loss of a dear and precious loved one would could do anything but empathize with the constellation of conflicting emotions you felt at her demise. Know that I am here for you and, without entruding on your private grief (which will run it's course and leave you even stronger) accept my sincere condolances.

Hugh

Comment by Gordon Leith on February 8, 2011 at 8:36pm: Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts about your grandmother. Your few words conveyed her qualities that were so special and live on.

Comment by Richard Clark MFT on February 8, 2011 at 7:35pm: Scott,

The great capacity for love that you have moves me everytime you turn to write about someone or something you care deeply about. This undoubtedly is one of the gifts your Grandmother has bestowed on me and all that know you.

I am very saddened by your loss and my thoughts will be with you and your family this week. Yet, I'm overjoyed to recieve some of the love, caring, kindness, intellect, and humility that Bev had... through you. Nothing greater can be accomplished in this life then to leave a legacy of wonderful, thoughtful, compassionate people behind you in your wake. From all I know of you and your family, I would say that Bev lead a very accomplished life indeed.

As always,

Richard