the Free Online Hypnosis Community
Erotic Hypnosis, hypnoporn, fetish, and other unspeakable topics
One of the top issues being debated in our industry is the acceptance of "erotic" or "Fetish" hypnosis. In recent years, many porn sites have incorporated hypnosis as the "gimmick" they use to attract customers, just as they have also incorporated hot girls on motorcycles, leather wear, or high heels as the key focus, in order to differentiate their porn from others. Admittedly, these websites and sellers of porn DO have a high profile, selling "hypnoporn" in the same way as any other porn site markets a product, and in most cases, with fake hypnosis anyway.
However, this note is not about porn, because while "hypnoporn" may attract what some deem as negative or undesirable attention to erotic hypnosis, I want to discuss erotic hypnosis as a legitimate study or experience.
Sex is unquestionably the domain of marriage and family therapy, and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist. About 13 years ago, I first learned about stage hypnosis and saw my first stage hypnosis show at an "adult" comedy club. Although I had been doing clinical hypnosis since grad school, what I practiced was nothing like what the stage hypnotist did…. He had people simulating sex with chairs, experiencing orgasms on-stage with just the shake of a hand, and manifesting sexual phenomena in seconds.
I have to admit, I was SHOCKED!
Therefore, I immediately went to my clinical supervisor, an Ericksonian trained hypnotist and psychologist, who promptly educated me of the 'evils' of stage hypnosis.
Nevertheless, I kept thinking, “If that stage hypnotist can get people on stage to respond sexually in mere moments, how come in traditional therapy it takes me months to deal with sexual dysfunction? What if a marriage and family therapist could bring the power of stage hypnosis to couples counseling and provide solutions to sexual performance issues in one session, rather than seven months of insight-oriented or cognitive-behavioral therapy!!??"
And so I disregarded my supervisor’s warnings and began my studies of stage hypnosis - and today, I practice both stage hypnosis and clinical hypnosis, as well as professional psychotherapy. Hypnosis, wahtever its label new age, mystical, erotic, stage, "clinical", medical, is still hypnosis, and every branch of hypnosis can benefit from an understanding and respect for the other branches. Each has much to offer.
Back to the original subject: Erotic hypnosis.
Let us not mistake sellers of porn using hypnosis as their sales gimmick for what erotic hypnosis really is. It seems that some of the hypnosis organizations have recently chosen to take a stand, essentially blackballing any hypnotist who offers or engages in "erotic hypnosis."
Is this really a good idea?
Our profession is a big tent, and under this tent you will find those who practice past-life regression, medical anesthesiology, psychiatry, sports performance, prosperity enhancement and more, because hypnosis is effective for impacting these issues. It can be used for cancer treatment, recovery from surgery, pre-surgical preparation, learning disorders, test-taking performance, health and wellness, decision-making, focus and concentration, the alleviation of fears and anxiety, therapeutic relaxation, management of depression, and many more things as well. Of course, lets not forget smoking cessation and weight loss.
As “professionals,” should we avoid the "erotic" side of hypnosis? In seventh grade Science class, we learned that there are seven systems of the body - and one of them is the REPRODUCTIVE or sexual system. So, according to seventh grade science, essentially one/seventh of who we are is sexual.
I will state that hypnosis, when properly done, brings a sense of pleasure and wellbeing, and that sex itself is hypnotic and produces a trance state. So, should professionals avoid “erotic hypnosis,” because it appeals to the base biological drives and pleasures of who we are as individuals? I think it is actually impossible. Since trance is natural phenomena, everyone in the world is already practicing erotic hypnosis!
Should professional hypnotists impose a blanket ban on "erotic hypnosis" because some adults who enjoy sex from a very basic need/drive or carnal perspective, with perhaps different moral convictions than the majority, may bring embarrassment or attention to hypnosis?
Now I am a therapist, and I have certainly shared my biases already in the very way that I have written this article. But for me, the applications of hypnosis to enhancing couples intimacy, sexual satisfaction or even helping people understand or experience fantasies seems healthy. And perhaps it is precisely because I am a therapist that I feel no threat from those whose sexual behavior is different than mine, but value trance and its application to enhancing sexual enjoyment.
Until the Internet, things like "hypno fetishes" were probably relegated to the private discussion of a few, and most people never thought of joining a group, sharing techniques or ideas regarding sexual enhancement through hypnosis, or even promoting hypnosis in a sexual manor. But today, at Amazon.com, my second best selling item is "Hypnotic Sex: Igniting Sexual Passion in the Bedroom by Learning to Hypnotize your Lover." And despite the catchy title, being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Clinical Hypnotist, I created it for couples to enjoy each other to the fullest.
And isn’t that the proper use of hypnosis?
Sure, "hypnoporn" sites often look tacky. I have never produced, consulted or worked with a porn site. But I do think Erotic Hypnosis does have a place in our profession, because it has a place in our real lives. To exclude this as a topic for professionals, or to fail to recognize that it can be utilized by professionals to help couples share all that life has to offer, is quite limiting.
As a final point, if some in the hypnosis community choose to excommunicate "erotic hypnotists" -by whose standards to we do this? Undoubtedly, much of the "hypnoporn" is fake; hypnosis is merely the gimmick. But in real stage hypnosis, do we say that on stage, PG is too much? Or R? Or X-rated? And by whose standards will these ratings come from? A G-rated show will not SELL in Las Vegas - it is an adult playground where ‘adult’ themes are the standard - even though in reality, the most ‘adult’ show in Vegas is no stronger than any R-rated movie.
As far as erotic hypnosis for lovers goes, by whose standards to we judge what is appropriate or not? It seems to me that excluding any group of hypnotists based on a perceived "indiscretion" sets the stage for fragmentation rather than creativity. Certain organizations forbid stage hypnosis in its entirety, and this stifles creativity. I became a much more effective marriage and family therapist AFTER becoming a stage hypnotist.
Excluding the reasoned study or demonstration of erotic hypnosis won’t make it go away. After all, everytime anyone has sex, they have entered a trance state. And, by embracing erotic hypnosis, perhaps we can take it back from the hucksters faking it to sell porn....
Any thoughts?
However, this note is not about porn, because while "hypnoporn" may attract what some deem as negative or undesirable attention to erotic hypnosis, I want to discuss erotic hypnosis as a legitimate study or experience.
Sex is unquestionably the domain of marriage and family therapy, and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist. About 13 years ago, I first learned about stage hypnosis and saw my first stage hypnosis show at an "adult" comedy club. Although I had been doing clinical hypnosis since grad school, what I practiced was nothing like what the stage hypnotist did…. He had people simulating sex with chairs, experiencing orgasms on-stage with just the shake of a hand, and manifesting sexual phenomena in seconds.
I have to admit, I was SHOCKED!
Therefore, I immediately went to my clinical supervisor, an Ericksonian trained hypnotist and psychologist, who promptly educated me of the 'evils' of stage hypnosis.
Nevertheless, I kept thinking, “If that stage hypnotist can get people on stage to respond sexually in mere moments, how come in traditional therapy it takes me months to deal with sexual dysfunction? What if a marriage and family therapist could bring the power of stage hypnosis to couples counseling and provide solutions to sexual performance issues in one session, rather than seven months of insight-oriented or cognitive-behavioral therapy!!??"
And so I disregarded my supervisor’s warnings and began my studies of stage hypnosis - and today, I practice both stage hypnosis and clinical hypnosis, as well as professional psychotherapy. Hypnosis, wahtever its label new age, mystical, erotic, stage, "clinical", medical, is still hypnosis, and every branch of hypnosis can benefit from an understanding and respect for the other branches. Each has much to offer.
Back to the original subject: Erotic hypnosis.
Let us not mistake sellers of porn using hypnosis as their sales gimmick for what erotic hypnosis really is. It seems that some of the hypnosis organizations have recently chosen to take a stand, essentially blackballing any hypnotist who offers or engages in "erotic hypnosis."
Is this really a good idea?
Our profession is a big tent, and under this tent you will find those who practice past-life regression, medical anesthesiology, psychiatry, sports performance, prosperity enhancement and more, because hypnosis is effective for impacting these issues. It can be used for cancer treatment, recovery from surgery, pre-surgical preparation, learning disorders, test-taking performance, health and wellness, decision-making, focus and concentration, the alleviation of fears and anxiety, therapeutic relaxation, management of depression, and many more things as well. Of course, lets not forget smoking cessation and weight loss.
As “professionals,” should we avoid the "erotic" side of hypnosis? In seventh grade Science class, we learned that there are seven systems of the body - and one of them is the REPRODUCTIVE or sexual system. So, according to seventh grade science, essentially one/seventh of who we are is sexual.
I will state that hypnosis, when properly done, brings a sense of pleasure and wellbeing, and that sex itself is hypnotic and produces a trance state. So, should professionals avoid “erotic hypnosis,” because it appeals to the base biological drives and pleasures of who we are as individuals? I think it is actually impossible. Since trance is natural phenomena, everyone in the world is already practicing erotic hypnosis!
Should professional hypnotists impose a blanket ban on "erotic hypnosis" because some adults who enjoy sex from a very basic need/drive or carnal perspective, with perhaps different moral convictions than the majority, may bring embarrassment or attention to hypnosis?
Now I am a therapist, and I have certainly shared my biases already in the very way that I have written this article. But for me, the applications of hypnosis to enhancing couples intimacy, sexual satisfaction or even helping people understand or experience fantasies seems healthy. And perhaps it is precisely because I am a therapist that I feel no threat from those whose sexual behavior is different than mine, but value trance and its application to enhancing sexual enjoyment.
Until the Internet, things like "hypno fetishes" were probably relegated to the private discussion of a few, and most people never thought of joining a group, sharing techniques or ideas regarding sexual enhancement through hypnosis, or even promoting hypnosis in a sexual manor. But today, at Amazon.com, my second best selling item is "Hypnotic Sex: Igniting Sexual Passion in the Bedroom by Learning to Hypnotize your Lover." And despite the catchy title, being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Clinical Hypnotist, I created it for couples to enjoy each other to the fullest.
And isn’t that the proper use of hypnosis?
Sure, "hypnoporn" sites often look tacky. I have never produced, consulted or worked with a porn site. But I do think Erotic Hypnosis does have a place in our profession, because it has a place in our real lives. To exclude this as a topic for professionals, or to fail to recognize that it can be utilized by professionals to help couples share all that life has to offer, is quite limiting.
As a final point, if some in the hypnosis community choose to excommunicate "erotic hypnotists" -by whose standards to we do this? Undoubtedly, much of the "hypnoporn" is fake; hypnosis is merely the gimmick. But in real stage hypnosis, do we say that on stage, PG is too much? Or R? Or X-rated? And by whose standards will these ratings come from? A G-rated show will not SELL in Las Vegas - it is an adult playground where ‘adult’ themes are the standard - even though in reality, the most ‘adult’ show in Vegas is no stronger than any R-rated movie.
As far as erotic hypnosis for lovers goes, by whose standards to we judge what is appropriate or not? It seems to me that excluding any group of hypnotists based on a perceived "indiscretion" sets the stage for fragmentation rather than creativity. Certain organizations forbid stage hypnosis in its entirety, and this stifles creativity. I became a much more effective marriage and family therapist AFTER becoming a stage hypnotist.
Excluding the reasoned study or demonstration of erotic hypnosis won’t make it go away. After all, everytime anyone has sex, they have entered a trance state. And, by embracing erotic hypnosis, perhaps we can take it back from the hucksters faking it to sell porn....
Any thoughts?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Brian Green on
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Hi Richard.
Couldn't agree more. I adore Erickson's mind and artistry, and his seminal contributions to modern (hypno)-therapy, but this is one of the areas that I disagree with him, and persons with credentials in allied fields who think this way. (He was of course a child of his time, a very parental/authority oriented society). In my manual, Mind-bending For Mind-mending - Appendix 06. Page 205, (after a 3 page dissertation by Dr. Brian Knight, on limitations desired by such "professionals" on "lay" hypnotists, including stage hypnotists, reprinted with his kind permission), I outline the growing threat to our freedom arising within our own profession. Your experience regarding learning about an aspect hypnotism from stage hypnosis is not unique, and has been that of other therapists, and many many more of my clients. I guess most desires for restriction are fundamentally based on fear and it's usual handmaiden, ignorance. Those who want to ban stage hypnotism, and now erotic hypnotism, need a session with a good hypnotherapist! Of course, being so anarchistically inclined, I have no hankering to make hypnosis or myself "respectable", being quite content with the maverick outsider situation, both personal and professional. Not having any particular respect for "society", in fact often the reverse, I don't have any particular need for respect from "it", though it could be beneficial in financial terms. My opinion is that many restrictions put forward to "protect the public" actually cloak far less altruistic motives, i.e. to advance and protect the financial and status needs of their proponents, whether "lay" or "credentialed." But I don't want to pay the price of loss of freedom that societal, (and professional), acceptance usually requires.
.
"Limitations on the practice of hypnotism.
I don't know where all this concern over, "untrained" and "unethical" potential use of hypnotism is coming from, it's all over the place. For fifty years or more Hypnotists have being doing their thing. Just as some MD's, Psychotherapists, etc. and even Dentists, some Hypnotists have been unethical. Many "trained" on the job by the seat of their pants. But now it is as if "we" are the only ones deserving of this exalted position, and "they" are the undeserving them, who don't deserve this knowledge without the imprimatur of "us".
I am as "trained" as the next (wo)man, and well versed in hypnotherapy, with ten+ years in practice as my sole support, plus a wide self-education in various allied fields, among many others. I perceive it as a false assumption of superiority to decide who is fit or unfit to receive knowledge of hypnosis.
It is this parental attitude that used to be the attitude of the Church towards learning Latin, or the employer /owner's opposition to workers or slaves learning to read and write. It is the attitude of Psychotherapist's towards "lay" Hypnotists and Stage Hypnotists, (and some hypnotherapists too). Let's restrict knowledge to us, and control them. It's the attitude of the government, to deprive the population of knowledge of their activities, which took an Act of Congress to change, the "Freedom Of Information Act."
I'm sure that perhaps I am not reputable enough in many people’s eyes to be admitted to the "club". I had that experience previously in Psychiatric Hospitals as an "untrained" Dual Diagnosis Counselor. I probably broke all the rules, but got results. Later I found out that my groups were the only ones the patients felt useful, and wanted to attend. Drove the "fully trained" Social Workers crazy. The Psychiatrists and Ph/D. Clinical Psychologists who “supervised” me only cared that I was able to accomplish what was needed.
All knowledge, like any tool in the hands of the human race, has the potential for "good" or "evil", but restricting it's dissemination is rarely useful or practical, and is less and less so in the information age. People can go online and figure out how to construct an atomic weapon if they want to. The dyke is full of holes, (no pun intended), censorship is pretty hopeless. Hurrah for freedom of information, I say. I am just pro liberty and against control, restriction, limitation or suppression in general, so this is just an offshoot for me. This is so even though I know some people will use information in ways I don't approve of. But my lack of approval is just that, nothing but my lack of approval.
Opinions from the brain of Brian."
If you want to read more of this manual, go to mindmagic123.com to purchase a copy.
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Permalink Reply by Brian David Phillips on -
Richard, thanks for posting this.
Some folks - okay, a LOT of folks - do confuse porn with consensual erotic practice. I have no problem with adult entertainment . . . actually, I am an advocate in favor of it but I can respect others' choice not to view it . . . just can't respect their choice that I not be allowed to view it.
As to hypnoPorn . . . much of it is acting out and fake hypnosis but there are quite a few sites out there that contain actual hypnosis with the adult entertainment. Some are classy and some less so but they are a bit different from the fake hypnosis sites in that the hypnosis is genuine and the models happen to be nude. Some of the folks creating this sort of material are pretty good hypnotists and well worth watching just for their technical ability at hypnosis (the nekkid girls may or may not be a bonus) while others are absolutely amazingly horrible hypnotists - I mean folks you seriously think might not be able to hypnotize themselves out of a paper bag - and yet they manage.
Porn or hypnofetish aside, contrary to what some organizations or folks believe, erotic hypnosis is NOT a subgroup of the hypnofetish community . . . it's the other way around . . . but even so, it should not matter. Hypnosis is natural, erotic imagination is natural, hypnotic erotic play is natural. There are plenty of regular ol' vanilla folks who can get a lot of good out of learning how to please their partners via the mind as well as brushing up on their physical techniques.
Like you, I advocate open community and open communication. When I was asked to begin the Society of Experiential Trance - http://www.trancesociety.org - that was a guiding principle that was very important to me that be in the charter from the get go. Folks may note that the SET is the only formal hypnosis organization that offers specialization training and certification in erotic hypnosis for use in a wide variety of contexts - therapeutic, entertainment, and recreational - in addition to the more "conventional" and even less conventional specialty areas of hypnosis. For those who are reading, you will note that Richard is an instructor for the Society as well.
My Hypnosis Technique Exchange is built upon that principle as well . . . as long as folks are engaged in informed consensual activities - safe, sane, and consensual - then they are free to discuss techniques and applications and share methods and ideas across the board. Some folks look for more on clinical approaches to this or that while others are there purely for the recreational material.
I admit that I've come across folks doing things with hypnosis that have genuinely shocked me and that have gone against my own personal value systems. However, as long as it follows the precepts of safe, sane, and informed consensual, it's not really any of my business . . . whatever floats their boats. If we ostracize folks who are outside "our" norm (which is an illusion anyway as "normal" is merely either an average or a lowest common denominator which has a lot of leeway and variation in and of itself), then we set ourselves up for a confrontational relationship. If we bring folks into an open community then both we and they have opportunities to learn more effective techniques and safe approaches to all this wonderful stuff.
If we shut the folks interested in entertainment, recreational, erotic, metaphysical, or this and that hypnosis then we're unable to engage them. I have a deep interest in hypnosis and that interest crosses into a whole lot of variation. I've been writing about erotic hypnosis for years - it's probably the leading category for visitors to my blog - and yet I've managed to learn a lot about other types of hypnosis and been effective as a therapist and a trainer.
To me . . . the folks who immediately look down upon erotic hypnosis as some sort of cheapening of the art of hypnosis are missing out on some very very important an
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Permalink Reply by Celeste Hackett, CH on -
I used to do a radio show that would make most people blush from head to toe. It all happened in Houston in about 1997-99, I was called a female Howard Stern, more than once. It was a blast! I loved shocking people. We had hookers on the air, sex therapists, topless dancers, and we just talked about everything from how to give the best blow job to how to tell if your husband has been cheating on you.
I had a boyfreind who was Spanish and he had a great accent. The station was a country music format, KIKK FM 95.7. One time I was reading the paper and found an ad for 24 hour vaginal shrinking cream. So I turned on the mic and said, "oh my God! Did you know there is such a thing as 24 hour vaginal shrinking cream???? We gotta get some of this stuff. I call my boy friend, (all happening live on the air) and I say honey go find some of this stuff for us. We ladies want to try it. Not that we need it..heh heh heh..but hey, we wanna try it. To make a long story short he went all over Houston looking for this stuff. After every song I'd check in to see where he was. One time he was in china town and with his accent and the chines guys accent saying he didnt carry the stuff it was all very funny...finally he located it and I gave it away on the air as prizes to the tenth caller so long as they told me why they wanted it. Men and women called. It was halarious. This is just one example of the kind of show I did.
Now, I did it different from Howard in that I targeted women listeners ages 18-34 and approached the whole thing like girls at a slumber party. Girls talk about a lot of things when they are good friends. Things that would make your hair curl. So, I got my listeners, through taking on the persona of their best girl freind, to participate easily. (I was a hypnotist before I was a hypnotist).One day a budweizer beer saleman entered the control room with our sales manager. He said he wanted to advertize on the show.
Now anyone knows that when you start selling beer your not just targeting women anymore, but men so I said, what? Why? This show is targeted towards women, he said look at your male numbers (ratings) and he pulled out a piece of paper and they were just as good as the female ones. The men LOVED hearing us talk about all this stuff.
This went on and on and I kept doing the shock jock thing. After awhile, it gets boring and feels pretty empty. I actually feel pretty sorry for Howard Stern. He has to keep doing that stuff to get paid. You start to wonder what good you really are doing for the world, for people. Not that I didn't help some people get off a little better or a little longer, but after all of this, I have to say that sex is so over-rated and real love is so much more of a high and moves you into so much of a better realm of being than any wild, weird or over-wet act of sex could ever bring.
Sex can either be a way to show affection, and love or it can be nothing more than another way of distracting from boredom or stress or anger or sadness or guilt or lonliness instead of dealing effectively with thos problems. Take boredom for instance, after you have "done it" about a gazillion ways, it's just one more orgasm after a while. And what is an orgasm? But an electric feeling in the body that makes you drool and perspire for a few seconds or if you are very adept a few minutes (some do claim hours).
Some where along the way, I just began to get way more off on love, peace of mind, helping others, and vacumming and dusting. There is so much more to being human and to life that you miss if you put all your eggs in one basket....or too many eggs in one basket.
I am really glad I had that time to learn about people and sex. It was a fascinating time and I am able to draw from it and relate to my clients better because of my experiences, but it's all just kind of boring now and as for me, I'm glad I moved on.
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Permalink Reply by Susan French on -
Celeste,
I love what you said here and I love your spirit of self-disclosure.
Thanks,
Love,
Susan
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Permalink Reply by Brian David Phillips on
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Celeste, sex may be boring for you but some of us have found nuances in it that do indeed last a lifetime, particularly when practicing it with our appropriate life partners still finding ways to grow and bond beyond such a narrow confinement as the orgasm or playing of the two-backed-beast. Of course, erotic hypnosis isn't just about bigger bang for one's buck but can also be about very positive ways to enhance intimacy outside of the orgasm. It can be about rejuvenating relationships and about igniting sparks or building positive emotional intimacy. It's not just set. However, even if it were just about sex, and for some folks it is . . . there's nothing wrong with it. Different folks do have very different relationship styles. Some need and show physical intimacy in very loving ways and need that physical intimacy for themselves, the physical responders, while others are more about the relationship in their heads or the like. As long as folks find appropriate partners to respond to and bond with then there's nothing wrong with their relationship style. Personally, I don't think the folks who claim they are all about spiritual connections are any better than the ones who are only about the physical connections . . . I think both have missed opportunities for some pretty powerful relationships as they're missing half the equation . . . at least . . . for me . . . there's more to it then just the one or the other.
Of course, be that as it may, the thread here is more about whether the erotic is welcome to be discussed openly in hypnotic contexts or should be continue to be swept under the rug or contained in the little huddles of whispered sophomoric jokes barely understood . . . whether one person is interested in sexual expression or not, or whether someone has become jaded over time or unsatisfied with sexual expression to the point of giving up on it as anything other than body parts rubbing together in momentary frictionated temporary pleasure that is fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying emptiness does not mean that it must eventually be that way for everyone. Actually, such a person might find that the engagement of the mind with the emotions that consensual and appropriate erotic hypnosis brings might just be a way of recharging one's batteries and engaging in healthy relationships at new levels . . . might be. Might not. Depends upon the person as we all have our own journeys and discoveries.
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Permalink Reply by Susan French on
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I think it will be fascinating to see the gender divide as people weigh in.
I love sex (or have loved) but I think the importance of sex, or even intimacy through sex, changes as we go through life.
There was a long time throughout my life that I was driven by my libido as much if not more than any guy but not so much any more.
Does this take away from my pleasure, with or without that special someone? Not really. But my need for it in a concentrated way (frequency) has definitely changed.
I still like what Celeste shared. It had relevance for me.
Just me though....
Susan
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Permalink Reply by Celeste Hackett, CH on
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It's not sex that is boring, it's all the hoo ha about it that gets old for me. It's also not a God or a supreme fix it for relationships.. All I am saying is put it in it's proper place. My opinion.
I also don't like how sex is exploited for money making. Just like junk food. Junk food is okay so long as you don't eat it all the time cuz then you'll wind up unhappy.
This is a place for perspectives. So here is mine, speaking of happiness. Goodness is all those things that lead to joy and peace. Evil is all those things that lead to unhappiness and some things can seem like they are leading to the joy and peace, but really are just a bunch of hype in bright clothing that cause you problems later in life.
I've used hypnosis to increase my libido, and to enhance sensitivity etc, all to great results and many very enjoyable moments, but you are better off if you work also just as hard if not harder on developing freindship, learning how to be with someone emotionally, sharing deeply of your true emotions and thoughts, being less selfish, more giving and understanding and just having ALL sorts of pleasuable experiences together.
I do think that having outstanding sex as the biggest goal in relationship is more likely going to lead to unhappiness eventually. In it's proper place, it can and often does deepen a bond.
Just as one can increase the libido with hypnosis one can decrease it. And that too, can be a good thing. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about that? Like how a husband had cancer and she decreased her libido to be with him in other ways.....or how she was so sick with being pregnant that he decreased my libido to have more focus on what was needed?
This needs to be taught as relationships will wane and flow and you will be mighty unhappy if you are so used to getting yours and suddenly you can't any more. So many have no idea what to do if thier partner can't have sex anymore or can't for awhile or can't to the extent that they used to. Why aren't we also teaching how to flourish in relationship in other ways and how to weather storms of change when our partners grow and change?
Also, I've seen woman and men who feel very inadequate about not being as sexed as their parnters, only to find that the partners used sex play, toys and porn to over-rev up (hypnotize themselves) into great sexual prowess ....and they did all that because of self-esteem issues, and intimacy issues.
Just some thougts. But my basic one is one I think we all agree on anyway...Used properly, it can enhance. Used imprudently it can cause problems so the middle way seems best to me and for me.
By the way, I definintely do not believe in censorship.
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Permalink Reply by Brian David Phillips on
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"I've used hypnosis to increase my libido, and to enhance sensitivity etc, all to great results and many very enjoyable moments, but you are better off if you work also just as hard if not harder on developing freindship, learning how to be with someone emotionally, sharing deeply of your true emotions and thoughts, being less selfish, more giving and understanding and just having ALL sorts of pleasuable experiences together."
These are not mutually exclusive things. Most of the folks I know who teach bona fide erotic hypnosis workshops do so with relationships in mind and include intimacy-building exercises. When I offer workshops in this material, we bill it as "couples hypnosis" and encourage folks to sign up with a bonded partner to do the exercises with. We will teach it to singles but when we do we signpost that it isn't just about the bang . . . although many folks are indeed interested in the bang . . . but that's not what it's all about.
Certainly folks who are familiar with this material are better equipped to help others therapeutically than those who are not.
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Permalink Reply by Don Gibbons, Ph.D. on -
Hi Celeste,
I love what you said about "working also just as hard if not harder on developing freindship, learning how to be with someone emotionally, sharing deeply of your true emotions and thoughts, being less selfish, more giving and understanding and just having ALL sorts of pleasuable experiences together." This is what I meant by concentrating on both the physical and the romantic aspects of the situation -- and it's what I mean here.
Using multimodal suggestion to create a total union of body, heart, mind, and soul, experientially gifted and loving couples are able to enhance the setting for lovemaking, evoke the proper mood, intensity both responsiveness and desire, and increase the length, depth, and frequency of climax, blending together all of the elements of physical intimacy to create whatever masterpiece of fulfillment the loving couple may desire. And for those whose closeness would appear to be incapable of further improvement, the greatest surprises of all may be in store; for it is those who have the greatest abilities who also possess the greatest potential.
As long as the couple is truly committed in a loving relationship, and they use such a comprehensive approach, they no longer have to wait for those special occasions to create the memories of a lifetime. They can create them whenever they want to. And if we tell such a committed, loving couple to back off, most likely they're going to tell us to back off, and they're going to say to each other, "GO FOR IT!"
As Maurice Chevalier used to sing, "Ah yes, I remember it well. . . ."
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Permalink Reply by Hugh Cole on
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Don.... and of course Brian
I knew there was a reason I have always admired your work and added you as a friend on every site we are on together.
Hugh Cole
Texas Tranceman
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Permalink Reply by Don Gibbons, Ph.D. on
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Hi Hugh,
Thanks for your kind words. I am indeed honored to have you as a friend.
I think that most people doing erotic hypnosis today take the wrong writers as the source of their inspiration for this amazing new medium. What kind of erotic hypnosis scripts would Shakespeare have written? Or Omar Khayam? Or the mystical poet, Rumi? Instead, they seem to be taking their cue from Howard Stern!
Don
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Permalink Reply by Brian David Phillips on
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If you can't figure out how to use the docs.google.com thing for the Hyper-Sex book, there is also a copy in word format in the files section at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HypnosisTechniqueExchange/files/ (you need to log in to get to the file, use your yahoo id, if you're not a member of the group, it's a worth joining anyway).
The book is well worth your perusal. It's hyperempiria with consenting adult applications appropriate for couples. Of course, clever folks should be able to figure out the therapeutic applications as well. :-)
All the best,
Brian
http://www.briandavidphillips.com
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