Question For Everyone, But Especially The Ladies

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Permalink Reply by Jill Semonin on August 25, 2008 at 9:30am

Flattery gets you everywhere! So they say... but, some talk the talk, but can they walk the walk?

I think the bottom line to being able to seduce anyone is "self esteem". If one doesn't have confidence, they tend to come across desperate instead, which is a turn off. Most people tend to be conscious about the way they look, feel or act, and most primarily focus on their flaws. Hypnosis would help them focus on qualities instead of flaws, by boosting self esteem, it actually opens possibilities. If confidence is built, then they will have that glow, that others are attracted to regardless if male or female.

I personally do not think that becoming a player will get anyone anywhere, but maybe a couple diseases. Gaining a lot of self confidence, may just end up that way, but isn't the goal.

Metaphorically speaking: Most lonely people have their inner light shut down, so other prospective partners cannot see them. If we help them brighten up their inner light (outer glow).... ta da.... others start to notice and see the light again. Works like a charm.

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Permalink Reply by Conrad Cook on August 26, 2008 at 5:14am

I can agree with you almost entirely, except insofar as there's the possible implication that STDs are somehow a punishment for immoral sexual behavior: on the one hand, many people who have STDs are not to be blamed or shamed for immoral conduct; and on the other hand, contracting an STD does not necessarily follow from behaving badly.

And also I don't support the "use huge color photos of the late stages of unchecked disease to terrify school kids into padlocking their genitles until marriage" brand of sex ed that the U.S. public school system tends to inflict on their kids.

Frankly, I think it's perverse. Sex is more-or-less safe. Especially if you use good judgement. Safer than automobiles.

This is kind-of a tangent. I heard just the faintest echo of that in your post -- maybe you didn't mean it that way.


Conrad.

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Permalink Reply by trish Heenan on August 25, 2008 at 12:35pm

Hi Conrad
Totally with Jill on this one. To me the most attractive quality someone can have is self worth/self esteem.
The brighter the light the further it shines (no idea who said that it wasn't me)

Working on personal confidence by way of hypnosis can only be a positive thing? If an approach feels in anyway 'structured' it is not at all attractive.. Nothing so sure as to send us ladies running for the hills as a 'painting by numbers approach'.
However, I do like the 'learn to become more loving and loveable' reframe that - to me - ties it back to the self esteem/self confidence thought. trish:)

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Permalink Reply by James Klingensmith on August 25, 2008 at 6:47pm

However, I do like the 'learn to become more loving and loveable' reframe that - to me - ties it back to the self esteem/self confidence

Check out John G. Kappas, Ph.D. book called "E&P"

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Permalink Reply by James Klingensmith on August 25, 2008 at 6:41pm

What's the difference puting someone in a hypersuggestable state and getting her drunk. (I have 2 daughters). Persuasion for seduction can be pretty close to rape. Rember most people do not know about hypnosis and they assume the worst and will blame you or worse blame themselves.
Players are people who need a phycotherapist not a hypnotherapist. It is a addiction they have anonymous support groups for this problem if you know a player don't encorage them it is your responabilty as a mental health professional to get them help.

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on August 26, 2008 at 7:18am

I think your question needs context. Are you talking about the hypersuggestible state of a client in your office or a volunteer at a stage show, or are you talking about the hypersuggestible state of someone who is falling in love? Being in love can be viewed as a form of hypnosis--your focus narrows to one person, you hallucinate their best qualities being even better, you negatively hallucinate their bad qualities, you find yourself acting on their suggestions without critical analysis.

Of course, it's wrong to abuse your position as a hypnotist to sleep with a client or volunteer--duh. It's also professional suicide.

But James--you were in sales for 17 years, so tell me this: If using persuasion for seduction is the same as rape, then is using persuasion for sales the same things as theft?

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Permalink Reply by Conrad Cook on August 26, 2008 at 10:21am

Good points. Also, I'd add that this is the reason we call it "persuasion." If it were so reliable that it excluded free will, if it were so reliable that no other response was possible, then we'd call it something else.

In my experience, women generally like being sweet-talked. Certainly, I don't usually mind when women try to sweet-talk me. (Although I had one job where really old women -- grandmothers, or just about -- would be way too friendly. Kinda weird.)

I don't think there's a formula for absolute success with all people; I don't really know what I'd feel about such a formula, but it's a moot point.


Conrad.

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Permalink Reply by James Klingensmith on August 26, 2008 at 4:10pm

Using persuasion for sales IS the same things as theft if done with the wrong intent. Thats why there is a national "Do Not Call List", it's the reson FDIC have Truth in Lending, Why you sign your name 100 times buying a car or a house, Why people lose there money to Nigeria, People get hurt when using "persuasion for sales" all the time.
Using persuasion for seduction is to excite a person for sexual intercourse and sex with the wrong intent can be wrong and hurtfull as well

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Permalink Reply by James Hazlerig on August 26, 2008 at 7:07am

I've worked with two clients, both good-looking young men who'd "lost their mojo" when it came to talking to women. With each, we worked on confidence, but I also gave them this strategic advice:

Be 51% sweetheart and 49% asshole.

I'm a devoted flirt, and trust me, that formula is the secret. Here's an example: "You're one the nicest people I know, and it really shows in your smile [SWEETHEART]. And you've got great tits [ASSHOLE]." The pause and shrug between the two sentences are very important.

Is it unfair to use that? No more unfair than getting a good haircut or driving a nice car. It's something that makes a guy more attractive to women.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Irvine on August 26, 2008 at 7:13am

Well everyone is different James, and if the situation is set up right, you might not nessasarly come off as such an a**hole...... Its also a great sence of humour. Most women lack that self confidance, and compliments are a great way of building trust and rapport....... I would just emphasized the first comment a little more than the second, as a self doubting women may start to doubt your intensions......

Have fun and keep real!
Amanda

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Permalink Reply by Jill Semonin on August 26, 2008 at 11:20am

I have to admit, I like my man cocky, protective, smart, strong and sexy.

If he isn't that strong "looking", then his cockiness overrides what is lacking. I agree very much with the 51% sweetness and 49% Cocky (shows confidence), instead of a-hole. Sorry, i don't really find myself attracted to a-holes in any way shape or form. Also depends on what some think being an a-hole is.

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