How to Match and Mirror Successfully

I remember reading something Derren Brown said once, if you want to match and mirror people properly before you meet them get in the mindset that you like them as much as your best friend. Then when you actually meet keep hold of that feeling that you have known them for years like a long term best friend and you will fall into rapport with them naturally which then won't look faked.

I tried this a few times and found that for planned meetings it worked well (times when you can get into state first). I found that from videoing dozens of interactions with people (me with others) when matching and mirroring was natural overt movements had more of a delay than subtle movements. Things like shifting in the seat would take a second or two, gestures would only match if the context was the same (so my gesture would hold the same meaning), things like angle of the head, leaning etc matched pretty quick, matching the types of words and sentence structures and tonality etc seemed immediate (next thing that was said) unless it didn't fit with what was being said (like if telling story or putting on a voice etc) Breathing seemed to match rapidly as well and so did heart rate (either seen in the neck or if the legs are crossed, seen in the movement of the foot that is off the ground, or in the wrist by the thumb etc). My assumption was that to fake it I had to apply this and match more minimal cues quicker than more overt cues and that I had to make sure what I was doing also match meaning (so if someone gestures throwing a problem over their shoulder I can use the same gesture when describing getting rid of the problem so that it shows a deeper understanding rather than just copying a movement, likewise if someone demonstrates a churning motion with their hands when they talk about their problem and how it feels I don't just copy it I use it in context when talking about that feeling).

Some ways I have practiced matching and mirroring is using it whilst sitting on buses and trains, matching other passengers and then leading them into a trance state.

I think matching breathing is one of the best ways to deepen rapport. Many courses teach to match body posture, gestures, clear movements etc, what often happens is that people look like they are copying the person and it can make the person feel uncomfortable. Whereas breathing often goes unnoticed. My view is that the more obvious something is the more careful you have to be in matching or mirroring it. I think that the best way to do it with more obvious movements is to make the movement or change when it is appropriate to do so. So if someone is sat with their legs apart then crosses their legs I wouldn't immediately copy this, I would wait until it is appropriate to do so in context with what I am doing and saying. I also wouldn't do any movement that was unnatural or uncomfortable for me to do, in these cases I may do cross matching, so if they cross their arms I'd cross my legs.

Using matching and mirroring is a good way to get people to talk with you. For example if you see someone you like before you talk with them (say in a bar) you can match them, they will pick up on this and begin to feel a connection to you even if they aren't directly paying attention to you, they will feel like they know you or like you but won't know why or where from.

In therapy situations by becoming as similar to the client as possible you can begin to get a sense of what they feel which can help your understanding of their problem on a deeper level, rather than just what they are saying.