You must be having a False Positive Thought!

Last week I was speaking with one of my new clients, a lovely young single woman.

She came in to The Center of Success to get some help with some personal stress issues.

She mentioned that she is very mindful of what she is thinking. In fact, she is very careful to make sure that she only thinks positive thoughts - especially when it comes to dating.

For example, she said, I made a date with someone on match.com and I’m being very careful about how I think about it.

“I’m not thinking negatively, she exclaimed. “I’m focusing on the positive. Whenever I think about my upcoming date,
I’m careful to make sure that I don’t expect that he’ll be interesting to me because I don’t want to be disappointed.
This way, if he is a nice guy, then I’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

She continued, "My mother always told me to think positively so I will always be pleased about the outcome."

Yikes. This is the furthest thing from thinking positively, but she had no idea.

The reality is that she is expecting that nothing good will come out of her date.

I call this False Positive Thinking.

It’s not going to get her where she wants to go. Whatever she thinks about and focuses on is the direction she is headed.

Is she expecting things to go well? Not at all.

She’s expecting that nothing good will happen.

No wonder she is so stressed. I'm glad she's seeing me.

Tags: match.com, positive, single, stress, thinking, wendymerron.com

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Comment by Wendy Merron on May 20, 2011 at 11:57am: Michael, I like your concept of PMA. Thanks for sharing this.

In my definition, Positive Thinking doesn't work if the thought isn't believable. Positive Thinking rather is a process rather than trying to believe in something that's not believable.

Comment by docregal.com on May 14, 2011 at 8:47am: I believe in the philosophy of "TRUE" positive thinking. To accomplish this one must reframe the good, the bad and the ugly, apply stops to any discernible negativity and focus extensively on a new and improved baseline. Choose to sustain only that which is good, better and the best.

Comment by Michael Ellner on May 10, 2011 at 11:13am: Hi Wendy,

I do not believe that there is such a thing as "TRUE" positive thinking...

I believe that the main reason "Positive thinking" is a negative force in peoples lives because people really don't grasp what is meant by a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA).

A PMA is a habitual way of seeing the world and experiencing life. Once one develops a PMA there is no thinking because the way that they focus their attention is automatic. A PMA focuses on solutions instead of problems and "Positive Thinking" makes believe there is no problem. Example: I know my dates suck and I believe that putting on a happy face and making believe it will be different this time is being positive" is an example of "Positive Thinking"

I help my clients develop a PMA. Example: "I know that I have cancer and I am in great shape for the shape I'm in"

Big diffeence!

"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet... "

~ Roger Miller

Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars

~ Frederick Langbridge

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain

~ Vivienne Greene

Michael E. @ http://www.nycanxietyhypnosis.com

Comment by Michael Williams on May 10, 2011 at 9:36am: Nice James

However, once I learned that many outcomes can be wonderful, I learned to approach life with a sense of positive curiosity, asking myself, "What wonderful thing will happen next?" That opens up positive expectation while avoiding disappointment.

That's my approach to teaching LOA as well, think postively and remind yourself that there are numerous possibilities that would lead to the manifestation of your desire, and to think of one set outcome would be denying yourself the enjoyment of the other possibilities.

What also helps is reinforcing that what ever the outcome, it is the right outcome for you and your needs.

Regards

Michael

Comment by Jesus Gonzalez on May 10, 2011 at 8:22am: Aha James, that is interesting. So instead of focus on an extreme positive outcome, you mean to adapt the mindset of the relaxed observer instead of the analytical future-reader. It makes lot of sense to me.

It is like "wasting" 'present-energy' to magically read an uncertain future instead of using present energy observe the present moment and notice which things will bring you the best to your life.

It really made too much sense to me. lol

Thanks for your words

Jesus

Comment by James Hazlerig - HypnosisAustin on May 10, 2011 at 7:13am: I used to approach the world in that way as well, so I hope you won't mind if I tell you some about that mindset and how I changed it. There is a certain wisdom to that kind of thinking, but only if you see your options in black and white extremes.

If you believe that you can either expect everything to be perfect or expect nothing to go well, then avoidance of disappointment makes a certain sense. It's a way of protecting yourself.

However, once I learned that many outcomes can be wonderful, I learned to approach life with a sense of positive curiosity, asking myself, "What wonderful thing will happen next?" That opens up positive expectation while avoiding disappointment.

Now, on occasion, less than wonderful things do appear. I've learned in those times to stop and tell the Universe that it owes me a present. :-) I call this "demanding a gift from the bear."

James

Comment by Jesus Gonzalez on May 10, 2011 at 7:00am: I think the same. Thats true.

Btw, this happens to me with feelings too. And is still happening :) I want to be totally positive and good in the relationship, and things just go down, things just (fucking) discontrol (sorry but i must include the bad-word, as it is how i feel:))

- Let's expand the debate:

So, What should I be focusing on, instead of Positively? (I cant really quite control this yet :P lol)

Jesus

Comment by janadra on May 10, 2011 at 6:51am: Many of the folks I work with with do this often (and sometimes so do I :))

I like the words "False Positive Thinking". I will pass that on.