The Endless Mirror Effect

A family member recently came to talk with me about a new awareness of how they somehow invite certain people into their lives and these people end up being sources of negativity, storms that create some big waves. This person spoke at length about how annoying, irritating and self-centered those other people are. I found myself paying attention while also wondering why this person allowed this kind of interaction to the point that it was such a burden. "Just go to your calm beach", I thought.

I offered a suggestion that they might wonder what benefit was being realized by engaging in these negative relationships...that they look inside to see why they initially welcomed and then maintained these one-sided relationships. We talked about boundaries: the importance of establishing and enforcing them.

Somewhere along the conversation, I had a nagging feeling...a little ripple appeared. The uncomfortable idea surfaced that I was, in fact, being dragged down by this venting episode. I felt all joy and happiness draining away through this engagement and a sense of ominous clouds settled around me.

It was then that the truth hit me: it was not so simple to merely suggest detachment or release of relationships. I looked at my family member through eyes of unconditional love and acceptance in this moment, allowing myself to be there without judgment or expectation and suddenly I felt all of those negative feelings dissipate.

It was at this point that I let go of the need to help and embraced just being able to listen. I was no longer buffeted by the tone of the conversation, but instead, anchored by my own trust in myself and my life. My family member left our conversation feeling lighter and while the ballast had been cast overboard I was free to let it be...jetsam to drift away...