Overcoming Mental Mountains

I'm 53 years old and started gender transition in earnest when I was 47. Some might ask, why did you wait so long if this was something you felt seriously about? Have you ever lived in a valley surrounded by mountains? Some people live their whole life in their little village and never go over the mountains. At an early age, about 7, I knew I really belonged in the female village, but back then, there wasn't even a road built between the villages through the mountains. A few explorers found their way between the two villages, but by and large, their journeys were not well documented. I was afraid of the mountains and afraid to tell my parents, although they caught me once dressed up and with my make-up and hair done; the shock was so great I passed out when they discovered me. I wish they had taken me to a therapist then, but they didn't. It was ignored, and I tried to act like it was no big deal. But, it was.

I married and lived my life the best I could. My cover was so deep, that even once a path between villages had been built and published, my ties to the male village were so strong, I had nearly given up hope of ever relocating to the female village.

But, one Christmas, my wife discovered things that I had purchased from the female village, and they weren't her size. She thought I was having an affair with a female villlager. But, I had to admit to her that I had visited the female village and bought them for myself. Counseling followed. Her favored counselors tried to point out where my village address was, and that I was behaving inappropriately for a male village resident. But, they didn't know I was there under cover, and I maintained my cover, pretty much, even during those counseling sessions. Eventually, it was clear to her that I actually was a resident of the female village under cover, so we divorced.

I started looking for the path to the female village through the mountains. I was the only way to become a villager again, because the waters from the springs along the path changed you to look more like a villager. I even found a guide, who meets with me every two weeks to see how my journey is going. The path for me has been longer than I expected, with turns through hidden valleys. I feel like I'm still going uphill, and the mountains ahead are the highest of all. The pass over that mountain is called "working fulltime as a female." That seems to be the highest mountain, from my vantage point. I have already crossed several others, such as "coming out to family." The other mountains aren't very tall, it seems. But, there are toll bridges over the rivers. One is called "facial surgery," and the toll is $18,000. The last tall mountain is called "gender reassignment surgeyr." The toll over that bridge I've heard is about $22,000, overall. I've heard from other female villagers that have crossed these mountains that there are still some peaks to cross before being fully relocated. They not like the snowy peaks, but they still can be tiring. But, I'll deal with those when I get there.

This group, I found by accident. I was riddled with fears when I first began my journey. I met a hypnotist who talked to me on the phone and helped me get over the first hill and the start of the journey. Starting was the most difficult, not knowing what was ahead.

Perhaps one of you may be helpful to me on my journey, or in settling in to my new village. I don't really know yet, as I'm new here and don't really know much what you do here. But, it's a pleasant stop along the way.

Bren