sex versus masturbation

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Permalink Reply by Ray Juliano on June 3, 2008 at 5:24pm

My question is why? Perhaps there is a problem with his wife, since it started when he got married. Did he like sex before he got married? Maybe his wife does not turn him on, not too uncommon. It would be interesting to find out what he fantasizes about during masturbation. I'd bet it is not about his wife......perhaps he has a physical problem is he is a senior with a low testerone level, which is not uncommon either as we age. I would say most often it is a combination of physical and psychological factors...what do you think?

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Permalink Reply by David Fontenot on June 4, 2008 at 7:06am

This reminds me of a Joke...
A guy goes to see his Physician for the same reason
The Doctor says"You have to stop with the masturbation"
"Why, Why, Why!" replies the patient
"'Cause it's making the examination very difficult"

All kidding aside, I worked with a woman for a similar problem not so long ago. While masturbating, she could fantasize, knew just when to touch, and where. Like many habits, she was at a place where when she had "A" added "B" and then did "C" Orgasm occurred. Her husband didn't know this path to the pleasure.
As a homemaker, she'd spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about and touching herself during the day, and when her husband and kids got home, didn't associate sex with that domestic phase of her day. She also complained that her husband was predictable in bed, and that neither of them discussed their desires. Her fear was that her masturbatory obsession had ruined her sex life, which in turn would ruin her marriage. She originally came in for smoking cessation, and asked if this would work for "stopping other things too".
In trance, I had her think of different things that excited her (without telling me exactly what they were) and anchored those things to touches on her wrist, elbow, and shoulder. we played with different orgasm triggers, such as touching her forehead. She was amazed at how easily these innocuous touches could bring about these feelings and responses.
The next step was to remove these anchors and cause her husband to elicit the same feelings. I gave her the suggestion that whenever she looked into his eyes that she would have a sexual thought and imagine him doing something that she really enjoyed, causing her to be in an increasing state of arousal around him. Next, we took his predictability, and used those as anchors, When he would "A" she would begin to feel more aroused, "B" would increase her desire, "C" would cause her to be extremely horny. And finally, the mere act of penetration would cause the first of several very pleasurable orgasms. I also suggested that she verbalize what she was thinking while she was having sex.
She reported several things back to me. First, sex her husband was great, she found him desirable and fun in bed. At one point she said that in the throes of orgasm she shouted out "#$%&& me in my &^%$" and was pleased to find out that this (her secret desire) was something that also turned her husband on. Each of course assuming they were depraved and could not mention it.
She still masturbates several times a day, but no longer sees it as a harmful thing. She sometimes calls her husband while she's doing it, or has him watch.
This , like many things we deal with, was presented to me, and I chose to deal with it in this manner on the fly. I know you guys can pick it apart, and shoulda , woulda , coulda me to death, but it worked well for this woman and her situation. I did all of this over three sessions (mostly reinforcing triggers and asking questions). It was a little weird, but in the end (no pun intended) The anxiety and difficulty that this client was experiencing was resolved and she is in a much better place. So, I call this one a success and hope you can gleen something from it that will be useful to you.

David

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Permalink Reply by Joshua on June 4, 2008 at 7:43am

Hi David,

I just wanted to say great story and in reality the only thing that matters is the client got better. I would be so bold to say that many of us became hypnotists to help people. So if what you did work then great. As we know hypnosis is a unique experience and different for each person.

I personally have used hypnosis with my wife during sex, consent of course :) and it was the greatest sex of all time. My wife was "quite" amazed at the results of hypnosis with sex. She is still a little "funny" toward hypnosis some times. I can't explain it just sometimes she is for hypnosis and other times no. Some people may see this as just helping to people to have sex, but the bigger picture is possibly saving a marriage. Great story David and look forward to seeing you at the next hypnoticon if one will be thrown.

Josh

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Permalink Reply by David Fontenot on June 4, 2008 at 7:53am

Hypnoticon (http://hypnoticon.org)? Lol, what's that?

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Permalink Reply by Bob Brown, CHt, CNLP on June 6, 2008 at 10:17am

Joshua.. if you like the idea of sex and hypnosis I am assuming you two have checked out my site... Let me know if there is something of interest as I treat friends quite nicely!

bob

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Permalink Reply by Bob Brown, CHt, CNLP on June 4, 2008 at 8:53am

I would be very inclined to get this guy to dump all of his thoughts out. With that you should get all the connections and associations he has to both. There is so many ways this can play out that you really need to know the root. There is also a good chance he doesn't know either. You must get his agreement as this is an extremely intimate procedure.

My favourite is to just drop a string back in time till that moment he chose masturbation over sex. Ask him what about that moment had him choose masturbation. I may also have visualize his sexual preferences scale. In his mind he has a list of all of his likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. Where is masturbation located? Where is sex? Capture sensory data for both and then get his agreement to move sex to a better place.

bob
PS.. David I had no issues with what you did at all. Having a witness or a video recording might be a safe mode of protection. At minimum you likely want a disclaimer.

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Permalink Reply by David Fontenot on June 4, 2008 at 9:02am

Thanks Bob.. I web cam all of my sessions to file BTW.

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Permalink Reply by Don Rice on June 6, 2008 at 10:06am

Martin, In your post you seem to seperate sex and masturbation and I find that a little different as most beileve masturbation is part of the whole sexual feeling. Your client needs to chill out. Because he enjoys masturbation doesn't mean he needs to hate intercourse (which is simply another part of sex as we know it). From past experience I would guess he can get an erection strong enough to masturbate, but not strong enough to have intercourse and that is why he says he hate intercourse.
He has a false sense of pride when it come to his little pee pee. You didn't mention his age, but most women who are fifty or over would rather have a massage, gentle kisses, holding, etc than intercourse. Martin, if I was his hypnotist I would reduce the power of the words around this issue for him. To say he HATES sex is too strong and to say that a habit as it continues becomes an ADDITION is not even close to true. It is simple a habit and habits can be changed thru hypnosis. I would simply tell him to enjoy his masturbation and if his wife wants to masturbate him then he can masterbate her at the same time. If she needs to feel something in her he has a tongue, several fingers and there are many fantastic sex toys. Lots of fun.

Do Good & Make Money, Don

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Permalink Reply by Daniel Ingle on June 11, 2008 at 4:22am

Hello give him suggestions that would enlighten his sex life have him picture what ever he is picturing while masterbating and transfer it to his wife. also maybe have him and his wife come in for some pre talk then hypnotize her also. Not knowing the case she is obviosly not giving him what he wants and in the way he wants it. Most Sex takes place in the mind, Think about if you think you are having sex with a green bulgy eyed frog and hold that thought while you are having sex I doubt if you could even get it up. find out what he likes and link it to his wife while in trance then anchor it. just my 2 cents worth Dan

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