inside my classroom (or a fly on the wall)

I'm posting this as a blog because it helps to answer a question from another discussion group on this site. It's an exerpt from my book "Integrative Hypnosis" which was all trance scribed from my live training.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Melissa: I thought I would do a demonstration of change work. This way you’ll see what it’s like to have a client who comes in with an issue, and you just do whatever comes up.  You utilize their language and their structure.  You’re going to use everything that you’ve learned so far,  and  then do whatever you feel is going to get the change.  This is where you see how well you can dance.

I always talk about the difference between the real world and a training situation. When you have an exercise in class everyone knows to all of the information, so when you say, “I want you to go in and access a state of confidence,” people know what you’re talking about.  When people come into your office and you say something like that, most people have no clue what you mean.  “Gee, if I could access a state of confidence, why would I need to be here?”  

In your office, things go differently.  They don’t always work in the properly ordered steps. And you might find that in mid-process you have to back up, maybe go to the right, the left and hit it with something else.  You see something right there, you’re going to tap it. 

Somebody’s talking to you and you’re watching their hands and they’re describing this feeling and they start moving their hands in a spinning motion, don’t let them keep talking.  Grab that spin, pull it out, reverse it, throw it back in and see what happens. 

So the change work we’re going to do later is going to be just like that.  I give you absolutely no direction except to get the change.  By whatever means necessary. You have all of the processes that you have learned throughout this class.  Just work with the client.  Sometimes it’s going to be very obvious.  Well part of me wants to do this, and part of me wants to do that. 

Sometimes they’re going to say, “Well you know when I see this I just feel this.”  And you’re going to notice they’re making a picture.  Say, “Okay, well as you see that, I want you to see a picture of how you want to respond”, fwhomp, and swish it.  Or grab the picture and move it away and see what that does.

  I’ve given you so many different ways of either shrinking the problem, or building up the resources.  The question is no longer can this change, but how or which way will this change?  All along you’ve been learning.  And you might not realize how much you know yet. It might even surprise you when in the real world things come out of your mouth, or ideas pop into your head, and you had no idea you knew that already, but you do.  And at some point you’re going to feel comfortable enough with all that you know to have fun with this and just relax.  Even if “at some point” means today. Or tomorrow. 

Anybody got something they want to change?   All right. Come on up.

Okay, what have we got?

Sarah:  I would like to work on getting rid of my performance anxiety once and for all.

Melissa:  Okay, once and for all.  And how will you know when you’ve made this change already?

Sarah:  [Looks up] I won’t have that gut reaction, that clenching inside of me when I think of having to audition, or to perform in front of people. [Clenches fists in front of stomach].

Melissa:  Okay.  Now, do you want to get rid of all of that feeling, or just some of that feeling?  Now I know as a performer that there’s a little bit of that that actually you can spin into a really cool energy that’ll work for you.

Sarah:  Sure.

Melissa:  Some people thrive on that.  So I just want to know how much of this you want to get rid of.

Sarah:  I agree.  I would like to have that performance energy—

Melissa:  Okay.

Sarah:  But at the moment it’s a little bit too much, I think.

Melissa:  Okay.  Now how will you know when that feeling that you motioned to, right here, how will you know when that has turned into an energy you can work with?  What will be different?

Sarah:  I think the voice in my head that also says, “Oh no,” will change to an “Oh yes.”

Melissa:  Now that “oh no,” when you, if you were to hear it now, point to it.  Where’s it coming from?  [Sarah indicates by her right ear].Okay.  And stop.  And if you were to hear “Oh yes,” where would you hear that? 

Sarah:  Oh, that’s all around here, definitely [indicates space around the left side and front of her head].

Melissa:  Okay.  Interesting, right?  Now, at various points in this, because I am teaching, I’m going to turn around and make comments, just, take what’s useful for you. 

[Turning to class] So we see a few different things about this, already. We’ve got the initial visual access.  She accesses visually and then she immediately clenches. 

We see, judging by the movement in her body and her hands, about where and how that feeling is in her gut.  We see the body language when she says, “Oh no,” and it’s up here and it’s like this, right, with her hands out and her shoulders back. 

We know that it’s over here to the right ear. 

When she hears “oh yes” she moves forward a little bit.  The color in her face changes, and she hears it from the opposite direction but not clearly just the opposite.  It’s almost a panoramic “oh yes.” 

Now this is just gathering information.   I could have jumped in right away and manipulated some of that stuff.  Just to see what would happen.  If she took that picture she’d seen and moved it away.  That would have been one way to just see, to gather more information, what would have happened.

I could have investigated this feeling here, and asked her what would have happened if maybe she would have went like this and started to look, look what I’m doing with my hand.  So instead of that clenched, like she’s holding a big clenched up ball, what would happen if she started to gently massage that feeling, loosen it up, work it into a different kind of feeling? 

I could have easily have taken the “oh no” and changed either the location, the tonality. Or I could have had her keep the same words and said, “Oh no?”   

So you see how much information we just got in that couple of sentences.  And how many different places we could begin to change already.

[Turning to Sarah]You feel that.  So what will it be like, when you’ve made this change and you’re going out there and performing; how’s that going to feel?

Sarah:  Energized and excited and a sense of looking forward to performing.

Melissa:  Okay, so energized, excited, a sense of looking forward to performing.  And if I ask you as you’re feeling that right now, to imagine performing right now, how are you feeling? 

Sarah:  You mean if I had to stand up and perform right now in front of these people, or just to imagine in my mind a performance?

Melissa:  how about if you had to stand up in front of these people and perform?

Sarah:  Right now this moment?  No, I wouldn’t be so comfortable doing that.

Melissa:  And how would you know?  I mean how do you know that that’s not a comfortable feeling?

Sarah:  There was a tension—

Melissa:  Okay.

Sarah:  -- through my body.

Melissa:  A tension. 

Sarah:  Yeah.

Melissa:  So is it attention?

Sarah:  Attention?

Melissa:  That you’re after?

Sarah:  No, there was a tightness.

Melissa:  Okay, so you need to loosen up.  Now if I were to ask you to just feel that excitement, that energy, that looking forward to it, because I know you’ve felt that before.

Sarah:  Mm hmm.

Melissa:  You felt that many times before.  So feel some of that now and just imagine, that you’ve already made this change all ready, that this issue is long in the past, that every performance you feel more energized and you look forward to the next performance even more.  And the next performance even more. 

And the whole thing has shifted for you in such a way that not only do you love it, are you really getting exactly what you want out of it now, but you’re able to help other people with this issue, having had this issue already in your past.  Knowing so much more from it, being able to help all those other people in the same way that you’ve already helped yourself. 

So as you imagine feeling that now, feeling how good it feels to be that energized and that confident, knowing ultimately what it's all  about anyway is fun, and excitement, right?  And as you feel that fun and excitement, looking forward to yet another performance, as you’re feeling that now, right, imagine performing.  And how do you feel now when you think about it?

Sarah:  Feels a little better…[smiling]

Melissa:  Little better, okay. 

[Addresses class]Now, you saw that, right? you saw the shift, so now we need to keep looping it around.  Now I could keep looping it around until I see a definite energetic shift.

[Facing Sarah] Because imagine it was feeling more than just a little bit better.  Imagine it was feeling so much better that there’s no question when anyone asks you to do a performance, that you’re just going to jump right up there, right?  I mean there’s no question because when you’re doing your workshops you want to be able to, you know, just get up there and do it, and by example show these people what it is like, what it looks like when you’ve got this energy and confidence. Because this shit is fun.  Right?  Otherwise, why do it? 

So imagine now feeling like you are way beyond the solution to this problem.  Way beyond it.  You’ve already been teaching this to others.  You are already a perfect example of change work at its best.  Of performance at its best and it feels good.  And that energy, right, that energy that you used to think was something that would have stopped you, that very same energy in your gut is what can now fuel that whole excitement. 

So as you’re thinking about it, right, as you’re thinking about it now, imagining moving that in a way that’s going to work for you?  So taking your hands and instead of that, just allowing this to fuel you.  That’s right, moving it, feeling that fuel the excitement.  And as you’re thinking of it now, think about a time in the future doing the performance on a big stage, right?  You know, with the lights and everything.  And how does that feel now?

Sarah:  That feels tingly.

Melissa:  Good.  Because that’s what it should feel like, right?  And that tingly, that’s a good feeling, right?  So as you’re feeling that tingly knowing you’ve already shifted it, you’ve already shifted it in such a big way that as you imagine now yet another performance, maybe in a bigger venue, how does that feel now?

Sarah:  Oh I’m liking that.[face beaming]

Melissa:  Yeah, yeah. 

Do you see everybody, do you see the physiological shifts that she has, gotten herself.  

All right, so, feeling that now, that excitement, right, that kind of movement now that we’re totally—[turning back to class]

She’s in the kinesthetic, she’s moving this, she’s also accessing visually.  She’s just picturing it, she’s imagining it, she’s aware of that energy and that tingling. 

And now think of any performance that in the past would have caused you to feel that old unresourceful way, and now notice how it’s transformed, feeling good.  And how does it feel now, to think that you’ve already changed?

Sarah:  There’s a sense of ease about it as well.

Melissa:  Okay, ease about it, excellent. 

Now, imagine that someone has come to you with this issue, right?  And now you know how many things to look for, how many different ways you have.  You can install confidence anchors, you can run this pattern, you can spin it backwards so that that spin energizes.  You can collapse anchors.  You can do all—you have so many resources, right, and now it’s just a matter of oooh, which one do I feel like doing?  Which one does it look like they are ready for?  

And as you imagine helping someone and maybe using the teaching tale of your own transformation, how does that feel?

Sarah:  That feels great.

Melissa:  It feels great, right?

Sarah:  It feels great.

Melissa:  And if you were to imagine performing here now, how does it feel now? 

Sarah:  That feels a lot better. 

Melissa:  Okay, excellent.  So, if you were to imagine that there is in any way, anything in the future that might stop you from feeling this wonderful energy, can you imagine anything that would prevent you from feeling the way you want to feel?

Sarah:  But that, yeah, there is still a little bit of tension about auditioning rather than just performing.  Because that’s much more of a judgment.

Melissa:  Now.  Let me just stop here. [facing the class] Now I could have said, “Yay, we’ve gotten the change you wanted, that performance anxiety.”  But I wanted to be a little more thorough. 

 I like to troubleshoot, and make sure all is good with the ecology check so I can clean up the pieces.  Looking for other areas where we might want to bring this wonderful feeling.  Now I could have done that many ways.  And I could have said, “As you’re feeling that wonderful state, think of places where you would like to have this resource, this energy..”  But I wanted to have her take a moment to really think about it, so that I could also see some of the non-verbals there.  So now that we’ve gotten the information we need for you to make this change thorough, across the board-- as you said, once and for all.  Get rid of it.  I mean ultimately what are we doing?  It’s fun.

Imagine that feeling because you’ve already made that major shift, that major change.  And there’s ease there, but there’s that energy and that tingling, that excitement, looking forward to yet another performance.  And you know that feeling because you’re having it right now, and everyone can see that that’s awesome. 

Because you’re so resourceful you just fall right back into that wonderful state, which is the state, by the way, you can have each and every time you perform.  You can feel this state.  Isn’t that awesome, just to know what that’s like? 

And an audition is like any other performance, right, except for a smaller audience.  And some might think it’s a little more critical audience, but I don’t know about that.  I’ve been in many performances with critics in the audience.  And I’ll say this:  it’s all about performance.  And if you bring this energy and this good feeling and your tingling, then every audition is just another performance.  It’s another chance for you to feel good.  So even if they don’t choose you, you’ve been able to perform again, which is the point, which is the very point.  You’ve been able to hone your skills and try out a different one. 

You know, I have an aunt.  She’s the only person I’ve ever met that loves job interviewing.  It’s like she gets bummed when she gets the job.  She says, “Well I just love it.  I’m just a people person.”    For her, every job interview is another opportunity for her to show her stuff.  And she loves it. 

So get back into that feeling state.  Right?  Feeling good. That performance tingling energy, looking forward to it.  And another one, looking forward to that.  So that who knows where you’ll be next year?  Who knows what venue you’ll be performing in?  And as you get that feeling, think of going into any audition with this feeling, an opportunity to perform.  And how do you feel now?

Sarah:  It feels great.

Melissa:  Good.  And think about going to yet another audition, a big audition.  One you’re so psyched for.  How does that feel now?  Yeah.  See that face?  Right?  See that body?  See everything about it?  Feels better, right? Awesome.  Good work.  Okay?

Sarah:  Thank you.

Melissa:  You’re welcome.  And if it’s not, she has all the resources to keep revving it up a little bit, all right? 

Any other questions about that?  It was no major fancy intervention. We got all the information; we could have done many things.  I just chose to do the easiest one because it was there.  Because once you get how she’s coded, the problem, and how she wants to be, it's easy. 

If the approach that I was using, wasn’t getting those states and dragging those states to where she needed it, if I wasn’t seeing the major physiological shifts, I could have went and swished it.  The auditory swish, the kinesthetic swish, the visual swish.  I could have done a bunch of things.  But what are some of the things I did do?  So obviously you saw that linguistic meta pattern, that we went over.  How do you want to be different?  What will that be like?  I used her words, the tingling, the energy.  I was using her body language.  What else?

Susan:  You told the story about your aunt.

Melissa:  Yes, I told a story about my aunt.  What else?

Joel:  Perceptual positions.

Melissa:  Perceptual positions, linguistic timeline, right? 

And a lot of presuppositions there.  Let’s not forget presuppositions.  I mean we take it for granted here because almost everything we do is so heavily laced with linguistic assumptions.  So, I kept saying, “How will it be?”  I might have said once initially, “How would it be?”  Right?  “When you’ve already made this change”. 

Now what have I done?  Think of the timeline.  There’s a difference between would and will.  Would is still in the hypothetical, what would it be like?  And you use that when you don’t want to assume too much about someone’s ability to change.  I knew she could change this.  So it was “What will it be like?”  In the future, when you’ve made this change already.

Also kind of reframing what most people consider an audition to be.  Now I have worked with a lot of actors and actresses, so you know, there’s always this feeling of being judged, of putting yourself out there and the possibility of them not liking your performance.  And it always puts the people who are doing the judging in a position of power. [Turning to demo subject] A lot of times—although I didn’t do it this time—but I have reframed this in the past in a way that says: 

Hey look, you know, they think that they’re interviewing you, but the fact is, you’re going to have to spend at least six months of your life with these people.  You better make sure it’s really a role you want.  You better make sure these are people you want to work with.  So you go in there.  You show them what you’re capable of.  But be aware you want to be sussing out whether or not you want to have to hang out with them.  Is this job fitting with your idea of where you want your career to go?

So then it starts to put them in the interviewing position.  When people are nervous about a regular job interview.

Look, this is your life.  Every day of your life you’re going to have to go into this environment.  You better make sure it’s exactly what you want.  So you go into this interview and you say, ‘Well what are you going to offer me?  Why should I want to work for you?

And immediately turn that around. I always did.  I never let someone interview me like that.  It was like, okay, tell me why I want to work here.  And the people are like, “Uh, well, it’s a great place.”  “Well, how?  What’s so great?”  And you see the difference.  You just flip it around. 

So with her it was more, use this as an opportunity to do more of what you want to do.  Now with one actress I said:

Look.  How much money does an acting class cost in New York City?  You have to pay to go in and practice acting a role.  So every audition you go to is actually a free acting class.  You get to try on a whole different role in front of an audience.  So look at it that way.  Free acting classes.

 So what else did I do?

Kate:  Anchoring.

Melissa:  Anchoring, yes.

Michael: So your session goes on longer than five minutes, obviously.  It’s hard, to me, it was—I was thinking, well maybe you’ll use a spin or something.  But then how do you bring her back from already having a positive feeling to erase that negative.  Erase that, you know, to start again on a, to bring her back to—

Melissa:  Well I’ll tell you.  As I think I’ve said before, the more skilled you get, the more you know exactly what pieces to look for and the faster the change work becomes.   Whereas in the beginning I probably would have done a very involved regression to cause. Now I know there are so many ways to change and I'm far more flexible in what I do.   It just seems to get simpler. 

Now to answer your question—If she walked in and we did that--which is the way many of my sessions go-- and I still have a good deal of time, then I would  teach her a bunch of other tricks. 

You see what I mean? 

 So before you go off and do some change work, I’d like to remind you once again of all the things you’ve learned. 

Listen to their words.  I just kept feeding back her own words.   Pay attention to all the non verbal communication, from the gestures to the facial expressions. They will show you what you need to do.

You're going to start to notice this, because it’s been going on around you your whole life.  And you do pick up on it unconsciously.   Why do you think you meet certain people and right away you back up from them?  They haven’t said anything but, “Hi, I’m So-and-so,” but something about their body language, something about their energy, something your unconscious mind has picked up on has made you step back. 

We are constantly interacting on so many levels. When people are not congruent, we feel that.  Sometimes we can’t say exactly what it was about them, but they said something and their body and face meant a whole ‘nother thing. And on top of just being more aware of these things, you’re starting to learn what to do with them.

 

{From the book “Integrative Hypnosis: A Comprehensive Course in Change”}