Remembering...

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Comment by psi on June 25, 2010 at 6:20pm

I wanted to report back on this after having some time to wade through the muck of what I've learned & gauge my own reactions.

I know the truth.... I know not only that, but earlier things in my life that I "knew", but didn't remember.

I'm still working through what I've learned. I haven't yet shared the whole story to anyone, and I'm unsure that I will. I don't have a lot of emotions tied up in it as I did when I didn't know which is strange to me. I did have some others help me to "ease" into the emotions though through hypnosis of course. And through a stranger experience didn't feel any emotions about it at all for a couple of weeks.

Now I'm kind of at square one. I recognize the fact that this and my past has probably contributed to a lot of self-destructive and impulsive behavior but at the same time enjoy those restless pleasures too much to let go as of yet. All that I can think is at least I'm honest about that much.

I guess to some extent pain is a motivator & if I were to feel something I would probably then feel the need to change something, and I have had to change a few details here & there. But for the most part, I feel a little freedom knowing these things.

It was almost a rebirth & shortly after the "old" incident of childhood, I began sleeping again. Some were aware that I had only slept approximately 30 hrs. in over a month....and my eating was just as sporatic. Now I eat at least once a day again.

I had begun sleeping in my room again, but again find myself unable to do so. Tonight will be the first night I have been alone since the "new" information. Prior to...I wasn't even able to be in my house overnight alone....thus my frequent casino trips and late night sittings on the beach or at 24 hr. stores (which I hate).

Anyway.... I see a place where I can move in either direction....positive or negative. I'm unsure what I'll choose. I know now, I feel new...alive & strangely enough am experiencing many of the feelings that I had as a 17 year old which falls into none of the "incident" catagories as listed....though I was a pretty reckless kid. I am working to avoid being reckless, but still enjoy the youthful feelings that have come.

Thanks to all for commenting.... I'm sure if more comes up I'll post it.... I'm not very discrete with my own information unfortunately.

Comment by Kelley Woods on June 22, 2010 at 5:23am

I agree with Dennis' comments: you can utilize hypnotic state to deal with the distressful emotions. Remember that while your perception is your reality, reality is plastic! Liberating yourself from the past without painful or unreliable regression is possible...find a qualified hypno to help you.

Comment by Stephanie Conkle on June 15, 2010 at 12:58pm

PSI, my suggestion is you see a highly trained certified hypnotherapist to regress you to cause using NLP techniques so you can dissociate your feelings and not have to relive the trauma. Not all memories that come up in hypnosis are false. I think most are real and can be proven; however, they cannot be used as evidence in court because studies have been found that some memories that come up in hypnosis are indeed false, and the problem is how do you distinguish a false memory from a real one when that's the case? I would also work with a psychologist after you know the problem to help you cogitate your feelings. Then you could come back and use NLP/hypnosis to help you move completely past it when you are ready. Warm wishes to you. I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Comment by psi on June 15, 2010 at 6:49am

I apologize to those who're against it, but I have to say that after much thought, I want to know.

I do understand the idea you're speaking of Dennis as far as the emotions connected, and strangely enough, I'm still experiencing the emotions even though I don't remember anything. I have a few other issues as a result though. I had self-destructive behavior in my life, but it's come to the point of self-abusive behavior. I had thoughts that are not to be spoken of, but they didn't mull around my brain obsessively. My behavior is impulsive & just downright stupid & I always realize it...and feel as if I cannot even stop myself.

Ok, to clarify a bit, I have 3 minutes of memory in a 4 hr. span (approximations by sedated mind). This 3 or so minutes was good enough to ingrain 3 faces in my memory such that I was able to sketch those faces. I know what the injuries were. I know a few other details due to circumstantial evidence.... but I lack the memories.

This, in and of itself is torturing me. I have beaten this into the ground & realize now that I need to know. If the memories aren't real, then I will have to cross that bridge when I get there, but I believe I'll know based on the evidence thus far.

I'll give an example as to why I feel like I need to trust this.....A week ago or so I was driving past the place where this incident began. I hadn't been past there at all since, but it's unavoidable really. I didn't notice until after he was coming up behind me, but in my peripheral vision saw a man walking out of the place. He got on a motorcycle & came right behind me. I noticed him immediately & the feeling was unexplainable. I won't even try. I managed to get a snapshot with my phone through the rearview mirror. Thankfully it was a good shot. I presented both my sketch & the photo to a friend who is a prior police officer and agreed that it, in fact, was almost an exact match.

I do charcoals, but mostly abstract...some portrait, but family only really. I'm not that good. Also, when I sketched it, I wrote whatever details I could muster & with him it was a blue hat & the fact that he was the one who I received most physical injury from. His face, more than any was in there.

I was asked to present it to the detective who I had spoken with in the beginning...and I refused. Why? I don't trust my mind. I don't trust that I didn't just see him there that night. I don't trust this because I now know that I self-hypnotized at some point & I'm unclear on everything.

I know there are issues with it...as I said, I've heard the stories. But to live like I'm living now isn't worth not taking the chance. I don't plan to go after another person with my findings. I believe strongly in karma...or something like it, and I know that the Universe will handle this in a way far better than me.

My responsibility right now is to myself & to my children. I've had a lot of issues in my life & a lot of traumatic events. Maybe I need to work out why chaos & terrible situations are drawn to me...

I explained it earlier like this.... have you ever walked into a closet at home and knew it needed to be cleaned, but it was so overwhelmingly trashed that you couldn't fathom the thought of where to begin? So...instead you just gave up and decided to do it another time?

Ok, here's me..... I've had lots of those occasions. And because I kept closing the door on those closets and blowing off the mess, the house is like something off of "Hoarders". It's a disaster. No one will come in & I can barely function in it. Everywhere I turn is filth & it's seaping through the windows and doors now.... Basically, my whole life is going to self-destruct if I don't find a way to stop this now.

I have to start somewhere. I'm just so damn tired though. The mess is so huge that I can barely think of anything else....it's preoccupying everything. I can't sleep, eat...and work & homelife are like trudging.

I have to know.... even if it's just to sweep out the emotional clutter.

I will say this.... it's amazing how I prided myself on my ability to compartmentalize everything in my life so well....and I always have. But it's now to my demise. Every single room is cluttered & no one will see me because they think that I'm "disassociating" because I don't feel & I'm so easily able to talk about it all.

It's not that it's easy.... it's just that I've spent my whole life learning how to "put it away". But there was no room left for this one & I can't put it away no matter how hard I try. Even if I could....how would I know where to place it? I don't even know what happened!!

I want to do this at my home where it took place.... If reliving it is necessary to get past it...then so be it. But this isn't living anyway.

Comment by Dennis Atkinson on June 15, 2010 at 5:47am

Based on my training, I normally ask clients to focus more on the feelings and emotions associated with the memory, and not the actual memory itself. I explain that just because a memory or thought comes up during hypnosis, it does not mean it actually took place exactly as you are remembering it (I am not sure that made sense, but hopefully you get what I mean.)

My belief is that while in hypnosis, we can imagine something as factual, when in may not be, much the same way a memory may come to us when we are dreaming - often times this memory is/was from the perception of a child, and the facts may or may not hold true ... but if we are using the emotions attached to that memory to make decisions in our adult life, whether imagined or not, then regression combined with NLP is a good technique for detaching from the negatives associated to the memory.

Comment by James Hazlerig - HypnosisAustin on June 14, 2010 at 7:56pm

To echo what Graham said--it's very easy to accidentally create a false memory, and that's why regression for that kind of thing should be handled very gingerly.

If you have a traumatic event in your past that you need to deal with, there are far gentler hypnotic methods for doing so.

Comment by Graham Old on June 14, 2010 at 8:52am

Effective, but unreliable.

There is simply no way to confirm if what you are remembering is a legitimate recovered memory, or simply the result of heightened imagination.

www.forwardtherapy.co.uk

Comment by Stephanie Conkle on June 14, 2010 at 8:34am

Hypnosis can be very effective for memory recall. On the other hand, if you have a repressed memory, your brain is protecting you from having to re-live that event over and over. If you seek hypnosis for memory recall, be sure to have your hypnotist disconnect your emotions from your observations, so you don't have to re-live the trauma.